[irishclover]

I don't really know what other people's triggers are, I don't even know what my own are, or exactly what a trigger is, but I do know I don't want someone to read my thread and feel bad, so all posts from me which aren't in a positive light will be flagged as trigger.

I really don't like this BPD. All of the ups and downs every single day. I'm tired of crying for no reason. I called to tell my niece Happy Birthday and it made me begin to cry. I hate feeling emotionally out of control. I wish I had the money for therapy. I wish I had the courage to talk to people in person about my feelings instead of hiding behind a computer. I don't understand how it all happens, how one minute everything is ok and the next I want to cry.

I'm at least realizing some of the things I did before to escape from feeling. It's hard not to return to that. I wish there were a medication to at put an emotional block up so I can get through the day. I wish there were something to erase memories. I thought reminising was part of healing for everyone, now I'm beginning to think it's a way for me to relive the past and isn't part of healing.

I just want to be able to regain focus on what's important. I'm trying to turn to God for solace, it's not really helping right now though. I serisously need to get something for anxiety too because as soon as I start to cry, anxiety sets in, it's hard to breathe, my lungs get extremely tight, my stomach knots, my jaw clenches. I've noticed I have anxiety while driving too. UGH...I wish I knew the answers.

The problem with BPD is not the reminiscing, though we think of things much more and allow it to get to us too much. The problem we have is with what is called Radical Acceptance. Everyone feels pain, it's part of life. Most people are able to accept what's happened in short order and go on....those are people I envy. We, on the other hand, hold on and are unable to do that. Pain is feeling something that makes you unhappy, accepting it, and going on. Suffering is when you can't do that. A trigger is basically anything that would cause the suffering to return. Anything about self injury or suicide, or, for us, anything that brings back the memories. I'd be willing to introduce you to DBT therapy. What it tries to teach us is to live in the present; not to dwell in the past or worry about the future since there's nothing to do about them. It doesn't try to make you block out the feelings....that's actually harmful because they'll usually come back with a vengeance, but instead attempts to teach you to let the feelings go. I'm not the expert on DBT but will help if I can. Yahoo offers a free DBT class that I can give you info on, and PC has a DBT chat on Saturdays. PM me if you want and I'll see what I can do.

Originally Posted by irishclover

I don't really know what other people's triggers are, I don't even know what my own are, or exactly what a trigger is, but I do know I don't want someone to read my thread and feel bad, so all posts from me which aren't in a positive light will be flagged as trigger.

I really don't like this BPD. All of the ups and downs every single day. I'm tired of crying for no reason. I called to tell my niece Happy Birthday and it made me begin to cry. I hate feeling emotionally out of control. I wish I had the money for therapy. I wish I had the courage to talk to people in person about my feelings instead of hiding behind a computer. I don't understand how it all happens, how one minute everything is ok and the next I want to cry.

I'm at least realizing some of the things I did before to escape from feeling. It's hard not to return to that. I wish there were a medication to at put an emotional block up so I can get through the day. I wish there were something to erase memories. I thought reminising was part of healing for everyone, now I'm beginning to think it's a way for me to relive the past and isn't part of healing.

I just want to be able to regain focus on what's important. I'm trying to turn to God for solace, it's not really helping right now though. I serisously need to get something for anxiety too because as soon as I start to cry, anxiety sets in, it's hard to breathe, my lungs get extremely tight, my stomach knots, my jaw clenches. I've noticed I have anxiety while driving too. UGH...I wish I knew the answers.

Hey Irish, you are speaking my language. I experience this a lot. For instance, today, I couldn't accept that I was feeling awful, I couldn't take my mind off of it, I couldn't focus on anything and I couldn't get out of my head and my horrible feeling for more than a few minutes...DBT trains us so we can use Radical Acceptance and like mara said, move forward. We tend to get 'stuck'...I personally get 'stuck' a LOT!

I also explained in another thread that we BPDs experience emotions VERY differently (at least in my experience)...I liken a 'healthy' person's view of emotions to a color wheel. Their emotions are many colors like any human being. Say if someone is standing in the 'red section' they can see the colors that come next, the colors that are adjacent, the previous colors and integrate them all together into a nice rainbow color wheel...they know their emotions are temporary. We, however, experience emotions as squares of color, separate from one another. There will be a blue square, a red square and what have you. If we're in say the red square, that is all that we can see, we are in a red room: red walls, ceiling and floor. No door, no window. We can't seem to integrate our emotions and know that they will pass and move to others.

DBT is supposed to help with this, it first trains us how to cope when we are extremely emotional, it gives us skills to practice when we're feeling all right and eventually gives us a new way of viewing and experiencing the world. This site is a great place to start: www.dbtselfhelp.com

I have been working a few weeks on it and have noticed some small improvements, although I have a very long way to go.
I completely relate to your post -- I feel the exact same way...I wish I could not suffer from my emotions, but rather just experience them and move on as mara was saying. I also have used unhealthy ways of coping and means to escape the feelings (ie. drugging and drinking). Although I don't do those things anymore, it's certainly difficult to find alternatives. With enough work I think it's possible to find healthy ways. Our lives aren't going to be void of pain and horrible feelings, but they can be void of suffering constantly from them. Remember to be gentle and patient with yourself, it's not something that comes naturally, we have to learn a whole new way of thinking and behaving!

