[beautifulfreak]

Hi all, new to all of this, so just finding my feet. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2010, have been suffering with mental health issues for as long as I can remember. I tried CBT earlier in life and when diagnosed with Borderline I tried DBT… really intensive, unfortunately, did not work for me.

Does anyone else experience this gut-wrenching emotional pain? I feel it so intensely.

I feel so alone and desperate, I have lost many friends because they feel 'I bring them down' and that I should 'pull myself together`. I hate being told to pull myself together… if only it were that easy eh?

I feel like a freak, I really do.

Welcome to the forum. I understand that gut-wrenching emotional pain, and you're not a freak. I hope to see you around.

Welcome. I too understand that kind of pain all too well. I feel it sometimes even when I'm happy. I feel it all the time; I've come to be almost used to feeling it. You're not alone. I also hate it when people think you can just get it together. How would they feel? Pretty sure they wouldn't be able to deal with this.

Welcome to the forum, Yeah I understand the emotional pain too in fact I still feel like a child emotionally, Also I have lost many friends too

(((beautifulfreak))) ...

Yes, I still feel it sometimes and it's quite overwhelming when it comes over me.

I like your name, by the way ...

Hi beautifulfreak


I'm sure you will find many supportive, understanding people here (I sure have). Welcome to our big dysfunctional (yet loving) family.

As far as your question is concerned:
"Does anyone else experience this gut-wrenching emotional pain? I feel it so intensely. "

YES! Definitely...It feels as if nothing could be worse, this is the worst I've ever felt, it's unbearable and I'm stuck this way. I think because we BPDs have a harder time 'integrating' than others, we can't see the impermanence of feelings. It feels as if the pain will never cease, we don't know how to cope or even process it!
What many people don't understand is that we can't just 'knock it off' (I've heard that many times) and every time I get just as annoyed as the last. Perhaps because we've never learned HOW. Either way, I understand beautifulfreak.

I have found distracting is helpful, yet very hard to do at first...try to do an activity if you can. Doesn't have to be particularly productive either: watch tv, read a book, take a walk, take a hot bath, cook some food...anything to distract from the pain. Self-soothing is helpful if you can do it. (sometimes I feel crippled by emotional pain) Some examples of self-soothing include: hugging yourself, holding your teddybear, telling yourself it will be okay, using the sensate to help relax and comfort yourself (light a scented candle, eat an orange and REALLY taste it, feel it, experience it, get in your coziest sweatpants and warmest blanket and curl up in a ball).

It feels as if it wont but this too shall pass. We are here for you.

[Landoflimbo]

Originally Posted by beautifulfreak

Hi all, new to all of this, so just finding my feet. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2010, have been suffering with mental health issues for as long as I can remember. I tried CBT earlier in life and when diagnosed with Borderline I tried DBT… really intensive, unfortunately, did not work for me.

Does anyone else experience this gut-wrenching emotional pain? I feel it so intensely.

I feel so alone and desperate, I have lost many friends because they feel 'I bring them down' and that I should 'pull myself together`. I hate being told to pull myself together… if only it were that easy eh?

I feel like a freak, I really do.

This is one of the things i can relate to the most.. The pain and the feeling of bringing people down, being told to pick myself up.. Its soooo frustrating.

Your are most definitely not alone

[greentires4me]

welcome welcome welcome

I feel all those above feelings equally I cannot understand how we bring people down but its an equal bridge.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Welcome to the forum. I understand that gut-wrenching emotional pain, and you're not a freak. I hope to see you around.

Thank you so much nevergoodenough, cheers for the hug.

[beautifulfreak]

Thank you to everyone who replied to and identified with the intense emotional feelings, that gut-wrenching pain. It is reassuring to know I am not alone.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by Landoflimbo

This is one of the things i can relate to the most.. The pain and the feeling of bringing people down, being told to pick myself up.. Its soooo frustrating.

Your are most definitely not alone

Thank you Landoflimbo. Yes, it is frustrating.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

welcome welcome welcome

I feel all those above feelings equally I cannot understand how we bring people down but its an equal bridge.

I cannot understand why people think we bring them down, can they not just accept us as we are? Thanks again

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by stratocaster

Hi beautifulfreak


I'm sure you will find many supportive, understanding people here (I sure have). Welcome to our big dysfunctional (yet loving) family.

As far as your question is concerned:
"Does anyone else experience this gut-wrenching emotional pain? I feel it so intensely. "

YES! Definitely...It feels as if nothing could be worse, this is the worst I've ever felt, it's unbearable and I'm stuck this way. I think because we BPDs have a harder time 'integrating' than others, we can't see the impermanence of feelings. It feels as if the pain will never cease, we don't know how to cope or even process it!
What many people don't understand is that we can't just 'knock it off' (I've heard that many times) and every time I get just as annoyed as the last. Perhaps because we've never learned HOW. Either way, I understand beautifulfreak.

