[MDDBPDPTSD]

I am confused. Several folks have said to me " You are not your disorder." I would like to believe that but...

If what is wrong with me is a personality disorder and the essence of me is my personality, then what is "me" that is not my disorder? In other words, if my personality is messed up, then I am messed up. Right?

[Forgive77]

I've asked that question many times at the begging. And sometimes still do. But no...you're not your disorder. Your disorder just causes you to display inappropriate anger occasionally, and that can be helped with medication, and therapy to find out who you really are and what you really stand for. That is the whole thing about this disorder. Who am I? Right now...I tell myself I'm my kid's mom, and I do what I can to be a good mother to them. I'm also a wife, and I do what I can to support my husband. Now do I question if I'm doing a good job? Every single day, and sometimes my disorder gets in the way of doing laundry, and being in a foggy state where I don't notice things that other people do. Sometimes my meds get in the way of actually caring about those things. I'm trying to learn to take care of myself first, however...I have the obstacle of having five children. So I just do my best every day. Sometimes that's freaking awesome, and sometimes it is what I consider sub par. I hate doing laundry and cleaning. A maturity thing most likely, but it overwhelms me. So then I start wishing I was 'normal.' But we aren't disorders and diseases...we are people who function differently sometimes, and occasionally respond in ways other people don't. I'm not BPD and BP...I'm someone who apparently has a big heart. Takes care of sick people in my home. I love everybody in my home, and could never live without them. I like nice things, and I'm very creative. I can cook pretty well, and I would do anything for all my friends and family that ever needed anything. That's who I am. Just because I get pissy...and argue a lot...doesn't mean I'm a nut ball. It just means those are my 'issues' to work on, and other people have other issues to work on. Such a weight, or blood pressure, or learning disabilities. But these people are also people. They just have different 'crap' to work on and deal with. No. You are not your disorder. I promise.

[Forgive77]

You are also someone who gave me an AWESOME idea to write about on my blog today! You get a gold star from me...as I have the same issues and struggle with this from time to time.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am not my disorder. I know that, too.

But I still am very aware of stigma and still feel very alone and isolated.

I still have thoughts in my head that say, "Billi, people are only going to see what they want to see and that's your bpd. How can you expect anyone to see anything else about you because once you're pegged as a bpd, you are EFFED."

And that makes me feel very sad and very scared and very angry. I need to remind myself that not all people will have that attitude. I do try to show my good traits and we all h ave them. The fear does permeate though, often. I hate feeling like I need to hide something.

thanks for th is,

Billi

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

I am confused. Several folks have said to me " You are not your disorder." I would like to believe that but...

If what is wrong with me is a personality disorder and the essence of me is my personality, then what is "me" that is not my disorder? In other words, if my personality is messed up, then I am messed up. Right?

Finally, my response!! Thought provoking questions, requires and interesting thought provoking answer. Ultimately, No, but possibly a false Yes in some situations.

We are NOT our disorder, and I would disagree, our personality is NOT our essence. The "essence" of who we are is that core belief that we all have, our values.. ie. If you believe that deep down you are really a kind, helpful, caring, loving individual that is you "or essence" at your core.

Unfortunately, our personality can be influenced by external factors, in our case BPD.. We could also say... ANY emotion influences our personality. Are you angry 100% of the time? Are you sad 100% of the time? Do people see your bpd 100% of the time? My guess would be the answer is NO! Their factors that influence your personality, but you still hold true to your core beliefs, that essence which is you.

While our BPD is with us 100% of the time, and we could say this about any emotion, people don't see our bpd 100% of the time. Their more likely to see bursts of uncontrolled negative energy. When you're in a bpd episode it's like a mask that covers your essence. People aren't seeing the "real" you. What their seeing is just a mask which hides who you really are at your core.

Our BPD episodes usually involves others, and when the episode is over and that mask is removed, sometimes all they remember is that mask, and they forget and no longer see that "real" you. All they see is the mask of bpd. So to them, you "MAY" be your disorder but it's false because it was just a mask..

So.. It would be part of or personality, but it is NOT who we are at our core.

Just an observation here that may be alienating to some: I've seen some people whose identity is based on their disorder. In a way they seem to glamorize it and embrace it as a lifestyle. That doesn't seem to be what you're doing at all and no I do not think a person is their disorder. I haven't met any of the anti-social, histrionic, or so-called psychopathic members so I can't be sure I could say the same about them.
Seems like a very good question though.

[ava1enzue1a]

Alright, I honestly had a tough time with this one as well... The OP's logic does seem pretty valid/sensible; I honestly would have drawn out a similar premise. However, thank God I came across a statement somewhere that helped me to define the answer to this question. First of all, the statement was this:

"I write a lot of blog posts about my BPD which helps me learn to understand it better" (Anonymous)

And I responded:

"Thank God you said this; because this can help define the answer to the question: 'Am I my disorder?' And I can conclude: NO. Put it this way: You can learn about your disorder, but what about your actual SELF? Who YOU really are? In other words, learning about your disorder and learning about who is underneath the disorder are 2 different things. So, to conclude: YOU AREN'T YOUR DISORDER!"

Hope this helps

Originally Posted by George H.

I've seen some people whose identity is based on their disorder. In a way they seem to glamorize it and embrace it as a lifestyle.

And this concept actually happens to be self-contradicting or paradoxical in nature with Borderline Personality Disorder... because one of the main characteristics of BPD itself is a LACK of identity (or "fragmented identity", "identity disturbance", "identity crisis" etc.) So the question still remains: Who are you, BPD aside?

[Perna]

A brief definition would be that personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. In addition to this, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life.

From: http://psychology.about.com/od/overv.../persondef.htm

That says to me that we have at least two components; one that comes from living life and our experiences and how we have chosen to apply what we believe we have learned and another "tinting" aspect that is kind of what we're born with (happy, serious, anxious, etc.).

Some of what we were born with (I was born "anxious") is going to influence our learning experiences, so, me as an example, I am going to have an "anxious" way about me, about thinking and I'm going to be inclined to jump to an anxious/worry mode of being by default. However, that does not mean I am predestined to be anxious/worry about everything; I can use other attributes of mine (good intelligence, common sense, humor, creativity/imagination) to override the automatic anxious so I can learn to not be anxious. Experience trumps almost everything else so if you can get your head believing an experience shows you X then next similar experience, you are going to go to X rather than something else. I got only 2 A's in 16 years of schooling and those in badminton and typing! I entered school again when I was in my 50's and got straight A's. I'm the same person but my adult experience trumped my anxious background/previous battles around school and education I'd had with my stepmother growing up.