![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
And then when you come down from an entire day of your anger being at a ten you crash into feeling so sad, depressed, and sorry for yourself. Like, why am I like this? Why did I have to be born with this particular brain anatomy and chemistry that was then nurtured in just the right environment to create not just a sensitive person but someone who was pathological enough to be classified as having a personality disorder? And when will the people that I care about more than I care about myself (but treat like absolute crap because my disorder makes living inside my own head such an excruciating hell that I can't help but to take the pain out on everyone around me) finally say that they've had enough and leave me? Just like the dozens before them?
Isn't it funny how we're so terrified of being abandoned but we make it impossible for people to stay with us? I'm so ashamed at how I behave and you'd think this shame would make me act better. But I always know that, tomorrow, there will be something else which will make me afraid to trust someone or make me angry that I dared to open myself up. And all of that anger that I spew is really just pain. The hate is just pain. The manipulation is just pain. Isn't it all just pain? The entire borderline existence feels like having your heart squeezed until it feels like it's going to pop out of your chest. Or like having no emotional skin and being thrown into big tub of lemon juice. And no non-borderline could possibly get it, how it feels to be borderline. They get what it feels like to be on the receiving end and they resent you for it, even if they say they don't. But they have no idea how horrible it is to live inside your head everyday and how ashamed and sorry you constantly feel because you know you're better than this, that you're more than this disorder even while you feel completely overcome by it. Anyway. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. And maybe ranting. I'm just so tired of the endless cycle; I get angry about something. Then I'm sorry. Then I'm ashamed. Then I resolve not to be angry and obnoxious again. The next day comes along, I get angry about something again...and so it goes. I hate this so much. |
![]() AngelWolf3, Anonymous12111009, Anonymous327401, Anonymous48778, IowaFarmGal, Permanent Pajamas, ruby.lestrange, youwillrise
|
![]() AngelWolf3
|
#2
|
||||
|
||||
Hugs (((misskeena)))! I hope tomorrow will be a good day!
__________________
![]() |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
![]() ![]() |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
Thanks. Me too.
|
#5
|
||||
|
||||
"having no emotional skin and being thrown into big tub of lemon juice"... that's a good one.
|
#6
|
|||
|
|||
know those feelings all too well.
sending love. |
![]() Anonymous200104
|
#7
|
||||
|
||||
Been there so many times... Hate it.
![]()
__________________
reaching out for the star that explodes |
![]() Anonymous200104
|
#8
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
Quote:
![]() Quote:
~S4 |
![]() Anonymous200104
|
#9
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
|
#10
|
|||
|
|||
Quote:
I hope things get better for you. |
#11
|
|||
|
|||
This summarizes up my feelings exactly!!!!! <3
|
Reply |
|