[athena2011]

I didn't think I needed much space at one point in my life. The more attention the better. The more somebody wanted to spend time with me the better. Then I met...and split from... my ex. He was so needy and draining I eventually needed TONS of space. Now I need so much space from him the planet is not big enough.

Now, fast forward to today. I'm in a relatively new relationship. Everything seems to be going fine. But this guy seems to need his space. He does not need me. If I go over to his place or not...he's fine either way. I find it disconcerting. It's good that he doesn't NEED me. But it's also unsettling that he doesn't need me. For one with abandonment issues, I second guess where I stand on a daily basis. I suppose 'splitting' is coming into play. 'Not needing' becomes 'not wanting' in my world. But when we're together everything's wonderful. I don't get it.

How much space do you need from your significant other? How much space do they need? What I mean by that is - how much time do you spend with them and is that a problem for one of you? How do you deal with it?

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I have similar questions to this.

I always think I am driving people away or being with them too much. Or too little, even.

What is normal?

I don't know either.

And I relate to dealing with how great it is when I am connecting with someone. But the moment we are apart, I question what's going on and if or when they will call me or talk to me.

thanks for this post.

Billi

[Fleur**]

I do a weird kind of 'push-pull' thing when it comes to space. When someone's close to me, it's great and then I suddenly feel suffocated, and can't take it. This is when I isolate myself until I get desperately lonely, and then the cycle starts again.

I think that guy sounds psychologically healthy- a psychologically healthy person can live without their partner. They don't crumble like Bpds often do when alone.It's actually a compliment because it means they're not with you for the selfish fact that they are totally dependent on you. Instead, they're with you because they love you, which is technically far better, although the fact that someone would love me in that way is disconcerting to me in itself. I'm used to codependency, not love! Eek. ;-)

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Fleur**

I do a weird kind of 'push-pull' thing when it comes to space. When someone's close to me, it's great and then I suddenly feel suffocated, and can't take it. This is when I isolate myself until I get desperately lonely, and then the cycle starts again.

I am just discovering this about myself. I'm fine around somebody up to a certain time limit, then I become a different person, like it is just so much effort to be around them. I think perhaps that I am so energized when I am 'being me' with somebody that I burn out after a time and just have to recharge my batteries. I thought it was some kind of social anxiety but now I'm beginning to rethink that.

Originally Posted by Fleur**

I think that guy sounds psychologically healthy- a psychologically healthy person can live without their partner. They don't crumble like Bpds often do when alone.It's actually a compliment because it means they're not with you for the selfish fact that they are totally dependent on you. Instead, they're with you because they love you, which is technically far better, although the fact that someone would love me in that way is disconcerting to me in itself. I'm used to codependency, not love! Eek. ;-)

This sounds so much like what I was thinking. I'm so used to people who are not emotionally healthy that I hardly know how to deal with this person. Well, I suppose that's why we usually end up with the kind of people we're used to...we understand them. They may be bad for us...but we 'get' them.