I have found distracting is helpful, yet very hard to do at first...try to do an activity if you can. Doesn't have to be particularly productive either: watch tv, read a book, take a walk, take a hot bath, cook some food...anything to distract from the pain. Self-soothing is helpful if you can do it. (sometimes I feel crippled by emotional pain) Some examples of self-soothing include: hugging yourself, holding your teddybear, telling yourself it will be okay, using the sensate to help relax and comfort yourself (light a scented candle, eat an orange and REALLY taste it, feel it, experience it, get in your coziest sweatpants and warmest blanket and curl up in a ball).

It feels as if it wont but this too shall pass. We are here for you.

Thank you. Yes, as part of DBT we learned different coping mechanisms such as distraction. I agree, it is extremely difficult. I guess because I felt on the whole that DBT did not work for me, it just makes me feel more of failure. But hey, I guess this forum is a distraction. Even though it is very late here! Thanks

[MissLadyRed]

Welcome beautifulfreak. I hope you find much support and comfort here as I already have in a short while. The pain and intense emotions are something I struggle with too. Sometimes I feel so much pain or hurt I think I can literally feel my body being taken over by it. It becomes a psycial pain. And there is nothing worse than being told to ' get over it'. You've come to a place where we all understand and share that same pain. Nothing has brought me more comfort than reading other peoples experiences on here. For the first time in my whole life, I feel less alone and less abnormal. One thing I hold on to and love about people like ourselves is that our pain makes us beautiful people inside with caring natures, huge empathy, and an understanding for people that most do not have. The beautiful freaks in life are always the most wonderful people and the ones I am honored to know and call friends. Hugs to you.

Originally Posted by MissLadyRed

The pain and intense emotions are something I struggle with too. Sometimes I feel so much pain or hurt I think I can literally feel my body being taken over by it. It becomes a psycial pain. And there is nothing worse than being told to ' get over it'..

I feel the same way. I feel such emotional pain that it turns to physical pain. My heart feels like it's being squeezed and it's almost too intense to bear. I'd do almost anything to make it stop.

[TheRealFDeal]

I can really identify with your description. Is it also because we BPDs are highly sensitive people? I read it described somewhere like having all your skin removed and being put into a vat of lemon juice. I was always told I shouldn't be so sensitive, but that was just telling me something was wrong with me--not helpful! How in the h*** do you stop being sensitive?

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

I read it described somewhere like having all your skin removed and being put into a vat of lemon juice.

Heh. I was like, "That sounds really familiar," and then I realized it was me who said that! Yeah. It does feel like that. That's exactly how I feel today. And I wish I could stop the pain but I've been feeling this way for the entire weekend so it's almost like I'm used to it. Like it's just sitting there next to me on the couch while I'm watching Hulu, and every so often it pokes me really hard in the ribs and I'm like, "Hey, Pain, what do you want? I'm watching TV. Go away," and it does for a little while until it pokes me again.



I know. I'm weird. That's just me.

[TheRealFDeal]

Heh heh. I have a really bad memory, but I should have figured out that I got it from you, Misskeena. You are so good with words. Very descriptive.

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

Heh heh. I have a really bad memory, but I should have figured out that I got it from you, Misskeena. You are so good with words. Very descriptive.

Really? Thanks. I think I just talk too much, and sometimes good words come out.

[hezaa82]

I can really relate to everything you're saying. I get that intense pain all the time and I reach out to people hoping to get some understanding or consoling but they push me away or say I'm pushing them away. That's the worst feeling in the world.

[beautifulfreak]

Thanks everyone…yes Borderline is also referred to as Emotional Vulnerability Disorder…we are most certainly emotionally vulnerable.

So raw, so intense, empty yet full of pain.

Existing is not living…it's just like a mere existence.

I have done CBT, DBT and counselling, nothing seems to work. DBT very new here, well a few years only. It is extremely intense and is seen by some to be the 'Gold Standard' I'm treatment of BPD…so, I felt like such a failure after that intense year of DBT. However, one of the tenets of DBT, that was drummed into us the very first day is…you cannot fail at DBT! I still feel like I failed…I feel what I feel.

I feel extremely raw, cry over almost anything…intense anger and pain, sadness so deep. Hurting inside and out…think I might have described how I feel a bit clearer in my post The Thin Edge of the Wedge. That is how I feel…just tethering on that edge, hanging on by a single strand of hair, wondering if I will keep my footing or just drop over the edge…

Crikey, sorry for that ramble…

I have to have lunch now. Hugs to all…

[beautifulfreak]

Excuse the typo above… I meant in the treatment of