I hate that im sick. I hate that i can't get appropriate help for being sick. I hate that im not stable enough to hold down a job. I hate that i barely have enough money to get by let alone improve my situation. I hate that despite all this i put effort into helping others and get it thrown back in my face. I hate that im not able to resolve everything myself because that would be easier than trying to get people who don't even care enough to listen to assist you. I hate that after everything they have done to me i now feel nothing towards anyone in my family. I hate how others treat my sexuality. I hate every fibre of my being. I hate that im filled with so much hatred. I hate that i am still here.

Just felt the urge to put it out there...not looking for sympathy or ideas on how i can improve things

[ba.ll.oo.n]

Right there with you

A shout out to the world? I hear you. Smile...and the world smiles with you

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by bb2023

I hate that im sick. I hate that i can't get appropriate help for being sick. I hate that im not stable enough to hold down a job. I hate that i barely have enough money to get by let alone improve my situation. I hate that despite all this i put effort into helping others and get it thrown back in my face. I hate that im not able to resolve everything myself because that would be easier than trying to get people who don't even care enough to listen to assist you. I hate that after everything they have done to me i now feel nothing towards anyone in my family. I hate how others treat my sexuality. I hate every fibre of my being. I hate that im filled with so much hatred. I hate that i am still here.

Just felt the urge to put it out there...not looking for sympathy or ideas on how i can improve things

Throw some **** around in private. Rip up pillows, and people's pictures. burn something...just not your house down or anything. Maybe a picture or something like that. I'm in a pissy mood...I did it to myself though, because I talked about my feelings, and now I'm stuck with the sorry crap. Woo HOO! If you're alone.....scream at the top of your lungs every obscenity that comes to mind. I like the 'f' word. It feels so good to say it. Especially when you scream it till your throat hurts!

I have many gay friends...I love them more than anything. You just have to hang on to the people who accept you, and screw the rest of them. They'll only trigger you!

[Forgive77]

Oh wait...if you meant you hate that you're the opposite sex of what you think you should be....I can relate! There are so many days I wish I was a man! I feel like they get away with a lot of this crap more than women do. Sorry to piss of the males here....just stating my opinion...I'd love to physically fight someone and get away with it, and drink a beer after!!!

Originally Posted by Forgive77

Throw some **** around in private. Rip up pillows, and people's pictures. burn something...just not your house down or anything. Maybe a picture or something like that. I'm in a pissy mood...I did it to myself though, because I talked about my feelings, and now I'm stuck with the sorry crap. Woo HOO! If you're alone.....scream at the top of your lungs every obscenity that comes to mind. I like the 'f' word. It feels so good to say it. Especially when you scream it till your throat hurts!

I have many gay friends...I love them more than anything. You just have to hang on to the people who accept you, and screw the rest of them. They'll only trigger you!

Its ok, cutting myself to s hit is usually what works best, it might not be as effective anymore but at least its something

Originally Posted by George H.

A shout out to the world? I hear you. Smile...and the world smiles with you

Thanks for putting the time into such a worthwhile response

Just felt the urge to put it out there...not looking for sympathy or ideas on how i can improve things

You're welcome

Originally Posted by George H.

You're welcome

Thanks again

[FacingChains]

Originally Posted by bb2023

I hate that im sick. I hate that i can't get appropriate help for being sick. I hate that im not stable enough to hold down a job. I hate that i barely have enough money to get by let alone improve my situation. I hate that despite all this i put effort into helping others and get it thrown back in my face. I hate that im not able to resolve everything myself because that would be easier than trying to get people who don't even care enough to listen to assist you. I hate that after everything they have done to me i now feel nothing towards anyone in my family. I hate how others treat my sexuality. I hate every fibre of my being. I hate that im filled with so much hatred. I hate that i am still here.

Just felt the urge to put it out there...not looking for sympathy or ideas on how i can improve things

Thanks for reading my mind. i feel better knowing Im not alone.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by FacingChains

Thanks for reading my mind. i feel better knowing Im not alone.

I meant to reply to both facing's and bb's post on this feeling.

Me, too, facing and bb.

I still have bursts of self-hate and frustration about my bpd and my life.

Billi

[OctobersBlackRose]

Yeah, in reply to everyone, I can relate, most days I go through some sort of point where I get really angry and frustrated with myself and my life, sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes the whole day, and it can be for no reason at all I will get like that.

To respond to you, bb2023, I definitely hear your rage and anger at how you have had to deal with the out of control emotions. I know and understand because I've dealt with them all my life . . . I've stuffed them down and made them disappear by force because no one wanted to hear about them. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is our illness. . . this was what we were taught as children. We learned that what we felt was "too much" or "too extreme". Not true. It was how were were born. We were born with brains that registered emotions on a higher level than others. It didn't make us less capable than others or MORE capable than others. . . it just made us DIFFERENT than others.

It is what our brains have subjected us to! Are we slaves to this? I don't think so. But coming out of this "gulag" of emtional turmoil isn't easy. Typical "psychotherapists" are usually not equipped to deal with BPD. They are often disturbed or nervous when taking us on as clients. They see us as "manupulative" or immature. They see psychotherapy as requiring STRICT boundaries: ie around phoning, emailing, texting, extra sessions . ... Heck, I think those are issues that most clients face, not just BPD clients! Funny, when a therapist has no idea about the BPD diagnosis of a client, they have none of these reservations. What does that say about the validity of the diagnosis? Take care!