[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am going to join an alano club (club for people in addiction/alcholism recovery) Because I need a place to hang out where I am not going to be tempted to act out my old behaviors. They are addictive; bpd is like dealing with an addiction, to me, also my love and s*x addiction which is another symptom or conjunction to my bpd.

Also, I have gotten close to a friend that I have not associated with since about 20 years ago, and suddenly we are seeing each other every day. He pretty much shares my spiritual philosophies; we've been getting DEEP with some stuff and a lot of sharing. It's also been having a romantic flavor.

So, I am walking thru some fears now.

I want to run for my life.

I want to just not go to that club today.

I want to just break it off with Sid.

But the alternative is more anxiety, more isolation, more self-destruction.

More bpd bs.

thanks,

Carol

[Atypical_Disaster]

I don't have much advice, but I understand this cycle all too well and I'm sorry you're dealing with this right now.

(((((BrokenNBeautiful)))))

[BrokenNBeautiful]

An update:

I did make the meeting today at the alano club. I did join.

I talked to some ppl there afterward.

I did not run. yay me!

I did not run from Sid, either. I let him come over tonight.

I followed some advice from Women Who Love Too Much, in so many words, Don't run from your love. Tell them what's on your mind. Tell them what you need. Let them reach out, too. Let them love you, too. Oh, that's so new to me! Oh, and, let them talk to you, too.

Oh, man.

I hate bpd.

I love me.

and this group.

Carol