How do you keep a relationship..

With BPD? I've never had a real relationship.. One nights mainly.. Some 2 months and thats about the longest.. I cant seem to keep them around.. I either push them away or turn crazy and they leave... I just started this relationship with this guy.. And I told him about BPD.. He has never heard of it... Its hard to get any one to understand when they've never heard of it before.. They just think your crazy.. The way you act and do things... And your insane emotions...
I find that alot of people have never heard of this disease.. Heck I never did tell last year. How do you get people to understand? Everyones heard of Bipolar but no one has heard of BPD.. And Bipolar has such a stigma to it its hard to tell people about BPD..
I want to keep a relationship.. I dont want my BPD to get in the way.. But I feel like my BPD is me!

I feel the same way but I start to push everyone away after so long. I start to get bored and then I don't want them to leave even though I don't want to be with them. Just because I don't want to be alone. But my relationships last longer. Over a year, but they all think I'm insane.

A very caring, understanding and patient husband. One who educates himself on all of my dx. We are very honest with each other even if it might hurt us.

It helps to...wait to respond/react.
Say things that delay your reaction if it's a phone call/text.
That way you can have the time to think about what you really want.
And, honestly, have you wanted any of those guys to stick around?
You might know it when he comes along...but you might not.

So you should always take your time. Maybe not with sex...lord knows most of us just jump right in bed.

The guy I'm with...we just passed our six month mark. I'm always tempted to say, "FRACK THIS" and leave. But I don't. Sometimes, I come here. And I'm always glad I do...because holding my tongue when I want to scream things is helping this.

Often, when I feel something, I have to access this situation: "Is this real or am I blowing out of proportion?" I decided when I met this guy that I loved him. A month later, I went to a wedding in another state without him and bought him a heart shaped stone and a sea shell. I gave him the sea shell and after much deliberation with people that are as close to me as you can get (mostly online people I've never met) and my family (who thinks I'm bonkers) said wait. And if you still feel like this later on, give it to him.

When I decided I wanted to be with him, I wanted to scream "I love this man!" from every roof top. But I stayed quiet, because what if tomorrow I got bored of him? He has a lot of issues himself, but he's so amazing. Sometimes I hate him. All day. All week. But by the end of the week, I'm so exhausted with my effort to be angry that I realize I've wasted all this energy not talking to him. I've waited WEEKS before.

I have a lot of trouble communicating my needs and wants and feelings. It's so essential that you try to focus and decide if this is what you want because when I was having 1 nighters and 2 monthers or three years, that's what I wanted at the time. Sometimes, it was a mistake and I didn't read the signs. You need to pay attention. Always pay attention.

I've been basically a fixture at my boyfriend's house since week one. It's good to know that you actually want to be somewhere. It helps that he's a very smart man because I find that often I pompously think I'm a pretty smart lady. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. That part doesn't matter. The part that matters is that while I was interested in him, he kept me interested.

I've had strings and strings of unsuccessful things. Risqué relationships and the like. It's okay to be wild, but be safe. And, eventually, come up for air sometimes, and, perhaps, you'll come up the same time someone else is up for air. That, my dear, is when try your hardest to be solid. Because even crazy people don't want someone calling them 40 times at 3am because they had a dream that they were being cheated on (I've done that) or suspected that they're sleeping with the hot, new office clerk he's training because he's an hour late (this happened last month), but the difference with the second time? I waited. I listened to what he said.

Most importantly, DBT. If you can be aware of yourself, in the present, than you're more aware of others, in the present.

You have to be upfront as soon as you can be. I often don't do it right away unless they bring up some problem that I can relate to. And I always relate to it in a way that isn't heavy. You don't want to say, "I cut myself all the time because it makes me feel alive" to someone you just met.

Therapy has helped me with this. Any time I've been in continuous or PRN talk therapy, my relationships are always better because sometimes it's good to be able to tell someone outside the situation what's going on.

You need to be strong and use your skills. Make good decisions. If you don't want to be everyone's bed fellow, then, don't be. You make these choices. We all make them. If you get to the point where you have decided you want something more solid, then you are just as capable, if not more capable, of obtaining what you want more than anyone else.

This is an interview process. You are a prize, not a job. Of course people will have to work to be with you, but it will be an investment for a time when things could be more stable for the both of you. So what if you have some problems? Pretty much everyone does. Expand your horizons. Don't put yourself in a position you'd rather not be in.

