sexuality and feeling

Is this normal for people with BPD to not be able to experience feelings of love when having sex. I have sex with my boyfriend but eyes closed without looking at him and it's a turn off for me when it's romantic and he kisses me and tells me he loves me. I cannot do so. I'd prefer there were no feelings involved and just plain sex. Is this characteristic of borderline personality ?Am I normal ?

I don't know, I can only tell you my experience and that is that I don't even have a libido to speak of. I've tried to date simply because I think it's what I should be doing at my age, but I have absolutely zero desire for sex. It might be because of my meds, and it may be because of the BPD, I don't know. I've not always felt this way, but I do now, and there's not much I can do to force myself not to feel this way.

1) i think it depends on whether or not the person is on meds. Diff meds have different effects on libido
2)it depends on what 'normal' is to you. People without any mental illness at all still have varying desires, turn ons etc.

For me, if a gentle man is saying "I love you".. kiss kiss, hug hug i personally would find it a turn off. if he had his hands in my hair and nibbled me a bit or exuded some other 'strong' physical force and said those same words, then i'd find it a turn on.

I tend to gravitate more toward a dominant male aspect i think because it helps me feel as though i am more emotionally regulated/stable. When i hear someone proclaiming those emotions to me as though they NEED me and are dependant on me, its kind of a freak out for me because i feel to broken to bear that responsibility.

During sex i would rather that my brain just shuts off and that it become a more physically responsive scene than intellectually. (NO idea if that makes sense)

Pyschgirl.......I pretty much feel the same. Sex isn't a "loving" thing to me it's enjoyable but I don't like the love part mixed with it. I don't believe it's making love...love is hugs and cuddles but sex isn't is that how you feel too?

For me, love and sex are not connected. I gave up on sex. don't want it in my life in any shape/form. I would disassociate during sex all the time. I know where it stems from. But I am not sure it is "characteristic of a borderline"? As for being normal... there is no normal. Only do what you feel comfortable with....nothing to please another.
Have you told your bf about how you feel when he talks like that?

Wow I feel the same exact way.. Im so in love with my boyfriend hes so sweet. However, for some reason I dont enjoy the lovey dovey stuff. It turns me off. When we have sex I can barely look at him I dont feel love or any connection really I just enjoy the act

Love and sex use to be not connected at all for me. After acknoweldging trauma and trusting my husband, they are very connected! I am no longer a "performer" or a "**** partner," but rather it is my lover and I exploring each others bodies. I use to totally dissociate during sex. I swear. My husband, through the past many years, has shown me he is safe, he will never pressure me, and he is in it more for me than him. Even two years ago I never ever thought I could be in this place! I use to cringe when I saw people kissing. If you have a history of sexual abuse/gender discrimination/etc., have you been able to thoroughly address it? I suspect things will be out of whack until you are able to heal.

I definitely think it can be a borderline thing. I think to you perhaps that sort of intimacy is just too frightening and you can't accept the love part, because you don't want to lose your heart and get hurt. I think a lot of borderlines feel that way. It is easier to turn off your emotions and just have sex and feel nothing, but as soon as love and caring are involved your whole core identity is on the line.

I thought this was just be being weird!

Love and sex are two completely seperate realms for me. I feel like a robot sometimes. I do enjoy it, libido is sky high and it dominates my mind alot of the time. But no emotional attatchment whatsoever.

Hi guys sorry not been on here for a while but I totally relate to this.

For example my ex who treated my like rubbish. I used sex to make a connection.
I felt needed when I had sex with him.

Now my current boyfriend who loves me. Wants to hug an kiss me constantly. Who I feel needs me more then I need him. And is just an amazing guy. I couldn't be bothered about sex. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It's just I don't have any feelings for it.

I think this is a BPD thing. We need to be loved. But when love we don't know how to respond.

My boyfriend says he loves me. And I say it back but I don't know if it's real or not. But if life has taught me anything. It's better to be loved then in love!!

Sorry rambled on about other stuff here.

Holy crap. So happy to see I'm not alone! I love my husband, but I am NOT into emotional sex. Hell, I don't even like foreplay. I'm a "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kinda gal. I love sex, just not the mushy cuddles and feels that some people like (aka my husband). Strike while the iron's hot then move on, haha. Never thought of it being related to BPD. But interesting concept.

There is an interesting point in this.. 'Used sex to make a connection.'
If we feel that this person already is connected to us we don't feel this same draw or pull? It's in the absence of other manifestations of affection or love that the desire for sex is there? I don't know... but your comment made me wonder about it.

I have the opposite feeling. If sex isn't loving and romantic, it doesn't do too much for me. I think it's because I need affirmation that my partner isn't just using me for sex.

Well I guess what I meant is I could fulfill him pleasurably then he wouldn't stray else where and that he would fall in love with me.
The truth is... This man was never gonna give me the love I needed and was always going to be a rat and sleep with other girls.

I used sex as my weapon... I guess it being having no self worth. It's hard to believe sometimes that someone would want you just on your personality.

I believed in this man loved me I would have won. I would have found a meaning to me!!
I would have been cut above the rest cos this man was in capable of being in a committed relationship.
But I always knew deep down that I would never win cos I had found a losing battle.

Just like pretty much all of my relationships.
Someone once said that maybe my problem was fear of being in a relationship. I'm not sure if it's true. As I want to be in one. But they don't love me I love them more. They love me and I couldn't care less!!

Is this BPD?? I'm not sure but I'm going to blame it any way.