[BorderlineBrittany]

OK so part of BPD is Impulsivness... I was told by social workers, pyscs, dr and my family that when i get down i shop...I dont go outrageous.. just to the second hand store, walmart, dollar store and mainly buy t hings for my kids... But you know what I've noticed? That it doesnt seem impulsive to me.. I debate it for what seems like forever, then end up doing it. I feel like crap when thinking of it, doing it and after. And if i dont do what i wanted to i still feel like crap.. So no matter what I do i feel like **** when i spend money... I friggin hate money so so sosososoososoos much! Does anyone else do this? What do you do to not spend money and feel ok not spending it?

I am so impulsive, I wrote a post about this myself only recently in this section.

I buy for the sake of buying it is silly as I don't even need the stuff that I buy.

[shipping]

Originally Posted by BorderlineBrittany

OK so part of BPD is Impulsivness... I was told by social workers, pyscs, dr and my family that when i get down i shop...I dont go outrageous.. just to the second hand store, walmart, dollar store and mainly buy t hings for my kids... But you know what I've noticed? That it doesnt seem impulsive to me.. I debate it for what seems like forever, then end up doing it. I feel like crap when thinking of it, doing it and after. And if i dont do what i wanted to i still feel like crap.. So no matter what I do i feel like **** when i spend money... I friggin hate money so so sosososoososoos much! Does anyone else do this? What do you do to not spend money and feel ok not spending it?

This is a problem for me, too, and unfortunately I haven't solved it yet.

this is a huge issue for me.. i've been known to go out and spend $500 just cuz i felt really depressed.. none of it i needed. i'm trying to stop but it's hard.. because i actually feel good while i'm shopping but after i feel even worse.

i wish i had some suggestions to help.. if you are in therapy maybe talk to them about it a bit more?

Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx

this is a huge issue for me.. i've been known to go out and spend $500 just cuz i felt really depressed.. none of it i needed. i'm trying to stop but it's hard.. because i actually feel good while i'm shopping but after i feel even worse.

i wish i had some suggestions to help.. if you are in therapy maybe talk to them about it a bit more?

Yep me too, This is exactly me, If I feel bad I spend just to try and make me feel better, I wish I knew the answers but I don't.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

I do not know if any of this will work for you, but you can try several things.
* Use distress tolerance DBT skills when you feel like you are down and want to shop. * Postpone shopping. Tell yourself, "OK. I fell like I need to shop right now. And I will allow myself to shop, but only until after I..." finish the sentence with distractions like watch a movie or do the laundry or take a walk around the neighborhood. Or if you are feeling almost a desperate need to shop, then you could give yourself a time limit instead of a task. You would finish the sentence with, "wait 10 minutes." or "wait one hour."
*Try to sooth yourself in other ways. Maybe take a warm bath. Or read a favorite book. Or really notice and appreciate your child's smile. Or light a scented candle. Or pet your cat. Some physical sensation that pleases you.
*Remind yourself of times you have allowed yourself to go shopping and how that felt afterward. Ask yourself if you really want your behavior to make someone important feel bad? You are the someone important.
*Examine and break down your thoughts when you feel the impulse to shop. You know what you are feeling, but what are you thinking right before you have those thoughts? If you are thinking something like, :"Shopping will make me feel better." , once you recognize that thought, you can challenge it. If you no longer believe the fallacy that you are thinking (if, in fact, you are thinking this way) then perhaps the feelings will lessen too.

I do not know if any of these things will help, but they are all the things I can think of right now. I do not know if you are impulsive or not. If anything I suggest helps, then GREAT! If not, then just disregard it and move onto something else. I am not trying to assume anything about your shopping or your thinking or feelings. I hope I did not.

These are some techniques I have learned, mostly through DBT, but from some other sources too. I struggle with impulsiveness too. I struggle with intense feelings and have trouble tolerating them. Some of these techniques I use everyday, just to get through a day. Others I pull out occasionally, when things get overwhelming for me.

I hope that no matter where help comes from, that it come to you soon.

[Forgive77]

LOL....I have to run out of money....sorry. I'll read some more.

[BorderlineBrittany]

MDDBPD- Thank you so much! That was very helpful!
The thing is its not huge amounts of moeny like someone else said.. its only like 20$ or 35$ and its on clothes and presents for my kids.. But I want to try saving.. And i make very little for the amount of my bills... I have a budget but i rarely stick to it.

[Forgive77]

HERE'S ONE!!!

I never watch QVC. I saw it had gardening stuff last night!! So I check it out. They had red hydrangea, and this AWESOME wisteria, that they trained into a TREE!! (instead of a vine) Awesome!!

So I buy both over the phone and online last night. Checked my bank account had like zero denero, so I canceled it.

Talk to my best friend this morning tell her the drama...she says...call qvc and ask if they'll have more. Did...no dice for the wisteria...bumbed. So my friend says have your husband buy the hydrangea for you for Valentine's day. I'm like..."where were you last night??" So I call my husband who is away on business. I ask him. He says no. I asked him if he bought my present yet? He is evasive...says, "you bought it already didn't you?" I smile and laugh, "yes. BUT I canceled my order!!" He says, "I knew it!!" He had to go.

So I'm clicking like crazy on QVC still nothing still nothing....while I was on the phone with my husband I e-mailed him the hydrangea....for laughs to see if he'd buy them for me. about a half hour ago he emails me and asks if he could go deep sea fishing if he got them for me. I say, YES!!

