can't stand this anymore

I'm trying not to have a breakdown. I feel like something is going on inside me, and I'm fighting it. I can feel the emptiness and meaninglessness right there on the edge of my thoughts. Why am I even here? why am I even doing this? I am trying so hard to keep it together. None of my friends are available and my girlfriend is going to be upset if I tell her. I smoked a cigarette for the first time in a long time. Does that make things worse? I don't know. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to feel like this...

Hi pastoral-poeta! I don't know what's going on that has you feeling this way, but do you have a therapist helping you with it? Sorry you don't have anyone helping in RL. I hope you are alright.

Hello. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you. I do understand how you feel; I've felt this way many times before. I hope that posting here helps at least a little...there are people here to connect with and sometimes that helps me. It decreases the intensity of the emotions for me a little. Anyway, we're here.

Thanks guys. Even just a little response from the world helps. I feel so disconnected from everything and melancholy about nothing in particular, and I wish I could just get on with my life and do my work. I stood outside today in the woods screaming out why I feel this way. I am perfectly fine in health except for my head and I don't understand why it is that I am like this. I can't seem to think straight and get ahead and do what I need to do now in order not to be stressed out later. I waste my days feeling like crap and and then I hate myself for not getting anywhere.

I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Vent here, get it out, we'll understand and not hold it against you. It's not RL but it beats nothing. Hang on....fighting it directly doesn't always help. Anxiety breeds more anxiety. Go to www.audiodharma.com and try some of the guided meditations. Get on the gaming forum here and play a few games. Anything that might take your mind off of the emptiness. You've got to get in the present and fight it with mindfulness. And remember, as hard as it is, we understand and it always passes. Hang in there.

"stress related depersonalization and derealization"

I know how you feel. The times where I feel like that - I just have to ride it out.... What else can be done? If you find the answer please let me know.

P.s The smoking... yes it does make things worse, so stop again. I gave up smoking 1 year ago... it made me less anxious and relaxed after I stopped. Once I took drag of a smoke after giving up, and then I had my bad conscience on my back... I hate feeling guilt above everything else I feel. No smoking = Less problems.