[ley5894]

Hey.
So I've known I've had BPD for a long time, but I am just now being diagnosed (was "too young", had not been reporting symptoms for long enough, etc). Most of my friends are younger than I am, like 13 or so (I just relate to them better. Its not like I'm a pedophile or anything inappropriate, and I'm a sort of role model for them in our community [we're thespians]), so it's not something I'm going to talk to them about for a while. The older ones know of some of the issues I've been dealing with, but the in depth stuff itsn't something that they need to know about yet.
ANYWAY, I have a few pretty close friends my age-we're all just starting out in college, etc. They know a lot about what I've been through-still not it all because I don't want them to worry too much about me. I told my two closest friends this today:

"I have Borderling Personality Dissorder with Bi-Polar Depression. I'm telling you about the new diagnosis not to get attention, but so you know if i say or do things that are just...wrong...its not me. Its the disease. And because I don't want to loose you as a friend because of it. It's not an excuse for me to do or say stupid *****...but when I do, I just need you to understand that it, in a way, is not my fault and there are things that I do that are not under my control. I've always had it, so its not really a new thing,but this type of thing is something that can't be diagnosed until early adulthood because its a personality thing and like personality forms...etc
This isn't like a disclaimer and by saying that you get it or that you understand is like signing a waver, because that makes me feel guilty. But in a way it is that. I just need you to know that no matter what I say or do, I do value our friendship over whatever may have illicted a bad reaction from me."

I didn't like start the convo like that, I said that like I needed to talk to themand I guess eased them into it a bit more. One of them is a psych major and knew a bit about BPD already, but the other didn't so I gave her the link to the article on BPD on this site.

I guess what I want to ask is what reactions other people have gotten when they've told loved ones about their diagnosis. Or anything else you have to say that might be relevant to this. Feel free to friend me and PM me! Love talking to people I can relate to

Hi Ley

We're happy to have you here and I'm sure you'll find many people around here that you can relate to.

As far as 'coming out' with this disorder, the closest people in my life told me that I had it rather than me telling them...so that was interesting. Also, others I've told don't believe me or just don't know enough about it to find it concerning. I haven't had anyone run away from me yet, so that's good.

Again, we're glad to have you here. Have you found that DBT has helped you significantly?

[tohelpafriend]

Hi, all....After 5 years, my T identified borderline traits in my behavior. Then we started DBT after CBT. Her take is the skills learned in DBT can be applied to the acting out behaviors. My borderline traits I'm learning, are the defense mechanisms of the unconscious. They are serious and protective of the child. Developing honest emotions and responses in relationships is my goal. It's a complex puzzle. Emotional deficits in childhood are hard to understand in the present, I'm finding. I'm looking forward to meeting more peeps in this group. Love,
"tohelpafriend"

[ley5894]

Originally Posted by stratocaster

Have you found that DBT has helped you significantly?

Yes- I stayed so long because it was. I took it at New York Presbyterian Westchester Division/Weil Cornell. It was the adolecent model developed by Alex Miller down at Montefiore, but Jeremy Stone, who was my t during that time and the leader of the group added some things as well.
It was great. I really think that everyone-with a MI or not-should do it.

[Vibe]

I try to have a different focus with these conversations. I know that although I have a reason why I sometimes act poorly, it's not going to prevent those around me from being hurt when this happens. I try to explain what's going on so they can understand and help put it in perspective when it happens. However, I also engage them in helping.

For instance, my newest tactics in this area are to walk away early if I think I'm about to go off; and to have others say it's time to walk away when things start to go south. The people in my life are important to me and I don't want to hurt them. I also don't want to teach them that they should take verbal abuse for any reason. This could set a precedent for future abusive situations in their lives, and that's certainly not a legacy I want.

[PeterHeater]

Hey Ley,

I just accepted my BPD yesterday. It's been a long time and I have been in denial. I found this site last night and couldn't believe the people who were similar to me. It's a huge weight off my back. I've felt alone. I hope I can make some friends. I actually live in Binghamton. PM me sometime.

I've only mentioned it to a few people and was completely invalidated. "ANYONE could have BPD depending on how you interpret the traits". I'm on my own for now....

[ley5894]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I've only mentioned it to a few people and was completely invalidated. "ANYONE could have BPD depending on how you interpret the traits". I'm on my own for now....

That sucks...I truly am sorry for you.

Originally Posted by PeterHeater

Hey Ley,

I just accepted my BPD yesterday. It's been a long time and I have been in denial. I found this site last night and couldn't believe the people who were similar to me. It's a huge weight off my back. I've felt alone. I hope I can make some friends. I actually live in Binghamton. PM me sometime.

I don't necessarily get why, but many, many of us have been on the denial train and it took us a long time to accept. I think part of the reason is that we've tried to act and be normal for so long that admitting BPD seems as a type of defeat to us. Hopefully by admitting it, however, we've hopefully made the first step towards a better tomorrow.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I was diagnosed in 2001 by an understanding psychiatrist, but he is long gone now. The others who diagnosed me again, in 2010 left me high and dry, referred me to a useless facility (would not take me becaue I am in the "wrong zip code"!!!) and when I called them back to ask for more help, they basically ditched me.

Last year, I found a pdoc and hid my diagnosis, but he had an issue with me, yelled at me in front of a whole waiting room, humiliated me.

Since then, I have attempted to treat myself with dbtselfhelp.com, talking to my mentor, walking on the beach, applying the self-soothing ideas on the dbt site, etc.---and coming on here.

There is a way out if you work hard at it.

Take heart, take care,

Welcome!

Carol