I hope this made sense. You can do it. You have the power.

Also, never give up on trying to stay who you are. I thought I used to miss the craziness of my life when I was overdrugged. Now that I'm finally on some semblance of low doses of medication, or high doses depending on what I need, I have both lives. The one I left behind and the one ahead of me. You never lose yourself. They say you shed all of your skin cells in seven years. Do you become a different person? Of course not, but maybe your bones have grown/are stronger, maybe you can run further and faster, and just maybe you have the stamina to keep up for the long haul.

Don't let your borderline own you. You are NOT borderline personality disorder. You HAVE borderline personality disorder. Learning to accept this has brought me a lot more freedom and happiness than almost anything else.

This I soooo relate to. I didn't realize I was pushing them away though. I wondered in hindsight why I was being so horrible to them. A form of pushing them away. I'd even ask...so why are you still here???? Eventually they'd get the message. Even though I didn't even know I was sending a message until later. Everything is a delayed reaction with me. It's like you could ask me "What do you want?" Answer..."I'll tell you in a few days after you've given me what I don't want." After they've left I want them back..insane.

In my opinion, you will need someone REALLY patient, trustworthy and loving, who is willing to understand what is going on with you and to help, not just some random guy. Someone who needs to understand ways of being a supporter instead of a triggerer. You're going to need a LOT OF TIME too.

Don't go too fast. I've been in a relationship for 3 years now, with a lot of hurt, suffering, pain, jealousy... Things are getting a bit better now - I don't know if I am better or if he just realised what he simply could NOT do.

I've also learnt to respect his space and to share my love and spend time with my few friends instead of loving him only. I don't talk to him much during the day even though he is my boyfriend, I try to get distracted with other things so I don't obsess too much about him. I'm not a control freak as much as I used to be, but I still struggle with that...

I wish you good luck

WOW!!! Thank you to everyone! KristelKayful- I push away.. i think thats why i can never keep it.. i get bored and say meh! find something wrong with them.. Maybe its because i know deep down im so screwed up i pick at them push them away so that they dont have to deal with my screwed up life.. That im actualyl saving them.. I dont know..
Amaviena- Thank you so much! I relate alot to you as well.
I told him about BPD.. ANd yesterday he tol dme he had ADD and Depression growing up so that made me feel really good! LOL I know it shouldnt but just the fact that he has delt with mental illnesses is a good awakening.
I've got so much feelings for this man... I can see my self picking at him already but i also notice its not as bad as it usually is.. And we have yet to have sex! Which for both of us is almost unbelievable! We actually talked about it last night.. I think cause we are both so exhausted by 9:30 we just dont have the energy for it! LOL Plus ive been sleeping on my couch so its not as fun! LOL
I've decided not to drink around him.. I did on thursday and I have a feeling i said things to him i shouldnt have.. but im unsure.. I have this thing with my mind... Like Dayjaveus.. sorta.. LIke i said something or did something before that i dont exactly remember so could just be a dream... Its weird.. Ever since Ive been on paxil i have very very vivid dreams. Very real dreams... Like conversations with people that are normal.. So this is the dream or feeling i have.. That I said I Love.. i dont think i said you.. but anyways i was drunk so now i feel odd about it... But he accidently said it to me the other day... before my drunk night... Anyway it was just a habbit as he left me he said it.. he didnt mean to but i said umm no you dont hes like umm ya sorry then text later he didnt mean to.. so in my dejaveu dream i said i love (this, you, i dont no what it was) but he said no you dont mean to say that and i said something like well ya.. i honestly cant recall.. not sure if this makes any sense! lol any how.. we are trying to take things slow..

When you come to the knowledge that everyone has a little something in their past...even migraines...you begin to think, maybe we are a little more the same than I thought. This has always helped me.

I constantly pick at my boyfriend, but unless it really bugs me, I mostly keep it to myself...which is nearly all the time. Because there's no point in being a nit picker if it doesn't really matter. My irritation level is so high this morning that I almost screamed at him for something I did, then, when he left, I went looking through the kitchen and bedroom for things I could be mad at him for. When I realized I was doing it, I sat down, took my pills and just took some deep breaths.

Slow is good.

I'm sincerely happy for you/proud that you feel that comfortable around him.

I've decided to drink as little as possible around my boyfriend...or anyone. Because I do exactly the wrong things if I'm not careful. It's important to make an effort and that, dear, you are doing.