Socially awkward

So I guess I've known for a while that I'm socially awkward, but I'm becoming more and more painfully aware that I am this way lately, and I don't know what to do about it. I was at work today (or I guess it was yesterday, now) and the nurses I work with went over to talk to the doctor and the PA (they sit at their own little station away from the nurse's station). When the nurses went over there, I was left just kind of sitting on my own. I didn't go over there because a) I didn't feel like I fit into the conversation that they were having b) I still feel like the newbie at work (I've been there since February) and I don't feel like I know everyone well enough to just go and butt into their conversations. c) I didn't have anything to add to the conversation. So I just sat there, awkward and alone, pretending to text on my phone. I'm sure I looked completely dorky and standoffish.

I don't remember having this much trouble in my teens and twenties, but then again I remember feeling more interesting in my teens and twenties. I still had major self esteem issues then, but I think I felt better about myself than I do now. The problems that I have with talking to people are that a) I don't feel worthy of talking to certain people. This is irrational, but it's how I feel and so with some--many--people I just clam right up and cannot find something worth talking about no matter how much I want to, b) I feel like I'm not interesting (I'm not), c) I feel like I have nothing to talk about (I don't). The more I don't talk to people the more b and c will be perpetuated because I won't be spending time with people, and so there will be no input to talk about. So it's really a vicious cycle. I have three friends I spend time with but I sometimes even have trouble talking to them. I have trouble finding things to say. This is odd for me. With people I know I used to be a total chatterbox. I miss being a chatterbox.

I'm afraid that it will only get worse as I get older. I'm afraid I will be an old woman alone with 100 cats, and while I like cats I don't want to be alone, nor do I particularly want 100 of them. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid and I'm lonely. I'm not sure what posting this will do (because I don't really think you guys can help me out of this, to be honest; it's pretty firmly entrenched) except get my fear off my chest a little bit.

(((misskeena)))

I'm sorry that you're feeling socially awkward lately. What has changed (other than your age)? Certainly something is different, other than your new tendency to withdraw from others. Are you battling depression & taking medication to overcome this low mood following you? Seeing a T at all? Have there been any significant changes in your personal world recently?

Sorry about all of my Q's ~ just trying to help you pinpoint the cause, in hopes of finding a solution.

No, nothing has changed. This isn't terribly new; I've been this way for a very long time, it's just been getting worse over the last few years, and I feel like it's gotten even worse since my recent inpatient stay in November or since my most recent episode of increased depression which, since I'm no longer inpatient, should be getting better. Admittedly, I know I'm still probably considered depressed, but I'm far better than I was in November (I will admit to feeling anxious, bored, and apathetic a lot though. A bit of anhedonia going on, here). I have taken meds for years and have seen a T for years as well. The only change, besides the one I just mentioned is the addition of a new medication which is supposed to help the depressive symptoms so I wouldn't think it would make this worse.

Sometimes, anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics don't have the effect that they're supposed to have & they significantly increase the thoughts that they're supposed to be treating. I would recommend talking with your pDoc about your increase in anxiety and depression since ____. While you aren't suicidal, you are still very unhappy. Can some change/s be made with your meds?

See what he/she says. Be sure to mention how you feel that you're becoming more disconnected from others and that doesn't help your depression. Perhaps that's a possible negative effect of this medication.

I wish you the best.

I understand, I'm in the same exact boat. I've always been shy and reserved but I started to really freak out about it 6 months ago and I'm always worrying about not having anything to say, like most of the time I don't have anything to say.. but I think a lot of people are the same, it seems like my friends don't have much to say either. People are just boring, life is boring.

I think some things that may help is reading about interesting subjects (although I'm certain I have a hard time retaining information, maybe you're better at it) or doing something fun and interesting that could make a good story, whether it's a single day event or a hobby.. maybe go to a museum or something and really pay attention to your surroundings. See I KNOW I should do these things but I never do.

Do you know how to join a conversation? For me it's rocket science, I seriously don't get it and every time I try people look at me funny or ignore me, so I figure I must be doing something wrong.

But yeah, I think simply being aware of things can make it a lot worse.. I guess try not to think about it so much? I know that can be hard.

My meds aren't the problem; I've had this issue long before I've been taking the current concoction. Besides, not taking the meds isn't really an option since not taking them seems to land me in the hospital, and my pdoc has already told me that, treatment-wise the next step for me is ECT. She's not going to put me on different meds.

