[yellowfrog268]

Just posted under Daily Check in thread about my job frustrations. I won't repeat it here except to say that it has me wondering-Are other people here are highly uncomfortable with ambiguity or grey areas in life? Or am I just too rigid?

I feel safe when I know I have a clear understanding of a situation and what's expected of me (job wise or just socially). I don't like having to make what most people would call "and educated guess" because more often than not, my way of thinking about things doesn't jive with what others are thinking and I wind up looking like an idiot.

Anyone else.

I am paranoid when it comes to making sure I understand and that people understand me. Part of it is probably my teaching background, part of is from feeling ignored or misunderstood many, many times (my husband among others are tired of me asking if they heard me), and part of it comes from not feeling like I understand much of human nature, what motivates people and such. Most people's thought processes seem very foreign to the way I think much of the time. I don't understand, for example, how people can feel something strongly, and 5 minutes later it doesn't bother them any more. If I feel something strongly, it may come and go with the wind sometimes, but the strong feeling will still be there when I think of whatever it is that caused it again. Whenever I assume something, I'm usually wrong so I try not to do that.

[wadingthruemotions]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I am paranoid when it comes to making sure I understand and that people understand me. Part of it is probably my teaching background, part of is from feeling ignored or misunderstood many, many times (my husband among others are tired of me asking if they heard me), and part of it comes from not feeling like I understand much of human nature, what motivates people and such. Most people's thought processes seem very foreign to the way I think much of the time. I don't understand, for example, how people can feel something strongly, and 5 minutes later it doesn't bother them any more. If I feel something strongly, it may come and go with the wind sometimes, but the strong feeling will still be there when I think of whatever it is that caused it again. Whenever I assume something, I'm usually wrong so I try not to do that.

I so relate to this. My husband gets tired of my questions just to make sure I got things right. It has caused many an argument.

I like clear direction. I dislike the you pick, anything is fine or the do it however and we'll go from there. Like NO.

[greentires4me]

I took way too many educated guess in my last job and it always ended me up in trouble...its stupid my educated guess is not everyone elses educated guess...

[Ultra Darkness]

I hate working with people for just that reason. I much prefer working alone, on my own projects, so that I know what's expected.

[Trippin2.0]

Yes! Yes! and Yes!!! Omgeeee YES!
I hate guessing and advertise quite freely that I suck at it so people don't expect me to. I like clear job descriptions, very clear instructions from a-z and clear relationship do's and dont's. I hate it if someone answers with "whichever" or "it doesn't matter" etc.
I thought I was the only one pedantic about clarity

[yellowfrog268]

Seems many of us share in this.

I have a very hard time with a concept known as "group think" or "general consensus". Whenever I come across this in work or social situations I want to scream because it is so frustrating!

[greentires4me]

the group consensus is your not getting what you want...end of story..

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Just posted under Daily Check in thread about my job frustrations. I won't repeat it here except to say that it has me wondering-Are other people here are highly uncomfortable with ambiguity or grey areas in life? Or am I just too rigid?

I feel safe when I know I have a clear understanding of a situation and what's expected of me (job wise or just socially). I don't like having to make what most people would call "and educated guess" because more often than not, my way of thinking about things doesn't jive with what others are thinking and I wind up looking like an idiot.

Anyone else.

I know exactly what you mean! I am the same way. My sister and I have had a lot of issues because of it; besides, she never comes right out and says what she means--she actually expects people to guess and read her mind. Like, one time, she and her husband wanted to drive to Oregon to see some of our family (I live in washington) but they weren't sure if they could afford the gas and were hoping I'd offer to go in with them and help pay for the gas, but my sis didn't just come out and ask me. She just said, "Me and ***** are thinking of going to Oregon to see Mom." Then, later, she got mad at me because I didn't just know that I was "supposed to" jump in and say, "I'll go with you and pay for the gas."

Isn't this all part of the "black and white thinking" that goes along with BPD?

I don't do well with ambiguity either. I need to know what is expected of me, and don't do well with social ambiguity either which makes navigating relationships and making friendships difficult because the social world is one big gray area. And I don't do gray areas well. I just don't understand them. I get nervous and just don't understand what I'm supposed to do.

[shortandcute]

I think so. I have a real hard time second guessing people, or making "educated guesses." If someone doesn't come right out and tell me what they need, then I just don't know. That's the reason I lost a lot of my jobs: because I just didn't "know" what was expected of me without being told.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

this happens to me too.