[Hi, my name is Amy]

Hi,

I was told that I may have Borderline Personality Disorder last summer, after being admitted to the psychiatric ward for having a veiled, or not so veiled, death wish.

I really think that the disorder sounds a lot like me, but I have been in a "stable relationship" for 6 years, I have held the same job for 6 years, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs. Although, I frequently think that doing drugs will kill the "pain" and have considered doing them for that reason. For all of the previous reasons, my friends keep telling me that I don't have BPD, and my wife cant seem to make up her mind. I feel that when we are in the company of our friends, she remarks that I don't have it, but when in the privacy of our own home, eh, I show traits of having it.

My psychologist says that I meet all of the diagnostic criteria for BPD, but she wont diagnose me. She told me that she sees me as having a blend of Paranoid Personality Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder with psychotic features, Depression, Bulemia, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I feel like she hasn't really helped me in our therapy sessions. I feel like she doesn't know what she's doing, or perhaps she doesn't care enough to do her job. i feel like I don't know whats going on with me. I can feel fine for weeks, and then snap. Consequently, I stopped taking all medications in February, 2013, and stopped seeing a doctor in March. Now, I am in trouble.

A few weeks ago, I met a friend of my wife. She's HOT, to put it mildly. I want her AND my wife. My wife and I have recently decided to pursue a polyamorous relationship, and I honestly believe that if she didn't agree to this I would destroy myself, or our marriage by committing adultery. Having these feelings has driven me kinda crazy over the weeks. I've only known "her" for three weeks, but something clicked. Now I am afraid of numerous things, I am terrified of rejection, and I feel very inadequate. I know that if she rejects us, I won't be able to be friends with her, and I can't allow my wife to be friends with her either. My feelings will transform to feelings of hate, anger and resentment, all very quickly.

I was thinking about my feelings yesterday, and I realize that I feel extremes, mostly. For example, I feel intense like and sexual desire, intense anger and hate, or I feel nothing at all. Mostly, I feel nothing for people. Other times I become extremely attached and sexually frustrated, and then when I am rejected my feelings turn to hate, anger, resentment.

I'm gonna end here, my brain is getting overloaded... but trust that there is so much more to say...

Signing off,
Amy

[Hi, my name is Amy]

any thoughts?

[turquoise4]

HI Amy, I can relate to being confused regarding the bpd diagnosis. Even among the professionals, some say I have it others say I have traits of it but not the full diagnosis. All I know is I experience a lot of pain on a daily basis. I also can hold down a steady job and to most people seem pretty stable so I question how I can really have this disorder even though so much of it sounds like me.

[yellowfrog268]

Similar story here. Although I meet most of the diagnostic criteria, I have stable relationships (married for two years been together for about six years). I don't crave other peoples love, attention, or approval. Heck, most days I prefer to hide and when I do socialize, it's usually on a very superficial level unless I know you well.

Sounds like you could benefit from a second opinion. I've heard from many here that blended personality disorders are not all that rare. I wish you luck in getting to the bottom of what's troubling you. Maybe now with the new DSM diagnosing will be easier.