assorted issues ...

So my roommate bought a house. Closing date is Dec 28th. I am freaking out. She is moving in with her boyfriend and I just feel so alone (of course I am enjoying while she is still home...)

I was chatting with her last night, and she got the call from the realtor. I thought I was going to puke. I guess it comes too from going straight from mom and dad's, to being married, to having a roommate. So all my life, I have never been truly living on my own. I feel like she is totally abandoning me, even though I rationally know she cannot continue a serious relationship/get married and have a roommate there.

I just feel so sad because she has always been there for me, and now I have to be on my own. I really hate being alone, but hate being with someone too, if that makes sense. I about had an anxiety attack last night thinking about all of this. I tried to talk to my friend about it, and he said "It's not Armageddon, chill out." Like he has any right! He doesn't know! He's not the one who might end up with no where to live! (i don't have a lot of friends to get a new roommate either...)

I am just so secretly mad at her for moving in with him! I feel like she is totally ditching me, and I can't afford to live in our house alone, it is too much money. I can't move in with my parents (too many control issues there and don't get me started on the family dynamics)...and the only other option is my ex-h, which, is a weird codependent relationship as it is, even though we are divorced...

I don't know what to do with all these feelings.

Sorry about the rambling. I don't know why I am even posting, it's probably not even worth talking about, and I am probably overreacting as usual.

I don't think you're overreacting. You are facing a lot of unknowns as well as abandonment issues. Between those two things I would be going nuts too.

I don't think moving in with the ex would be the worst thing in the world but you need to set boundries that you can live with. Set the boundries with him if he's willing, on your own if he's not. Spaces that you and he will inhabit, bills you and he will pay, purchase your own food, etc. You don't want to be completely dependant on him; you need to be able to assert your independance as well as the way you act around your children.

Are you looking for living space for just you or your children as well? If it's just you, go to the local college or university and search signs and posts for roommates or rooms to rent. Ask around at your work too or send out an email at your work if it would not be considered against protocol. Someone may have something perfect for you. If you have to move in with the ex, keep looking. Don't make it a permanent solution.

As for the alone...I understand how hard it is to be alone. It can be horrible. Let's see if we can turn it in to something positive. Write a list of hobbies you used to enjoy, things you'd always wanted to get involved in, books you've always wanted to read, etc. Maybe it's time to do some of those things. During the day while you're at work, write a list of activities you're going to do that night. Try to stay busy. If you actually get involved in things you've always wanted to do or accomplish some things during those "lonely" times, you'll feel good about yourself. I know this won't be easy but if you prepare for it ahead of time and look at it in a positive light, maybe you can keep it from being as bad as it can be.

I hope I wasn't out-of-line with any of these suggestions. It's just what came to mind. Best wishes. You can PM me anytime.

I am sorry to hear that you are having something taken away from you. Some security.

I hope you find a way. I feel your fear; I am not sure what's going to happen to me either. And I feel your abandonment issues. The emotions do not always make perfect rational sense; I mean we want to be understanding about things, but often our feelings do kind of happen.

But it doesn't have to feel that way if we know that this is not really happening. Your roommate met someone and fell in love and now she's getting married. And yeah, where does that leave you? Feels like some kind of betrayal.

I don't have any real answers; me and Bruce aren't sure what's going to happen, either. I hope he finds work so he can still afford to share my apt.

It's scary, I know.

And then dealing with your former husband. Wow. I watch a program called "Happily Divorced" starring fran drescher, who is forced to live with her former husband because of economic situations. It is doable.

Keep talking about it and listen to others.

Maybe a solution will happen. maybe you will be lead to something good.

I hope so.

You deserve it.

Carol

Thank you BrokenNBeautiful. I will have to check out that show...I appreciate your understanding and response. I don't feel as crazy as I did yesterday, reading your response. Thank you...

I hope that Bruce can find work too...uncertainty is not easy to deal with...! (if ok)

Aww sweetie, you know it's the right thing for her to do, but i totally get the feeling.
I not what sure on advice but just so you know that I hear for you and your not alone ((hugs)) xxx

I understand the feeling completely. Initially when My wife separated from me, I knew logically it was the right thing to do but at the same time I had every feeling you have, anger, fear of abandonment, sadness... all of it. I'm here to tell you aside from the stress of finding another room mate or place to stay, it'll get better. I say aside from that because that's all dependent on how soon you find another place and/or roommate. I too had never lived on my own and now I am alone, except for my two boys, which is different, they are my kids not a companion or equal adult, you know? But it took time. For me, not super long, and I hope that it gets better for you as fast, if not faster!

I'm sorry I don't have advice, except just take care of you, find things to do, get involved in and before you know it, you'll find that it's getting better!

Thank you both for your replies! I really appreciate them. S4, I understand what you mean about the kids too! I have 2 kids, so it's not like I'm alone alone, but we share custody, so I am 50% alone, I guess, and you are right, it is not adult companionship. Thank you for your encouraging words!

You're welcome, anytime! *hug*