[BorderlineBrittany]

Isn't much support any more..
I was talking to my mom today.. Said i was miserable.. She said i should try and tell myself im happy. Im in a great mood. I said i have. She said im not trying hard enough. THat im concentrating to much on this disorder. That i spend to much time reading about it and on this forum?! Seriously? To much time on a disorder I was told I have and want to learn more about? Concentrating? Excuse me if im trying to find more info about a disorder I have.. I bet if she had cancer or diabetes or something like that she would try everything she could to find info on it.. Jerk.. F*** YOU! Im mad now.. more miserable than i already was.. Not sure that was even possible.. Now my diets gone down to hell.. Eating a bag of chips and had a chocolate bar b4!

[Trippin2.0]

Seriously WTF IS WR0NG WITH THESE PEOPLE!
They haven't a frickn CLUE yet they're the experts. Arrgh!
Gentle hugs to you, I understand your anger, frustration, and isolation...
Not only did my mom say nearly the exact same thing to me (bout bipolar, nobody knows bout my bpd) but my brother, who is now an 'expert' on the law of attraction told me bad things happen to me coz I attract it! He said to think positive thoughts, said I must visualize a job, and I'll get 1, he said I must visualize a future with my bf... Well, I tried that, I'm STILL jobless and my bf LEFT!

Sorry, didn't mean to rant, your post just resonates so much right now.XOXO

[BorderlineBrittany]

Tripping- My mom was on that kick to!!!! WTF is wrong with people. I hate them all... Im in such a bad mood right now i want to scream the Fword all over and just cry...

[Trippin2.0]

Go ahead and scream hun, it's way better than bottling it up.
If you like, I'll scream the F bomb with you...

[rainingjupiter]

BorderlineBrittany,
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been told that stuff by about everyone I know. My mom is the worst. She now knows about it and wants to help and keeps saying "yeah I'm motivated to look stuff up!" but never does... so she always ends up saying the wrong thing. She always tells me I know too much (pharm major), because I'm always looking at blogs and at new studies on treatment on Pubmed.
Have you tried telling your mom that usually BPD is caused by some sort of trauma in childhood or learned behavior? That is what got my mom to at least TRY to understand me... Because, it is mainly her doing (not really, but that's what she thought). You could also try telling her that you feel that way, and you can't help how you feel. Lol, I even went as far to show my mom like brain imaging studies to show her how it's hard for us to handle emotions.
Guilty of magical thinking: Another thing (sorry I am rambling, I don't get out much)- I think people like us are special. Normal people will never feel love like we do, never feel sadness in the depth that we do, and never feel hatred in the lengths that we do... We have the ability to feel things that others don't. You know who else had that ability? Anyone who has ever made a "difference" in this world. If no one was miserable, nothing would ever change. Try to think of this when you are miserable- it helps me to think I'm like a prophet instead of a person with a "disease".
It is a horrible, horrible feeling, but by saying to "will yourself to feel better", your mom has redirected your mood!! I don't know about you, but I'd much rather be mad than miserable (when I'm mad everyone else gets the consequences, when I'm sad I get the consequences). Get to know your triggers and it will help you to control your BPD more! (I try to focus on this sort of stuff rather than what other people say now... because everyone is gone in my life.) I hope I helped a little... :/

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I don't know how many flipping times I have been thru this, too. People telling me I am "dwelling on my condition".

I realize that bpd is not all that I am, but I also need to know about it and how to deal with it. I have never dealt with it before. So I will "dwell on it" for a while!

And who gives her the right to tell you what you are doing with your life?!

No one.

I feel that she is on her own trip and it's not about you at all.

But I know it hurts and can be so exasperating when we are treated this way!

Billi

[shipping]

Last fall I got a diagnosis that i am going blind. I accepted it, in part, by taking stock and realizing I had only one regret in life and that was my bad relationship with my mom. And then I realized that I am lucky because she is still alive so I can still work on my relationship with her. To get to my age and situation and have only one regret--and to have that one regret be something I can still try to do something about! What a wonderful world! So I am working on my relationship with my mother. But that is not the point of my addition to this thread. Here is my sad story: when I was trying to pay my way through college and raise a 2-year-old, and had no insurance to treat my diabetes or my mental sicknesses, I would sometimes call my mom and try to tell her about my desperate situation--just talk and tell someone. Turn to one's mother, right? She would hang up on me. She talked to me until I said something negative, like, my transmission went out on my car and I've been dragging my toddler through the snow to school because I am too weak to carry him.... "Well, I need to go now." Click. So I do not know what it is like to be told by my mother that I should try harder, or that I am focusing too much on my problems. She never told me anything because she wouldn't even listen to it. Nothing hurts more than being ignored by the one person everyone should be able to go to when in distress. Hurts. Then finally, she began to get older. She had pains. She had problems. I encouraged her to talk to me, and I listened, and I sympathized. I didn't often try to give advice, but I repeated her sorrow and said, "that must feel really awful" Or I said, "yes, but you can be proud that you kept Daddy out of the hospital for 25 years all on your own while holding down the only family income." When she needed surgery I told her that if she could stand it until my summer break I would come to her and nurse her through her pain and take care of my dad for her. I didn't "forgive" her. And I'm not an angel. I just treated her as I would want to be treated. And you know what? She is learning from me. After almost 50 years of being each other's enemy, she is learning from my example how to be ... not nurturing exactly, but ... how to be kind. And that it's not so hard. I'm still not sure if I have forgiven her. I think of all the pain she put me and my baby through, and I don't know. But I can be kind when she needs kindness because she is a human being. That's all I know. And maybe by being kind, I might help her forgive herself. They're never too old to learn, our parents. Maybe they have to know what it's like to be vulnerable, and to need kindness, before they understand what it is. Maybe they never learned. Time, and hope.

Wow. Initially I wanted to post a reply to the OP, then the subsequent posts but then I realized I want to just thank everyone here for this whole thread so far. Why? It's exactly how I have experienced things with people around me that don't understand too and even worse? My wife (soon to be ex) who has suffered her own share of issues for the length of our marriage has been exactly the same. "Don't dwell on the disorder." or "I think you focus on the title of the disorder too much and not enough about what to do about it" How the heck do I find out what to do about what's wrong with me if I don't focus on what's wrong!? Drrrr.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this.