[ThisWayOut]

I fight against this diagnosis like there's no tomorrow, but I find myself mired in it at the moment. The push/pull is crazy right now, and my T is getting the brunt of it. I think he may want to kill me right now. One minute I am clinging to him like he is my only hope, and the next I'm mad at him and wanting to run away. I hate it, but I can't seem to keep it under wraps no matter how hard I try.
It was all triggered by a series of upcoming losses: the realization that he is just an intern and will be leaving soon (luckily, it happens to the the end of the summer); the group therapist for the drop-in group is leaving to do her own thing in 2 weeks; and I'm pretty sure our marriage therapist will also be leaving in August... I don't do well with goodbyes and losses. I don't do well with having to trust a new person all over again. It has me freaking out. (that, and I am getting some major hints from the above mentioned people, that my wife should leave me because I will end up killing myself anyway, so she should cut her losses - well, gee, thanks).
I's freaking out, so it ends up looking like a hot mess to the one person I have actually trusted with more of myself lately... I should know how to deal with all this, but I just can't seem to figure it out. It's frustrating.

[Ithilanar]

I understand why that would be really overwhelming. It's all happening at once, and we have a tendency to be at constant look-out for abandonments, especially to foresee them and possibly run from them before they hurt us. So in your mind it can nearly feel like some great conspiracy, I know that's at least how I often feel. Like everyone's out to get me and I'm cursed, even though I know that's irrational.
I really hope they are not hinting at that about your wife or you really don't need to mourn the loss of them. I guess all you can do for now is just hang on until you get your new therapists and you get some stability again. Just look at it as moments of ups and downs and you just need to hold on till you get up on your feet again.

[ThisWayOut]

thanks. I am trying to take it moment by moment. it's really tough.
My wife and I talked about what the therapists have been asking/saying in terms of our relationship. We both agree this marriage is something we want to keep working on. She is just as frustrated by their lack of hope and push to break us apart. I understand they are looking out for her best interests, but it still sucks. At least she hasn't given up on me yet. I know if I keep falling apart like this, she will likely hit a wall, but right now, we are sticking it out.

[Ithilanar]

I definitely think that if your wife and you are determined to stay together and that your wife really wants to be there for you and make things work, the therapists really ought to respect that. If she can take it, that is her choice. It may have been different for them, because we are all different and have different levels and boundaries. They should keep that in mind instead of projecting themselves onto her. Instead they should offer help and guidance in how best to make things work and provide some coping mechanisms. Saying that people ought to abandon you is definitely no solution and no help to 'cure' you of your abandonment angst. I know that I would have taken such a hint very personally myself.