My daily struggles

Trying to figure out why i keep hearing muffled conversations that aren't happening, and not comming from an outside source (people, tv, outside) it's freaky though, have had trouble sleeping again and feel like my mind/personality is spliting in half, each with its own traits. Good news Im going to see a counsoler on Monday.

Thinking of possibly taking a semester off of school, but Im so involved in marching band, and even though I know there is next year for that, I think thats what is holding me from taking off of school to get help and get myself together.

Just read through all of this and I don't know if anyone cares, but I figured an update is long overdue.

Let's see.. I got into college. I'm studying to be a nurse though. I'm on my second year and I love it. Yeah, it can be very stressful, but I'm SUPER happy that it hasn't given me anxiety. Like just a few weeks ago we had our practical studies where we had to log in 70 hours of actual work in hospital. That was the first time we were in a hospital as nurses, drawing blood and stuff like that and I was so worried that I was gonna have a bad anxiety attack the first day.. And I didn't. That just kind of reassured me that I chose the right thing to study.

I still love music.. Haven't written and played it in a while, but I do still sing pretty much every day. When the next season of Idol starts, I'm gonna go and try it. Who knows, right?

Umn.. Still haven't gotten an actual diagnose. Stupid, I know. I guess a big part of me doesn't want to know. I think I'm more scared that all tests are gonna show that there's nothing wrong with me and I'm left with no diagnose and just this mess of things.

Overall things have been better. I'm pretty sure that I don't have BPD. Just anxiety and some trauma from my childhood. And inability to trust men. And the issue of falling in love with unavailable men haha.

But yeah.. I guess that's all.