[Techscape]

After the introduction here a few days ago I withdrew from this place because I felt like my questions would never get answered, no one would care enough, or just leave this high and dry. Unfortunately I have a brief moment of coming to my senses so before I can go back to the raging train wreck that I am right now, I will do what I can to at least get some advice. I suppose that my borderline is unique and maybe not, I guess I can clarify that later because I really am trying to sidetrack myself. I used to fight people on the streets, get into knife fights, risk my life not because I was too chicken S*** to take my own life that just comes natural... I fight to save my life every day because for whatever reason people say I am worth something on this planet. I have since stopped fighting three years ago, under orders of my therapist and my girlfriend at the time. I replaced that with working out. OK, sounds good right? Well skip forward to now, a back injury later, and a horrible rocky relationship (I am leaving a lot out on purpose), and you get this current problem. I have started to lift weights again to manage the anger as best I can. Still doesn't stop the outbursts or the behaviors that come with it, but at least I can say I'm still fighting. I can partially manage the anger, but I cannot for the life of me manage the binge eating. I have kept alcohol out of the fridge... but I just want to eat and eat and eat. It goes beyond high metabolic rate, I hate feeling so fragmented, empty, alone... I need to lose the weight I gained off of injured binge eating, but it is killing me. I cannot balance this and I need advice. Can anyone out there give me a hand? I would also like to say I have no problem giving past details about me, but I have not quite established the right amount of trust to do so, so I try to keep the details brief. Sorry if that pisses any of you off, I do not care if it does.

[AndStillIRise]

Originally Posted by Techscape

After the introduction here a few days ago I withdrew from this place because I felt like my questions would never get answered, no one would care enough, or just leave this high and dry. Unfortunately I have a brief moment of coming to my senses so before I can go back to the raging train wreck that I am right now, I will do what I can to at least get some advice. I suppose that my borderline is unique and maybe not, I guess I can clarify that later because I really am trying to sidetrack myself. I used to fight people on the streets, get into knife fights, risk my life not because I was too chicken S*** to take my own life that just comes natural... I fight to save my life every day because for whatever reason people say I am worth something on this planet. I have since stopped fighting three years ago, under orders of my therapist and my girlfriend at the time. I replaced that with working out. OK, sounds good right? Well skip forward to now, a back injury later, and a horrible rocky relationship (I am leaving a lot out on purpose), and you get this current problem. I have started to lift weights again to manage the anger as best I can. Still doesn't stop the outbursts or the behaviors that come with it, but at least I can say I'm still fighting. I can partially manage the anger, but I cannot for the life of me manage the binge eating. I have kept alcohol out of the fridge... but I just want to eat and eat and eat. It goes beyond high metabolic rate, I hate feeling so fragmented, empty, alone... I need to lose the weight I gained off of injured binge eating, but it is killing me. I cannot balance this and I need advice. Can anyone out there give me a hand? I would also like to say I have no problem giving past details about me, but I have not quite established the right amount of trust to do so, so I try to keep the details brief. Sorry if that pisses any of you off, I do not care if it does.

Hello. It does sound like you have some challenges but you have come quite a ways. That's something to be proud of! Sometimes I get so stuck on how much I have left to improve that I don't notice how much progress I've made. So, I first want to note how much you have improved over the years. As for managing emotions, exercise is definitely helpful. Have you tried water sports? Exercising in the water takes stress off your joints or other injuries, it might be worth a try. Depending on the nature of your injury you may try other activities to relax, activities that may not be active such as caring for animals, art, woodworking, etc... I find keeping my hands busy helps me release nervous energy, so I do clay work and beading/jewelry making. I literally lose track of time when I am in my creative zone. Are there any activities like this which might interest you? when my kids were young and they got angry I would give them crayons and paper and I would ask them to draw or scribble anything they wanted. Sometimes they would just make huge jagged lines back and forth on the paper to release their frustration. Afterward they would rip it up, bunch it up and pitch it in the trash can. It seemed to help them rid themselves of negative energy. I realize this may not translate the same to an adult managing our emotions but adapting the idea to something that may work for you is my intent.

I hope these ideas are of some use, let me know if you would like to brainstorm more. congratulations on your progress thus far!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Techscape

After the introduction here a few days ago I withdrew from this place because I felt like my questions would never get answered, no one would care enough, or just leave this high and dry. Unfortunately I have a brief moment of coming to my senses so before I can go back to the raging train wreck that I am right now, I will do what I can to at least get some advice. I suppose that my borderline is unique and maybe not, I guess I can clarify that later because I really am trying to sidetrack myself. I used to fight people on the streets, get into knife fights, risk my life not because I was too chicken S*** to take my own life that just comes natural... I fight to save my life every day because for whatever reason people say I am worth something on this planet. I have since stopped fighting three years ago, under orders of my therapist and my girlfriend at the time. I replaced that with working out. OK, sounds good right? Well skip forward to now, a back injury later, and a horrible rocky relationship (I am leaving a lot out on purpose), and you get this current problem. I have started to lift weights again to manage the anger as best I can. Still doesn't stop the outbursts or the behaviors that come with it, but at least I can say I'm still fighting. I can partially manage the anger, but I cannot for the life of me manage the binge eating. I have kept alcohol out of the fridge... but I just want to eat and eat and eat. It goes beyond high metabolic rate, I hate feeling so fragmented, empty, alone... I need to lose the weight I gained off of injured binge eating, but it is killing me. I cannot balance this and I need advice. Can anyone out there give me a hand? I would also like to say I have no problem giving past details about me, but I have not quite established the right amount of trust to do so, so I try to keep the details brief. Sorry if that pisses any of you off, I do not care if it does.

I am not p***ed off at you.

I also have bpd.

I care about anyone on here who is struggling and wanting to change.

I am glad you found us.

I don't have advice.

But I relate to a lot of the feelings.

I esp relate to feeling like I p*** ppl off.

thanks for sharing.

Welcome to PC.

If this post makes you feel angry, that's okay. I will just understand. I do hope you give us and yourself a chance.

Carol