No, I really don't. And I understand everyone is trying to help and that I posted this so I must want help but really...I've either tried all of these things or I just can't do these things. I'm too anxious. Every time I think of joining in on a conversation there is such an overwhelming fear in me that I just...can't. It's both that I don't know how and that I can't. And yeah, I also stumble over and slur my words (when I actually know what to say). I sound like an idiot.

Also...I don't really have things that I'm that interested in to talk about. I don't have hobbies. My friend asked me what I had planned for the summer and I had no answer. I mean, nothing. I know I should go out and do things or should watch movies on Netflix but... I don't want to. I'm not interested. And so then I'm not very interesting. So there is also that. (Anything I want to do I can't do alone anyway...)

I'm just bored and lonely. Sorry, I know that I'm being really negative.

Maybe you should push yourself to do things? I know it can be hard, I have a hard time doing this myself.. just can't seem to find the motivation. Although maybe it'll be easier to start with something small.. I've subscribed to a couple magazines, one being a psychology magazine so it obviously interests me , the articles are interesting and short so that I wont have to set aside a lot of time for reading it. Although I have a hard time remembering to read.. I'm like this with a lot of things. Do you like to read?

I love talking about summer plans, even if I don't have any definite plans, it's still fun to talk about the things I'd like to do.. I just hate winter so much and being confined to the house that I get excited when it start's to get warm out. Spring/summer is sooo liberating and it's nice able to do things outside. Do you like camping or going to the beach? (You're so lucky that you live close Lake Michigan!) Do you like gardening? Bike riding? Playing sports? Street fairs? Amusement parks? Picnics?

What's the point of talking about things if you're not going to do them? I'm not trying to be funny, I really don't get it.

I kind of did that yesterday when my friend asked. I was like, "Yeah, I want to go to a Tigers game and to a Dave Matthews Band concert," but then I didn't really see the point in that conversation because it's like, so? Okay, so I want to do those things but probably won't so... okay. Oh, and no, I don't really like any of the things mentioned, actually (I haven't been to the beach in I don't know how long, don't have a yard to garden, don't own a bike...). You need more than one person to do many of those things and it's usually just me so...yeah.

I guess I just suck. I'm probably not going to get much out of this thread; I'm in too negative a place right now. Thanks for trying to help anyway.

I can't do small talk. Even if I had friends, I don't think I could talk to them easily about anything.

Like, you know how in movies and books girls can talk on the phone for hours? I've never understood how they can do that.

I used to be able to talk for hours on the phone. Now I just don't have anything to say.

I did see a movie tonight that I really liked so I'm trying to make an effort. I saw Silver Linings Playbook. It was so good! I kind of identified with Jennifer Lawrence's character, Tiffany, in some ways and I think she may be borderline, though I don't know if she's supposed to be anything except for "ambiguously messed up." I'll bet if my friend, J, saw the movie he would agree with my identification with that character. He's seen me flip on a dime from calm to crazy while we were out to eat and seen me storm out of restaurants, though I've never gone to the extreme of sweeping all of our food off of the table. I did accidentally knock our drinks over once while I was getting up in a hurry though... oops. I don't do that so much anymore, thankfully.

(Okay, so I guess I did have something to talk about after seeing the movie. I'll try to make more of an effort to see movies, read interesting things, and go places--maybe to meetups--so I have more to say...)

You could talk to people about how you have nothing to talk about.

No but really I don't know. I'm very socially awkward and anxious and I feel the same way. Occasionally I'll be around someone who talks a lot and who I'm comfortable around and then I can at least talk a little bit. Mostly I just ask people questions, get them talking about their life (which is more interesting than mine) and just go from there. I read. So I talk about the books I've read, though most people haven't read them. And if I want to see a movie, or if I saw a movie I really liked, I'll talk about that. In a group of people I'm always sitting by myself, with nothing to say. But one on one isn't so bad. Though it's intimidating. I know this probably wasn't very helpful. Good luck.

I'm not good with asking people about their lives. I start to ask and then I have no follow up. I don't know if that makes sense. It's like I don't know how far to delve into their lives, you know? I feel like I'm prying or that I'm asking too many questions. Or, like, I don't know the appropriate follow up discussion to what they are saying. I have so little to add to what they are saying that the discussion fizzles out pretty quickly. Either that or they are just not that interested in talking to me...they don't talk that much about themselves for me to keep it going that long and typically don't ask me questions about myself in return so...yeah. I don't know.

