I'm so sick of this.. this whatever it is. BPD or whatever you want to call it. I just got through posting things on the positive side of how I'm feeling better, coming to terms with being alone and everything and for the most part its probably true. But then it all comes crashing down and I realize I've been fooled into thinking that at any point I could actually be free from this roller coaster at all.

I won't go into details about why or what is going on that has triggered things tonight. Details really aren't important are they? I mean it happens and it could be a number of things triggering this but in the end the feelings are the same. The overwhelming emotional reaction to something. And then it all comes in like the floodgates have been opened. Fear, anger, sadness, loneliness... all at once.

Sorry this is just a friggin ramble but I had to say something.

FML. I'm sick of it.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I'm sick of my own roller coaster.

Let me off mine! lol

Carol

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

I'm sick of my own roller coaster.

Let me off mine! lol

Carol

It's ridiculous isn't it?

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I'm so sick of this.. this whatever it is. BPD or whatever you want to call it. I just got through posting things on the positive side of how I'm feeling better, coming to terms with being alone and everything and for the most part its probably true. But then it all comes crashing down and I realize I've been fooled into thinking that at any point I could actually be free from this roller coaster at all.

Sorry this is just a friggin ramble but I had to say something.

I feel this way sometimes, often enough. It is part of the BPD, the mood changes that can happen from one minute to the next...It definitely feels as if the positive is overshadowed by the negative, but it's not true...we do have those positive moments...we do get them, even if it's just for a minute.

I think relief is possible (DBT offers some solutions) and I can only hope that my positive moods will last longer each time, this isn't always the case...I will feel like I'm 'getting there' and then one thing will happen and it will feel as if it's all crashing down...but it's not, it's a perception. The reality is is that we were feeling good, and then we weren't...we will feel good again and bad again, good and bad...on and on. Our feelings aren't static , they're fluid.

I think a lot of our problems come from judging our feelings, it's hard to just stay on for the ride, but it seems to bring me some sense of relief and empowerment..I try to accept the bad feelings along with the good. To deny them is to invalidate them and deny what we are: humans with real beating hearts and real pain. It's okay to feel bad, it's okay to vent about it too (so no need to apologize here )

I definitely relate to what you're saying and experience it too. Lately I've found some relief and consolation in getting on that roller coaster with no judgement and no expectation and going for the ride.

Much love.

[LadyShadow]

I'm on the same roller coaster with my bipolar. Let me off please. It's either I'm so low I can't move, or I am flying so high I want to never come down. Make up your mind already please PlatinumHeart!! Story of my life.

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I'm on the same roller coaster with my bipolar. Let me off please. It's either I'm so low I can't move, or I am flying so high I want to never come down. Make up your mind already please PlatinumHeart!! Story of my life.

Yeah I am bipolar too. I know what you mean about being so high you don't want to come down. The only problem is when you do crash...hard.