[AnnaBegins]

I'm so tired of my stupid brain and it's stupid tendency to obsess on things!!

I saw an old "friend" this morning - been actively trying to avoid him for days and was successful until I tried to do a good thing for myself this morning and get some exercise before heading in the work on my day off. As usual, he ended the brief encounter by saying he'd call me. Yeah. Right. His track record in that regard is as lousy as my perception of self.

But of course my stupid brain latched on to that as a source of hope. Maybe this time, things will be different. Maybe I'll actually get that phone call. Maybe I've finally proven to him that I can in fact be a good person and he'll want to be friends with me for real. And so on and so on...

And now I'm at work and obsessing about it, and getting no work done, and hating myself for it and for wanting this call that is never coming so badly. I wish there was an off switch in my head...I'd rather be numb than sitting here in tears over a stupid phone call. At least I could get some work done...

I really hate being me...

[greentires4me]

so sorry that your obessing about it maybe writing it down and leaving it for later might help you get some work done.

[frippet]

Sorry to hear that... it helps me if I play a game with myself and see how long I can hold out before I check, the phone, e-mail, snail mail, etc..then I write down how long I lasted. Then I do that again. I know I am now focusing on the time/ clock, instead, but I find that I am less anxious as the feelings associated with what I was waiting for are pushed a little to the background. Hugs