[dldbattig]

So here I am....at a huge fork in the road... I have to choose whether or not to try to keep my family.
On one hand if they stay I get to see my kids everyday and have that, but I know that I am just starting the DBT therapy and I don't know how quickly or how much effort I will put into this.
On the other hand if I let them go. I know that I won't hurt them anymore and they will have a chance at a better life than what I will be able to give them now. I will miss them though terribly.

Today when I lied to my family again and that was the last straw... I didn't know what to do. I thought this was just like before where they would complain but nothing would happen. They were just trying to push me. That's what I thought. Now though they are buying tickets back to Japan and I don't know what to do. There are so many things that I want to do but I don't know what to pick. I can sing in the airport and confess and swear that I will be different, or I can tell them that I agree. That I can't tell them things will be better soon and that they need to protect themselves.

I love my family, but I keep hurting them with my lies and my horrible ways. I don't know what the right thing to do is and I need help. I have put my family through six years of hell and for some stupid reason I thought that I could keep doing it.
Now I don't know what I am feeling, my insides are turning inside out and I don't know what to do or if I am making this decision correctly. Please help and give me advice. Even if it's just telling me that I am stupid.

[gypsylady3200]

I would say to get your head straight first and then "be there" for your family. If you are hurting them, then is it good for you to be around them? You need to get help for yourself so that you can be the parent you want to be. I think you should be totally honest with them and let them know you are starting therapy. That way they will understand that it's not their fault, it's just that you need help right now. Love yourself and them enough to get well. Big hug!!

I don't think that you should do anything to take yourself away from your kids. No matter what the problems are, they are your kids. Thing is though, I also don't think you should go out of your way to manipulate or beg them to stay whether it would work or not. On the one hand I feel staying involved in their lives is very important and not separating as much as it is in your control but do let them go if they need the space. both things are right. Thing is, if that's their choice, leave the ball in their court and use the situation to make things better going forward. Life is not a static thing and if/when they leave it does not have to mean the end. Use it to work on you and do what you have to to improve your own behavior. it will work out in the end if you do everything you can do do this. Being apart from them can be a good thing - as a person with bpd, finding yourself (at least in my own life) is best done on your own.