[salsharia]

First of all, I disappeared because I have been doing well the last three weeks. For that I feel very selfish for not hanging in here and supporting the rest of you. I am sorry. I began thinking I didn't belong and maybe my mood swings were because of depression. I was reminded today or the burning awful feeling of not being able to escape a bad emotion and sinking deeper into it and then realized that something IS wrong with me, very wrong and I don't want to feel like this again but this is very much a part of me that I have to learn to deal with so I DO belong here and this time I will stay so that when I am feeling good I can offer more support.

[Travelinglady]

I understand.

It's natural to be selfish. You need to be selfish and take care of yourself before anything else. Welcome back, though.

[salsharia]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

It's natural to be selfish. You need to be selfish and take care of yourself before anything else. Welcome back, though.

Thanks! A real struggle for me. Knowing when to be selfish and not "being" a selfish person. I can't tell the difference most of the time.

[Ithilanar]

I know the feeling when you start telling yourself nothing's really wrong with you and you were probably just exaggerating. You shouldn't feel bad for not being here when you feel stronger. It's also a good thing to take care of yourself and just enjoy the happiness you feel even if it's for a short while.

[Ultra Darkness]

I know that feeling also. Heck, I was that way less than a week ago!

Originally Posted by salsharia

Thanks! A real struggle for me. Knowing when to be selfish and not "being" a selfish person. I can't tell the difference most of the time.

I know this is splitting hairs but being selfish and doing what you need to do for yourself are not one and the same thing. Being selfish is placing your needs above others, when it's not necessary to do so but for your own self-serving reasons and doing so in spite of others. That's a whole different thing.

[salsharia]

Thank you I still believe that one day it will remain permanent. I often convince myself that I am holding onto happiness so desperately that I am creating this whole thing. If I could just release and allow my emotions to occur naturally and accept what comes, then everything would even out and sadness would be manageable. But on bad days (every time I return to this forum), I feel like I have lost control. It is too much to handle the "passing through" of emotions and lately it feels like my moods are fluctuating more severely and picking up speed.

It is good to enjoy the happiness, while not desperately clinging on.

Originally Posted by Ithilanar

I know the feeling when you start telling yourself nothing's really wrong with you and you were probably just exaggerating. You shouldn't feel bad for not being here when you feel stronger. It's also a good thing to take care of yourself and just enjoy the happiness you feel even if it's for a short while.

[salsharia]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I know this is splitting hairs but being selfish and doing what you need to do for yourself are not one and the same thing. Being selfish is placing your needs above others, when it's not necessary to do so but for your own self-serving reasons and doing so in spite of others. That's a whole different thing.

Thanks for defining this. I guess as long as I am not being selfish while doing what I need to do for myself.

*hugs* I hope you feel better soon and keep coming here to be supported!