Well. I was supposed to go to the Women's Expo downtown with one of my meetup groups today but of course, like I always do, I talked myself out of it. I felt like, meh, I don't know these people super well and I already feel depressed about not having any close friends. Plus the Women's Expo is all about selling you things and I don't have any money. Whatever; it was only $7 to get in and there are all kinds of demos from massage places and food places. There are even wine and cocktail samples. I would have had fun and could have dressed cute, too. I always do that as well: I talk myself out of doing something and then realize I would have had a lot of fun. I suck.

But I'm sitting here wallowing, missing the friend I lost again. It's only been a week since I lost that friendship so I guess it's okay to still be mourning. But I have to get over it. It's just that I don't have anyone else that I can just call up to go to coffee or to lunch/dinner. Or anyone who would go to Detroit Tigers games or to concerts with me. My other close friend has a family. She is really involved in her church, homeschools her kids, and doesn't drink so definitely wouldn't go to the bar to just shoot the breeze with me. All I wanted for my 35th birthday was to go to a Tigers game, and "J" and I were planning on going, we just hadn't finalized tickets yet. Now I have no one to go with, and nothing to do on my birthday. I'm going to be doing the same thing on my 35th that I did on my 30th: working, then coming home alone to do nothing. I always do this too: I help plan things for so many other people for their big days. I can't tell you how many 30th birthday parties I've assisted with. I buy gifts for people for different events or contribute to gifts. But when my special days come around, no one is there. I know we don't give things to get things, it just sucks, you know? I would like people to be there for me, too. I love giving gifts but...I'd like to get gifts too and I'm always on the losing end when it comes to that. People are always gone by the time my birthday comes around. I hope that doesn't sound selfish.

Anyway. Sorry I'm being depressing today.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

This is not selfish. It's human to want something back. I am sorry you have nothing to do on your birthday; that's usually the way mine goes, too. My family is all gone now and I have no real friends I can just call either. Also, I talk myself out of things, too. I was going to go do something today with Ani and then Bruce needed me for something, then he didn't, so today is pretty weird for me. Weekends are always hard for me, too.

Don't leave PC. I am glad you shared and that I was able to read your most recent posts.

I too have been struggling with feeling heard and validated and feeling "depressing".

Your posts only validated my own feelings. I appreciate it. I am glad I could read them today.

You did not depress me; you affirmed my humanity.

thanks,

Carol, fellow person with bpd

[unaluna]

I'll go! If you don't mind going with an older person. I even have a tigers cap. And shorts. Last time I went to a game, a couple of years ago, Placido Polanco almost beaned my cousin wIth a foul ball, it was so cool!! The guy next to her threw his plate of Cheetos up in the air, he was so startled, it was hilarious!! Then he was like, they should at least offer to replace my snacks. We were dying!

Hankster, you live in Michigan?

[unaluna]

Ann Arbor.

Originally Posted by hankster

Ann Arbor.

Grand Rapids.

[unaluna]

How the heck do you go to a tigers game???!!

Originally Posted by hankster

How the heck do you go to a tigers game???!!

Drive. It's only two hours.

[unaluna]

Well if you don't get a date by then, keep me in mind. Who will they be playing?

Okay. They'll be playing the Yankees on Saturday the 6th. Should be a good game. I hate the Yankees.

I don't know which day I was going to go. Either April 6th, 7th, or 9th (which is my actual birthday). I don't know. We'll see. I work all of those days so I need to figure it out soon so I can ask for the day off. I kind of just want to buy a ticket and go alone, but I think I'd feel like a giant loser. Then another part of me just doesn't care. So what? I'm a loser. Big deal. This is my life, better get used to it.

[unaluna]

They usually charge a premium for the Yankees, if you can even get tickets. Not to be a downer. I went once or twice, can't remember, on my own to see the Red Sox. It was awesome! You end up talking to people around you, everybody is pretty nice. I always got seats in the sox section, it was closer to the action, right over their dugout. My t is a HUGE Yankee fan, I might have to go with you just to make him jealous! I mean he would marry Derek jeter if he could.

Originally Posted by hankster

They usually charge a premium for the Yankees, if you can even get tickets. Not to be a downer. I went once or twice, can't remember, on my own to see the Red Sox. It was awesome! You end up talking to people around you, everybody is pretty nice. I always got seats in the sox section, it was closer to the action, right over their dugout. My t is a HUGE Yankee fan, I might have to go with you just to make him jealous! I mean he would marry Derek jeter if he could.

There are tons of tickets available on Stubhub.com. That's where I always get tickets. And yes, they're sort of expensive, around $20-40 for the seats I'm looking at but that's what I always spend. Opening Day tickets are $130; I'm NOT spending that! I was originally trying for Opening Day, but no way.