[tohelpafriend]

Good comments; I experience some of the same, but mostly i get stuck in some area of pain, trying to figure out what happened - if it was hurtful or threatening. I had a tough session with my T today. She ran through the DSM (?) book on bpd because i said again
i couldn't let go of some experiences. I scored only 2 out of the 9. I also tried not to conflict with her, (as I'm recovering from hospital), but she insisted she never said something and I was making an observation as I remember it. I love my T. If you can get the dbt part of mindfulness skills, there are emotional regulations skills, distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness skills. I just reread this part on letting go of emotional suffering..."observe, acknowledge, experience the emotion without BEING the emotion. She states suffering is reduced by acknowledging emotional pain. For instance, my younger daughter left for Ca August 23. At first, my emotion of missing her, and the fact that she's 3000 miles west, hurt at first....then i focussed on the good she is finding...a new job...warm climate....i'm n
ot abandoned....helped me take hold of the facts. I don't know the answer to emotions getting in our way or out of control, or making us feel "stuck". "Act in ways that make you feel capable and effective". I like Linehan's ideas, but bpd is an Axis II disorder, and depression is Axis I. T insisted I'm not really BP, but I do have some of the traits, so I'm just trying to target those. Sorry, I ran on and on. What I don't understand is, when several in one group have 5 - 9 traits per DBT as defined in the DSM (Axis II), how can this be so? They are specific problems, not generalizations, a group might have in common. But we have different minds and physiology. We have different parents, siblings, and adult relationships, and still one group might have the exact same 5 -9 traits. Am I missing something here? I know it's a skill to distract and play music, games, take a walk or something when emotions get stuck. I try to do this when I'm not getting factual answers to a problem. Oh, well....see you soon....Have a great evening and week. Peace, "to help a friend".................

[irishclover]

Originally Posted by stratocaster

Hey Irish, you are speaking my language. I experience this a lot. For instance, today, I couldn't accept that I was feeling awful, I couldn't take my mind off of it, I couldn't focus on anything and I couldn't get out of my head and my horrible feeling for more than a few minutes...DBT trains us so we can use Radical Acceptance and like mara said, move forward. We tend to get 'stuck'...I personally get 'stuck' a LOT!

I also explained in another thread that we BPDs experience emotions VERY differently (at least in my experience)...I liken a 'healthy' person's view of emotions to a color wheel. Their emotions are many colors like any human being. Say if someone is standing in the 'red section' they can see the colors that come next, the colors that are adjacent, the previous colors and integrate them all together into a nice rainbow color wheel...they know their emotions are temporary. We, however, experience emotions as squares of color, separate from one another. There will be a blue square, a red square and what have you. If we're in say the red square, that is all that we can see, we are in a red room: red walls, ceiling and floor. No door, no window. We can't seem to integrate our emotions and know that they will pass and move to others.

DBT is supposed to help with this, it first trains us how to cope when we are extremely emotional, it gives us skills to practice when we're feeling all right and eventually gives us a new way of viewing and experiencing the world. This site is a great place to start: www.dbtselfhelp.com

I have been working a few weeks on it and have noticed some small improvements, although I have a very long way to go.
I completely relate to your post -- I feel the exact same way...I wish I could not suffer from my emotions, but rather just experience them and move on as mara was saying. I also have used unhealthy ways of coping and means to escape the feelings (ie. drugging and drinking). Although I don't do those things anymore, it's certainly difficult to find alternatives. With enough work I think it's possible to find healthy ways. Our lives aren't going to be void of pain and horrible feelings, but they can be void of suffering constantly from them. Remember to be gentle and patient with yourself, it's not something that comes naturally, we have to learn a whole new way of thinking and behaving!

Thank you, and yes I will look into DBT, I'm sure that's exactly what I need and yes, that's it true. No matter what the emotion, that's all I focus on is how it's making me feel inside. Thanks again

[irishclover]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

Good comments; I experience some of the same, but mostly i get stuck in some area of pain, trying to figure out what happened - if it was hurtful or threatening. I had a tough session with my T today. She ran through the DSM (?) book on bpd because i said again
i couldn't let go of some experiences. I scored only 2 out of the 9. I also tried not to conflict with her, (as I'm recovering from hospital), but she insisted she never said something and I was making an observation as I remember it. I love my T. If you can get the dbt part of mindfulness skills, there are emotional regulations skills, distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness skills. I just reread this part on letting go of emotional suffering..."observe, acknowledge, experience the emotion without BEING the emotion. She states suffering is reduced by acknowledging emotional pain. For instance, my younger daughter left for Ca August 23. At first, my emotion of missing her, and the fact that she's 3000 miles west, hurt at first....then i focussed on the good she is finding...a new job...warm climate....i'm n
ot abandoned....helped me take hold of the facts. I don't know the answer to emotions getting in our way or out of control, or making us feel "stuck". "Act in ways that make you feel capable and effective". I like Linehan's ideas, but bpd is an Axis II disorder, and depression is Axis I. T insisted I'm not really BP, but I do have some of the traits, so I'm just trying to target those. Sorry, I ran on and on. What I don't understand is, when several in one group have 5 - 9 traits per DBT as defined in the DSM (Axis II), how can this be so? They are specific problems, not generalizations, a group might have in common. But we have different minds and physiology. We have different parents, siblings, and adult relationships, and still one group might have the exact same 5 -9 traits. Am I missing something here? I know it's a skill to distract and play music, games, take a walk or something when emotions get stuck. I try to do this when I'm not getting factual answers to a problem. Oh, well....see you soon....Have a great evening and week. Peace, "to help a friend".................

Thank you for sharing; and yes I agree everyone is different and what might be a symptom for one may not be a symptom for another and especially coping strategies vary from person to person. It's findig what works for the individual. I think that's the think I love about psychology, we study socialolgy to help with psychology. Have to study the group as a whole to figure out how other do things to help themselves and that may help a single person.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

the dbtselfhelp.com site has been a sanity saver for me as well.

It can be done.

Carol