In the meantime I'm still clicking on the damn tree!!! And BOOM it comes up that I can order it!!! I froze.....cause while he's buying the hydrangea....I get the wisteria to come up. I'm trying to enter all the info to buy it cause there some AWESOME glitch in the matrix. I typed in the wrong pin a bazillian times...I'm afraid that I'm going to loose the glitch, so I made up an account with my daughter's email.....and.....I GOT THE DAMN TREE. I'll apologize later!!

Oh my gosh i can so relate to the thinking about it for ages and then spending anyway - im terrible with money, i have actually gone 2 weeks without food just cos i really wanted these shoes that weren't even in my size they just looked pretty (awful awful awful i know) Now i take most of my money out and give it to a friend of mine whom i trust. Is there anybody you could do this with? I totally know where your coming from though. The impulsiveness is definately one of the worse symptoms of BPD in my view

[BorderlineBrittany]

Everyone pisses me off... lol i dont think i could give it to anyone.. and i hate banks...

[ChaoticSymphony]

Stores hate me but what I do is grab a cart and fill it with whatever I want, cost is no concern, and then as I am walking I take out the stuff that I really can't afford and switch it for something I need. The reason the stores hate me is because I never put it back in it's proper spot...oh well that's what they get paid for lol. So I am actually shopping--retail therapy--but I don't get the huge bill at the end. It works for me because as I am placing it in the cart I am not saying I can't have it, I picture myself using it and enjoying it...then when I see something I need it is easy to out weigh the pros and cons of keeping it in the cart.

[BorderlineBrittany]

I do something like this but in the means of wanting it then realising i cant.. im horrible for returning and for filling my cart to just empty it at the till! lol

I was gunna say u could transfer it to me but id probably spend it LOL aww u gotta love us hahaha

[ChaoticSymphony]

haha I know, it works for me is all. Plus I also wanted to point out that it is easier to buy for others, your kids especially. What are we teaching our kids though? Everytime mom takes us to the store we get something...it is hard to break that cycle, I know I definitely feel the wrath of it now. Then when you stop because you seriously can't afford it the added guilt lays on your shoulders because you aren't giving your children something that would make them happy...something they are used to. You aren't teaching your kids good money skills, I see, I want, I get...life doesn't work like that obviously. As I am typing I am really realizing the error of my ways...maybe these postings actually do help teehee.

[BorderlineBrittany]

lol chaotic you def got me thinking... My daughter is always asking for a treat when we go out.. shes 7! last few times ive said no.. then yesterday i go out without them and by a bunch of stuff for valentines day they dont need i couldve just made a card for them and tehy wouldve been happy with that.. but nooooooooooo i cant be satisfied.. i am never satisfied.. WHY THE HELL NOT! it seems like i cant just be greatful with what i have.. i am never satisfied. i am never content..

[ChaoticSymphony]

Ya filling that void gets old...and expensive. I am completely content with my living situation right now, couldn't picture myself doing anything else yet I feel completely empty and useless for a majority of the time each day. Life as a bpd is the most complicated thing I can imagine...blah and if you try to step out of the proverbial box and really try to think "realistically" about these things we struggle with we end up even more retarded than when we started....Doing a 360 degree on situations can be beneficial but I know I, for one, take it to a whole new extreme. Sometimes I wonder if I need therapy or if I just need a life coach/babysitter to tell me what to do each day and what to say in certain circumstances and how to feel and what what what what ahhhhhhhh....so I'm here :P

[BorderlineBrittany]

Ok so completely content but still whirl winded? That sounds impossible! lol i thought once you felt contentment everything else would be NORMAL!!! FOr once! lol Now i find out that the low income housing i have been waiting on for over a year has offered me a place! but i have roomates staying with me now! and still a 5 month contract! so i dont no what to do! i guess wait and see what they can do for me! I HATE STRESSSSSS

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by BorderlineBrittany

OK so part of BPD is Impulsivness... I was told by social workers, pyscs, dr and my family that when i get down i shop...I dont go outrageous.. just to the second hand store, walmart, dollar store and mainly buy t hings for my kids... But you know what I've noticed? That it doesnt seem impulsive to me.. I debate it for what seems like forever, then end up doing it. I feel like crap when thinking of it, doing it and after. And if i dont do what i wanted to i still feel like crap.. So no matter what I do i feel like **** when i spend money... I friggin hate money so so sosososoososoos much! Does anyone else do this? What do you do to not spend money and feel ok not spending it?

I am really bad about this. I feel like ****, so i go buy stuff (usually that my kids are going to need soon, but we can't really afford), and then i feel even more like crap

[RaggedyAnn67]

Still sort of go through this too. First, I finally gave in and decided to get a payee. I made arrangements for her to take care of my major bills for me so that I know they are paid, and I don't end up homeless, without electricity, food etc. It was a major blow to my ego. But, I am REALLY glad that I did it now. It is actually really nice to not have to deal with it myself too.
Then, I arranged to get small checks every week, so I don't overspend. As I get small checks, I am already in need of food or gas. So, I am more likely to go to take care of that first and have whatever is left to spend on whatever...and I love second hand stores too. Especially on Mondays when the colored tag of the day is .99 cents.
Now, I really just focus on trying to find cheap yarn to stock up on for crochet projects with that leftover money, but there is always something else that I see that I want.
BUT, I also started to keep my receipts on my counter in case I decide that I don't really need it and I have 7 days to take it back (time to think if I really need it or not).