[I'mNotReal]

I dont like me.
It’s so sad that I cant run away from myself.
Im mad at me and ashamed of my condition whatever it is. Someone called me “psychvamp” cuz I suck people’s feelings. It hurt me. Im just trying to do things right. Yeah! Im needy and an attention seeker, so what?!! SO WHAT?!!

Hi i'mnotreal. Im sorry to hear your feeling this way sweetie - theres nothing to be ashamed of, we're all human and we all feel a range of emotions that we don't always have a lot of control over. I hope you stay on here and continue to talk to us all. PM me any time you need to chat. Sending hugs

[shazza]

Hi, yes , i can relate to what you have said, as at the moment, i do not like the person i have become. I have b.p.d and at the moment i feel so lost and alone. I feel like i'm living in my own little world , too frightened to step out of my comfort zone. I have been married for 30 years and have four adult children, I can feel my husband and myself growing apart, I keep so much to myself, because of the lack of understanding and no , i do not feel sorry for myself or want pity from people !!! Just someone to understand how it is for me at times, I'm so thankful i have a therapist that i can talk to and trust, as i have got to a point where i do not trust anyone anymore. Because of how i am, i feel disconnected... Very lonely and at times would like to just move far away and when very depressed would like to go to sleep and not wake up.....

[Forgive77]

I hate those days. I have a lot of people around me who like me to thing I'm 'crazy.' Unfortunately, I'm a teller of truths pretty much all the time, and that makes people uncomfortable, because they always lie. I'm not a liar, so it's easy to see when someone is hiding something or wont own up to it. That makes me feel crazy because they make me question myself, and that triggers these moods for me. My husband's side of the family is ''perfect, and can do no wrong." That can make me question myself, because I'm always the 'wrong one' or now that they know I have a mental illness, 'it's in my head.' I have to constantly talk myself out of my own head all the time. "Wait, wait wait wait....deep breath...that was wrong...it's not cause I'm crazy...it's because they do no wrong, and I accept that they are complete a s s holes. I'm not crazy....they are just jerks who can do no wrong." It's a fight I tell ya. I used to give in all the time, and that made them happy. Now, I don't, and it's throwing everyone off quilter. I just have to keep reminding myself of what good I've done, and do. And....I'm not a complete off the reservation loon!!!!

[RaggedyAnn67]

I'mNotReal...what does "Someone called me “psychvamp” cuz I suck people’s feelings." really mean? Perhaps you see certain things that really are more serious matters than others do. Maybe you are a thinker and consider issues more deeply. I'm curious about what your thoughts are on this statement.
You said "I don't like me." Is that thought coming because of this comment? Do you think that this person doesn't like you so you hate yourself too? I think that way.

Shazza, you said "I'm living in my own little world." Actually, doesn't everyone, BPD or not. As BPDers, we see our world differently then others around us so we feel that we don't fit in with the various clicks out there. But, why do we have to feel like our world is so wrong? Forget what society thinks or behaves, take 'your little world' and make it your own. Find yourself, slow down and think about you and what you want.

[I'mNotReal]

[QUOTE=RaggedyAnn67;2218131]I'mNotReal...what does "Someone called me “psychvamp” cuz I suck people’s feelings." really mean?

I tend to "merge" with people I love. Their feelings become my feelings and traits of their personalities become my personality, I guess. I tend to reflect people. Im not sure why. Not everyone, though. Only those I have a special conection with.. which is very rare. I usually find people boring and not interesting. So thats why those people are so important and the relationship so close, so.... special.

Perhaps you see certain things that really are more serious matters than others do. Maybe you are a thinker and consider issues more deeply. I'm curious about what your thoughts are on this statement.

Yes, I am a thinker and that sucks.

You said "I don't like me." Is that thought coming because of this comment? Do you think that this person doesn't like you so you hate yourself too? I think that way.

yes. But she was not the only one. People are tired of me.
Soon, I'll have no friends. I'll be alone again. I dont want that cuz.... its sad... I feel that my friends make me who "I am". They are special so I am special. Im nothing without people around me. How do you know someone is short if theres no one tall around? I need others to know what I am. I dont know what I am!!!! I dont know!

[Forgive77]

yes. But she was not the only one. People are tired of me.
Soon, I'll have no friends. I'll be alone again. I dont want that cuz.... its sad... I feel that my friends make me who "I am". They are special so I am special. Im nothing without people around me. How do you know someone is short if theres no one tall around? I need others to know what I am. I dont know what I am!!!! I dont know!

Go click on Buttercup's post about what BPD feels like. Watch the video. It's really awesome. I'm glad you're here. We're your friends here. I need you guys cause no one else 'gets it.' Sigh...It's so wonderful to have everyone here, and escape the 'normies." LOL