[perniciousfirefly]

Hiya,
I am sorry to burden people. I am struggling so much underneath. were sectioned/ hospitalised for 13 months and am in community nearly 6 months now. but had a urine and kidney infection which has battered me. my physical pain is subsiding, but now im so emotionally unstable i dont know what to do. alcohol has been a big prob but as a teenager before that i had eating disorders and have self harmed since being a child due to certain things that have happened as we we all have had ****.
I dont know whether i wanna live or die. ive got two children i lost parental responsibility to and its killing me. im 30 in 4 days and am scared, i feel like i dont want to get to that age and my self harm urges are so sky high. (well i still skin pick, make my self bleed and hardly eat/ vomit).
Im with a really decent guy met him 4 months ago and we havent been apart he understands my condition and doestn judge me. but i hate hurting him and dont mean to like i dont my kids and family/friends.
? does this condition have no boundaries?
Im awaiting to continue the second part of my psychotherapy in two weeks.
Ive missed a full week of appointments due to infection and didnt phone cause had no credit so am gunna get bollocked next week haha.x

Does anyone understand or unfortunately relate.xxx

love rhona.x

[shezbut]

((((rhona))))

I can relate to certain aspects. I've been fighting condition after condition almost all of my life, which can be very emotionally draining. I have 2 kids, which my ex-hub has primary custody of. I do the best that I can. Which, unfortunately, isn't good enough. That's very hard for me to accept!

I've had to go into the hospital a few times in the last couple of years, for physical and emotional causes. I don't have an ED, but I have a tendency to lose weight whenever I'm hospitalized. Fighting an ED must be just horrible ~ as there are serious physical complications. I don't know any tips on helping you get through that. Have you posted any Q's in that forum? Just a thought that others might have techniques that worked for them.

You aren't alone. Many of us are fighting consequences of having BPD. Not like anyone wanted this condition, of course. It's so unfair! BUT, we have to remind ourselves that we're now adults. We do have control over the here & now. We don't have to keep re-living and torturing ourselves with self-blame and self-hate. A big something for us to work towards in our lives now.

sent your way!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I don't think you are burdening people.

I am glad you shared.

I am sorry you were hurting.

I relate also to the guilt about "hurting" our loved ones. I am glad your guy understands and does not judge you. It's nice to have that---we all deserve that and not all of us have that, I know.

BPD symptoms can hurt us, as well as our loved ones. It hurts everyone.

and then dealing with things that many of us deal with, such as physical illness or pain, just watching our loved ones watching us hurt, can be hard on everyone, incl. us!

thanks for talking to us; glad you came on,

Billi