[esther'rose]

I don't really know what to do with myself.. I'm 14 and I was sexually abused 3 times by 3 different people, all of which I knew and trusted. One was 37, the other two were my age. The first abuse with the older man lasted 5 years and it left me with PTSD for a long time. I have BPD and today has been awful. My mum found my suicide note today, I was going to do it while she went out to walk the dog. I can't stand myself anymore. I'm so ugly and fat and I can never do anything right! I disappoint myself and others every single day and I hate it. What do I do? I've self harmed again, I didn't mean to...well I did, but everyone's upset and my mum is considering getting me sectioned and sent back to the mental hospital in Colchester I was in before..I can't go back there, I just can't..

Take one day, one minute, at a time. That is all any of us can do. If you haven't started any kind of DBT training, you may want to think about it. If you need info, let me know. We also have a chat going on around 11 or midnight your time tomorrow night that's you're welcome to attend, and there's a forum of sexual abuse that would be worth visiting. Just know that you're not alone in your feelings. It's all we can offer for certain, but it will hopefully help. Take care and write as much and as often as you need to. Use this site to help.

Hi esther,

Do you have a therapist /counsellor /psychiatrist that you can talk to? I strongly urge that you talk to a therapist. Is there a way to avoid hospitalization by going to regular therapy?

The victims of abuse and PTSD forums may also be helpful to you here.

I agree with Mara, keep posting and writing...you are not alone.

Also, you are so young sweetheart, I really hope you don't feel too overwhelmed...there is always hope. Just one moment at a time, one breath at a time.

We're very happy to have you on the BPD forum. My best to you

[ley5894]

If going in is the best, then there is nothing wrong with it at all. It can really help.