[pastoral-poeta]

I am sick of being controlled by the undeveloped emotions of a freakin five year old. For some stupid reason I think that other people should value my gifts or my presence. That's some real childish passive-aggressive and stupid behavior when I know I don't do enough or say enough to express my appreciation to the people that try to help me. I act like I should be catered to all the effin time. Then I say crap like "I don't owe anyone," or "isn't what I'm doing enough for you?" or some other bull like that to pity my dumb *****. I have to control myself somehow. I get all hurt about not getting the response I want from other people when I myself know that I act like I would rather die than say a simple "thank you." What the h%&$ is wrong with me!! Seriously I think my ability to control my emotions are undeveloped and I hate myself because I can't seem to shut my mouth sometimes when I get upset, and actually think about what I say and do before I do something that I will regret. I feel like screaming and beating my head against a brick wall. Why can't I just get on with my miserable life and quite involving people in my petty drama. I suck.

[greyclouds]

Firstly you do not suck.

I can relate to this... If I don't feel that my feelings are being validated, I can tantrum.

Are you in therapy at the moment?

[pegasus]

The thing is, if this was a real 5 year old, is that the right approach? It's good you are aware but how about not beating that 5 year old everytime he/she makes a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, reward the 5 year old when he/she does good and forgive those mistakes. That awareness gives you something now to work on and work with. Hugs to ya!

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by pegasus

The thing is, if this was a real 5 year old, is that the right approach? It's good you are aware but how about not beating that 5 year old everytime he/she makes a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, reward the 5 year old when he/she does good and forgive those mistakes. That awareness gives you something now to work on and work with. Hugs to ya!

Wow that is great advice I will try this myself

[pastoral-poeta]

..maybe a five year old could better deal with the things that I can't obviously deal with. I feel like I'm so egocentric sometimes. I know the way I process my emotions is not how everyone deals with theirs. I just don't know how to react sometimes when I feel aggrieved or when somebody undermines my self-pitying attitude. It's a sense of insecurity I guess, about who I am and the insincerity(?) that I act with. I think I can be a manipulative s*** sometimes but I'm not completely aware when I do it until someone blows away my cover. Then I get all hurt and try to make other people sorry for me. I know this about myself but I am not aware of it when I'm acting it out. I must be so ingrained in me, and I don't understand how I came to be that way...

[pastoral-poeta]

When you've lived a life of invalidation, do you find it hard to commend other people in a positive way? Since you were never acknowledged for the good things you did, I would assume you wouldn't know to acknowledge the good deeds of the people. In fact you feel jealous. I sometimes hear myself criticizing people that are close to me, instead of giving positive regard.

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by pastoral-poeta

When you've lived a life of invalidation, do you find it hard to commend other people in a positive way? Since you were never acknowledged for the good things you did, I would assume you wouldn't know to acknowledge the good deeds of the people. In fact you feel jealous. I sometimes hear myself criticizing people that are close to me, instead of giving positive regard.

I can actually relate to that.

[the shizo]

For all who have psychological crises;go do Yoga especially the technique of 'CLEANING THE MIND'.From a personal experience it helped me byond expetation.Please I beseach you,and you'll wonder how man ever discovered it.

You know I care, as always, but can offer very little support or encouraging words at the moment. Hang in there!

[pastoral-poeta]

now feeling worthless as cow dung

[hungryghost]

Ugh.. I'm right there back in kindergarten with you. I've learned to hide some of the more extreme reactions over time, but I'm still very childish emotionally, and being called out on it has always been one of the worst things in my close relationships, because who wants to be called immature and childish!? It feels like an awful insult, whether it's true or not.

At some point I think we have to accept that there is a part of us that is a child in arrested development, acting as one would expect a child to do. I like Pegasus's comment about treating that child kindly and with understanding... with enough of it, maybe they/we will feel safe enough to start growing.