Well lately I've begun to come to terms with something. The fact that I'm alone and it's just my boys and me right now. I have gotten to the point where I am kind of unsure whether I even want to look for another relationship at all.

Dont' get me wrong, I like women, I like to be with women, I love all the things that come with being in love and having a romantic relationship. I think about all of the things that come with it and I do yearn for it at times, but then what follows kind of bursts that rose-colored bubble. I think about my actions, my fears, my ability to frequently overreact, smother and just plain not handle the relationship well. I'm left with the thoughts of just how messy relationships are, at least, for me.

Granted, I'm not a closed book in that area, just not sure I'll really actively look for anyone to date anymore. I mean, I know that at some point when I have a better handle on myself and my emotions I'll be more ready to really be the man that a woman deserves to have in her life. Until then, I think I'll focus on myself and my boys and taking care of what is important.

I know that someone could come along and I keep an open mind to something happening someday but I'm no longer in a hurry. I'm not sitting here pining away for someone to be with me all the time. That has passed. I'm glad for it. I have always been a person to be attached to someone and head over heels most of the time with one girl or another so this is totally new to me. I'm actually not worried about it or panicking that I'll be alone for the rest of my life or something.

Sorry to ramble, I just wanted to post this somewhere and this is probably the best place to do so Thanks for listening.

[homeostasis]

I've not had a LTR since 1998.

Then again, that's chiefly by choice. By the end of that mess, knew there were problems I didn't want to contaminate someone I cared about with, until I got them under control. It's still not there... and other behaviors have since crept in that complicate things further...

Don't force things... but don't withdraw too far either. Both can aggravate BPD.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by homeostasis

I've not had a LTR since 1998.

Then again, that's chiefly by choice. By the end of that mess, knew there were problems I didn't want to contaminate someone I cared about with, until I got them under control. It's still not there... and other behaviors have since crept in that complicate things further...

Don't force things... but don't withdraw too far either. Both can aggravate BPD.

i havent been with anyone since 1995.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am also learning how to be here for me before committing to anyone else.

thanks,

Carol

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I am also learning how to be here for me before committing to anyone else.

thanks,

Carol

Now that tonight has happened, I don't know. Fact is I dont' know how to be here for me first.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Now that tonight has happened, I don't know. Fact is I dont' know how to be here for me first.

I think that can be a learning process, and one that we have to work on all the time. I am just now even beginning to learn that, and I think the only reason I am is because I go to 2 group therapy sessions a week, see a counselor once a week, see a psychiatrist once a month, and go to 4 AA meetings a week