fighting panic

Ok anxiety is mildly bothering me now.

So my ex has been living with a dude who apparently has turned out to be abusive and mean to her, let alone kind of an all around loser anyway. So she called me to rant about it telling me she's done with him and is leaving for MD (We are in NC right now) Well she hasn't seen the boys and I've been with them exclusively for over a year. I'd already planned on them visiting her where she is now but she mentioned having them over the summer.

First thing I panicked about her (this was yesterday) pulling some kind of crap and trying not to let them come back. (I still have the fear that she won't want to let them come back but it's mostly irrational, this is their home and she acknowledges that she needs to get her act together right now) Anyway we talked and I felt a little better. She then said she wasn't leaving yet... then something blew up again and she called me to rant again about her bf. (why me? I'm not your SO technically anymore) Well I calmed her down and let her know nothing regarding the kids to worry about that I would never keep them from her. Anyway.. so we talked about it and she was to let me know.. when she figured it out.

She's leaving Tuesday and said she wants them to come up in a couple weeks.. I said to wait til the 28th for the youngest to be out of school first and she agreed. Well I hope to have them back by the 12th of august (my bday) and she said "I'll do my best" that threw me. "do your best?!"

So anyway.. There's still the twinge of fear that I'll lose my boys or something. After all I've done this past year or so.. taking care of them, working with the schools... feeding, clothing, sheltering them and everything I just dont' want to lose that D: ya know? But where she is going I know is not ideal for them, living with her, their adult brother, their grandpa... just not ideal. I think they will get bored fast there too but anyway.

So I told my boys the other night that their mom would be likelly moving and she wanted them up there.. without fishing.. for the summer and they both got this look on their faces... I asked "You don't wnat to move there huh." They both adamantly said no... which made me feel good but I let them know it was just for a visit and for the summer not permanently.. the youngest just said "Oh!' like ok.. Glad they are happy with being where we are!

Anyway... so that's just the beginning. for several weeks I will be really alone and I'm not not not looking forward to it. I know it will be ok but at the same time I dont' sleep well when I am alone. Its weird... I don't like an empty house/room/place. ITS GONNA SUCK BIG TIME.

I think it will all be fine in the end, but still.. there is that anxiety. I don't need anything throwing a wrench in the good stuff happening. So I gotta get ahold of myself before it blows up emotionally on me. :/

Just ranting, thanks for listening.

I think I'd be bordering on panic right about now.

So it sounds like there are no formal court-ordered arrangements on who has the kids when? It sounds a little too casual for my liking ("I'll do my best" and "mentioned having them over the summer.") Not that I have kids. I feel a need to mention that since people often assume someone my age has had them.

"I'll do my best" would have caused me to panic too. Not to add to your panic, but my very good male friend just went through this. The ex said she needed to move, and so she did, and then wanted a visit and then never brought their son back. No formal arrangement and now being out of province... not good.
NOT to make you feel worse, but just so you know i think that your feelings are quite appropriate and that your panic is completely normal.

Well just to clarify, AT the very worst she could try to pull something but even if she did, the cards are in my hand. Fact is this has been their home for several years and she did leave them with me for a year without so much as coming to see them but once or twice. Not only that, I have the means to support them better than she does. That's worst case scenario though.

Although we dont' get along, she's been kind of irresponsible of late and has been kind of a slacker in her own life for the past year, she's not a terrible person overall or a bad mother. She knows they are good here with me and I'm taking good care of them. She also said in relation to my fear, she doesn't want to take them and put them in Baltimore schools anyway (not great schools). I'm very sure that this is all just fear in me of losing the boys. If she was the type to try and take them, and really do something like that, she would have already started that stuff.

I think I'm ok and yes the "i'll do my best" threw me, justifiably so knowing how I think the worst initially but I'm sure it will be clear before they go in 3 weeks what she meant and I hope to have their trip set up for the route home soon after they go up there.

Thank you for your support! I appreciate your understanding and words. I know there are some really bad nightmares over child custody out there and you all have good reason to say what you did.

It'll be ok though.

Okay good
Here the rules are kind of.. if there is no paper it doesn't matter. The parent can leave with children even if he/she has not seen them in years. The police can't bring them back until a paper states where the children belong. We are far too polite in Canada perhaps!
*grins*

Well like I said she probably could pull something but it's not like were total enemies or anything. I've been helping her in her situation over this time and there a level of respect between us.

Respect is a fantastic common ground. Such a hard thing to have with an ex sometimes, but so important when there are kids involved.

Well I was texting with her yesterday. She was leaving for MD a the time. anyway in the midst of it, I mentioned that I'm "still a bit freaky" about the boys going up there with her.

She was like "why?". I explained again, that I'm a bit paranoid and she just frankly said "Well stop it, I'm not taking the kids from you."