[cboxpalace]

It's NEVER enough!!!

I was alone, and no longer had anyone to talk to (I'm on disability) . I was defeated and lonely. It was hard! I was at a crossroads or better yet I was like one of two witches watching two watches, which watch would this witch be watching the one allowing time to pass me by or the one that said I could try. SO....

I tried!!

I'm bored with this story at the moment.... SO.. I'm gonna go onto another story, and then comeback to this one, if the mood strikes me and I'm sure it will..

I completed dbt a few weeks ago. How was it? It was ok! Some things worked, and some things didn't, and some things I found to be weird and yet I tell people to do them and supposedly they work.

I guess what I'm BEST at is anticipating events or coping ahead. I might..... hear an answer I don't like... There might be... something unacceptable to me. In the past.... On my anger scale I'd go from 1 to about a 17 in a heartbeat, and 10 would be high for a normal person. Anyways, I'm good, maybe slightly better than good, at anticipating these situations and countering the those harmful emotions. I've found in these situations where I'm successful... I don't feel anything. I've had to ask normal people if that's a normal reaction.. It's NOT!!! I'm still not normal.. It's just this not normal is emotionless.

Back to my original story that I interrupted to bring you that information or maybe observation.

SO.....

Earlier in the year I set out to do something, and I guess for awhile it was mildly successful, but to be honest I was obsessed with it and it went downhill and ultimately failed.

So.....

The first paragraph would really go here.. Let's revisit it....
I was alone, and no longer had anyone to talk to (I'm on disability) . I was defeated and lonely. It was hard! I was at a crossroads or better yet I was like one of two witches watching two watches, which watch would this witch be watching the one allowing time to pass me by or the one that said I could try. SO....

I tried!!

I didn't no anyone, I had no encouragement, I was scared about failing, I wanted to promote elsewhere but didn't have the confidence, thought people would laugh at me, and everything in my head so I couldn't do it and I'd fail. This occurred from start to finish by the way.

For whatever reason I pushed forward, and this time I accomplished almost EVERYTHING that I wanted to the first go around. The part that I haven't accomplished isn't something that I can't.. It's more that I just haven't gotten around to it. I'm not sure how practical it will be, but I don't know if I care.. It's more about just doing it, because I think I can, because I have great people around me that are talented. Honestly, I think it will be successful. I guess the other thing I did was be mindful of where I went wrong the first go around, and do the complete opposite. When I felt like I was becoming obsessed.. I walked away. At one point I thought about prematurely leaving it, and I'm glad I did the opposite of what I would've easily done in the past. I like what I've done, because I've met GREAT people whether they realize it or not.

The moral of this is.... YOUR mind will lie to you. My mind told me I wasn't good enough, I'd fail, and no one would be interested. The reality is.... I was good enough, I didn't fail, and people were interested. I'm thankful for those people I've met. They brighten my day..

I realize the accomplishment, but I don't feel it. It seems like the feeling should be more, but it's more of a realization than a feeling. I want more. I want the feeling, and the realization. I'm still not normal.

It's not enough.

This thread is now something I can cross off my list of things to do, because I've always wanted to work a tongue twister into a relevent thread. I have no desire to be like anyone else, because I choose not to be.

-cbox

[Trippin2.0]

and you know what? Your thread just confirmed what I knew all along So proud of you

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

and you know what? Your thread just confirmed what I knew all along So proud of you

Don't you just love when your name is in the title!!! LOL

Way to go Cobox!!! xoxoxoxoxo

[Trippin2.0]

I do yes! I DESERVE to be in thread titles

[cboxpalace]

I amaze myself.... I can work 3 names into a title, as well as, weave a tongue twister into a relevent post..... I'm out of ideas now... Anything to amuse me???????????????

[Trippin2.0]

How about world domination?

[NYCDoglvr]

The moral of this is.... YOUR mind will lie to you. My mind told me I wasn't good enough, I'd fail, and no one would be interested. The reality is.... I was good enough, I didn't fail, and people were interested. I'm thankful for those people I've met. They brighten my day..

Huge insight. How about calling it "borderline-think" as a way of distancing it from the healthy part of you. It also makes it easier to question our thoughts and turn them right size up. Here's my mantra: "feelings aren't facts" Helps keep my reaction in check.