I must say this is the worse I have ever felt since being diagnosed with BPD (5 years a go)

I am constantly in and out of crisis, I feel suicidal most days and self harm everyday, I know this post sounds depressing, My therapist said to me yesterday that we need to work on my negative thoughts in which I agree, I look at the worksheets she gave me and it is so hard to think positive when for so long I have been made to feel hopeless.

I want out of this situation, I can't do it anymore, I find I am fighting a losing battle

[Turtleboy]

Tink that's awful i really hope you feel better soon and i wish u can find some things to feel positive about. any of the people i know with bpd say its so tough to cope with and i cant imagine how you feel, hope you find some support for your situation.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I hope someone can help you with this.

You don't deserve it. And I relate to struggling with positive thoughts.

Carol

[shezbut]

Tinkerbell,

I really do understand what you're talking about. Some times are more miserable than others ~ I'm actually on a big high right now, but just this morning I was fighting SI (as usual). Crazy!

Are you seeing a T that practices CBT or is it DBT? Just curious, my T doesn't specialize in either, but I do go to group DBT which can help a lot in those really dark times. We're finishing one of the segments now, on Emotion Regulation. I have a LONG list of pleasant events to refer to, to get me through the hard times.

There are over 176 things listed (that don't involve self-harm), a few of my favorites: arts & crafts, cooking, hiking, walking or running, gardening, playing tennis, listening to music, walking in the woods or at the ocean, collecting shells & stones, photography of flowers (nature), playing with animals, cleaning (to get aggression out), splurging (although I can't afford it!), playing cards, word search puzzles, shooting pool, working on a puzzle, visiting museums, and thinking about becoming active in the community. For instance, I've adopted a certain part of a nearby highway to pick up trash. Litter is a big pet peeve of mine, so I enjoy walking a few miles and cleaning the sides of the road. Nature is my personal #1 relief ~ it doesn't trigger me. People do trigger me, which is why almost all of my favorite events don't involve other people.

They say that the lower that we feel, the more positive experiences we need to get us through to a better state of mind. Try to put all of your thought into doing ___. Sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste (if applicable).

((((hugs))))

feel better tinkerbell..

[AngelWolf3]

I hope you feel better, just sending as much warmth your way as I can...

[SoupDragon]

((((Tink)))) - I still have all the nonsense that goes on in my head and at times it can be very overwhelming, but gradually through 2.5 years work with my T, I am gradually noticing that I am able to just be aware of it / interested in it / an observer of it, rather than being it. It has taken time, hard work and at times hopelessness, but at those really dark times, I managed to find a small voice in my head to tell me to just have faith that it would get better, just to take a moment at a time.

I am sorry it is so hard for you right now, I wish there was something that I could say to make it different for you, but please know you are cared about.

Soup

Thanks

Shez, I am doing CT with my therapist right now,She is trying to teach me a way to look at things more positively but it is really hard when I feel like this.

I am trying distractions but they are not working, If I don't feel better tomorrow then I might go to a&e.

[LadyShadow]

I know it is hard right now. I am struggling too, having a hard day myself. You are not alone Tink. It is hard to stay positive when you have so much running through your head. Warm thoughts and hugs go out to you from my way......

[Paris67]

So much like me. Hugs.