[Stardusted]

For me anyway.

The idea that my husband will abandon me makes me become abusive towards him and I don't know how to stop. Every-time he wants to go see his mom I become very upset. I hate the idea that he is going to leave me and spend time with her. She is getting older and she will be requiring more help from him and therefore he will be spending less time with me. I don't get along with his mom and everytime I see her I have a mini breakdown. So letting him go alone is better than me going with him. I can't even look his mother in her face because I'm so fearful that she will soon take my husband away from me.

Also, my mother who is much younger than his is beginning to act so frail and if I spend too much time talking to her she talks about me selling my house so we can get a mother-daughter house so I can be there to make sure she is OK. My husband has no interest in doing this because my mother is very controling and will ruin my marriage.

Plus, I have an autistic brother who lives in a group home. Mom picks him up once a month to spend the weekend. I've tried to go over there to see them on those weekends but my brother doesn't like me ruining his time. However, my brother wants me to have him over my house for dinner. As long as I'm entertaining him he is happy. It's always been this way with him and mom not only lets him get away with it she encourages it.

My mother-in-law, my mother and my brother will be coming to my house for Christmas. I know having them over for Christmas is the right thing to do which is why I'm doing it. But I'm dreading Christmas. I'm scared I'll be nasty and try to rush them out of the house. I have so much trouble taking care of myself and all of these people will soon need my help. I can't help feeling resentful and overwhelmed and that makes me emotionally abusive. My husband takes care of me and I'm worried the pressure of these people will drive him away or stay but not have any energy for me. All of this resentment and anger prevents me from loving or caring about these people. And when I think about that I feel like a bad person and think about hurting myself but I don't want to hurt myself. Im trying to force myself to care about these people but it's not working.

I don't know what to do.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

That is really tough Stardusted. I wish I had some brilliant advice to help you, but I just do not. I do understand what you are saying though about being angry and ugly toward the person you need to most: your husband.

It does not make sense, but that is what we do. I have done more times that I want to acknowledge.

DBT talks about the "shoulds" and maybe getting rid of some of the judgement in our lives. I sensed from your post that you feel like you "should" have the families over for christmas and so you are, but u really do not want them there. Recognizing that is really good. Maybe next year, you can allow yourself to take care of you for christmas and not have people over that you do not really want there. Just a thought.

Maybe you could talk to your hubby about how you feel and ask him to maybe make a special effort to help you feel more secure in his love. I dunno. I am grasping at straws here really.

Maybe try doing a google search for interpersonal effectiveness and use some of those techniques????

[Stardusted]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

That is really tough Stardusted. I wish I had some brilliant advice to help you, but I just do not. I do understand what you are saying though about being angry and ugly toward the person you need to most: your husband.

It does not make sense, but that is what we do. I have done more times that I want to acknowledge.

DBT talks about the "shoulds" and maybe getting rid of some of the judgement in our lives. I sensed from your post that you feel like you "should" have the families over for christmas and so you are, but u really do not want them there. Recognizing that is really good. Maybe next year, you can allow yourself to take care of you for christmas and not have people over that you do not really want there. Just a thought.

Maybe you could talk to your hubby about how you feel and ask him to maybe make a special effort to help you feel more secure in his love. I dunno. I am grasping at straws here really.

Maybe try doing a google search for interpersonal effectiveness and use some of those techniques????

Those are all good ideas. I feel I need to do Christmas since it's the only time I do have them all over. My mother pressures me to do more dinners but I'm good at getting out of those. I just want a peaceful life.