I guess I'm not as bad as I'm making myself sound. I do okay with the people I'm around the most--my coworkers--and can carry on conversations about things ranging from what they're having for lunch (I talked about my coworker's homemade salsa the other day) to the Tigers to dating. It's just when I feel awkward, I feel really awkward and I can tell that it shows. Like what I was saying in the beginning of this thread, how I was sitting all alone, pretending to text, while everyone was hanging out by the doctor's desk talking. I'm sure that was noticeable.

((((((( misskeena )))))))

Glad I'm not the only one who's socially awkward.

I don't have follow up either.

I've heard of a lot of people pretending to text when they feel awkward. I don't know. Are you depressed? I have AvPD and Clinical Depression so that's why I never have anything to say. That and my life is just uneventful.

Yeah, I'm depressed, though my depression is supposedly managed right now. My life is fairly uneventful as well. There is just no input into my life; not many events coming into my life for me to talk about, so that has some impact on things, I would suppose. Don't get me wrong, I go out some and have somewhat of a social life just...not enough.

Small talk is awful so true. I've found it helpful to just listen--others love to hear themselves talk! Also, it takes the pressure off if you just ask them questions..."So what was the best part of that Dave Matthews concert?"...although I would be thinking "Crowds and Dave Matthew--oh boy--two things I'm not fond of..." yet people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice your self-consciousness

I like talking about things I'd like to do so that I can keep it fresh on my mind and will remember to make plans in the future or can maybe make plans with whomever I'm talking to.. not only that it's kinda fun to fantasize.

This makes sense.

Boy, I was a downer the other day. Sheesh. I don't feel so negative today, though I was pretty anxious earlier. I spent over an hour at the gym, and I feel much better. The Tigers were on so I think that helped me spend more time there. I should go to the gym more often since it helps my mood and alleviates my anxiety. Sometimes it's tough for me to get out the door and go but I always feel better once I do.

How long have you been going to the gym for? I just joined a gym the other day and went once.. I'm going for depression mostly, but would also like to lose 15-20 pounds. Does it help with depression?

Today I've been thinking a lot about my social failures and keep getting mad/panicky and I don't like it.. I was with my boyfriend-ish for about 2 days and being around seems to distract me from negative thinking but I came home today and it's hit me like ton of bricks. : /

I need to lose a lot of pounds. I carry it well, I've been told, but I still need to lose more than 15-20 (though if I lost 25 lbs and that was all, I would be back to my pre-Zoloft weight and that would be okay with me). I've only been going for a few weeks and only a few days out of the week since the days that I work I can't go at all. But I feel like it helps a little bit. Working out supposedly helps with depression but I think you have to go regularly. I know that it helps you feel somewhat better right after you do it since your body releases endorphins and all that.

I've been thinking about my social failures a bit today and it's been upsetting me as well. I went out with my guy friend last night and we had a good time but then I ended up ruining it at the end just by being how I am. Clingy, and then when I got home I sent weird texts talking about how I was anxious and lonely (because I had been drinking and I was feeling anxious and lonely but by then I had no filter). So I made a bad end to what was a good night and now I can't take that back; that's how it always is with me. We have a nice time and then I go and ruin it somehow and I just wish that I could be normal for once when we hang out.

Awe, I'm sorry that you got anxious and lonely, is your friend understanding?

I live alone and don't get out much despite having a reasonable number of friends. I'm always lonely, which I think feeds the anxiety. I don't know how much he understands what I'm going through, but he knows how I am and he doesn't get mad. That's just his personality--not getting mad at my s---. The only problem is that how I behave impacts the things we may do in the future. Like, we've been talking about going to a Tigers game and if I can't keep it together after hanging out for a few hours that may influence his decision on whether or not he wants to spend and entire day (you know, including driving for two hours to and from Detroit and all) with me. But we'll still hang out with each other, just maybe not doing things on the other side of the state where we may even stay over night somewhere. Not that I, personally, stay over for Tigers games but we've talked about going to concerts at DTE and for that I'd probably stay over.

Anyway.

Maybe you could find something else to do when you're feeling anxious and lonely instead of texting? maybe come on here or take a bath.. keep yourself busy for a while and maybe you wont have as strong of an urge to text him. I get the same way when I'm drunk though.. I HAVE to be around someone and sometimes I'll hook up with people, it's bad, although I've learned to control myself better.