[itsmeleyreagain]

Do you tend to feel like you are many people at the same time?
Have you ever wondered if you had DID?
Is it very common for BPD to have DID symptoms?
Do you tend to feel like sometimes you are taken for another personality, like I have done right now? When I have to begin talking about my problems today?

It scares me. I am a person, Leyre. But sometimes I start being another person, and I realice what I do, well, sometimes, only partially. It's not like I had no control of myself but it's something like that. And then sometimes I shift, and I find myself saying: what? everything i was doing seems meaningless because i have came back to myself. i discovered there are times in which i am myself and times in which i am not myself. today i don't feel quite myself. and i am so terrified by the fact i could have DID. I try to tell myself many things, but yesterday I was thinking and I think the possibility really really scares me.

Today I feel away from myself. Like I was okay but I was lying, although not so hurtful as many other days. I also have had the sensation many other times that I spend my whole life acting for others. I hate going out with people, or that's what people would extract from my behaviour, although really there's something thick I can't explain going on with that, and it has to do with my dissociative episodes and my sensation that I'm losing myself when I go somewhere I don't want or something like that. I was diagnosed once with BPD but I didn't buy it. Maybe I have to buy it much more.

Maybe they were true when they diagnosed me that. But I don't have many of the criteria, and it sounds like ********, if you can see past my words. I think I have a problema of identity, my many identities, today I talk and I don't feelgood and I don't sound like myself, and I haven't even tried suicide, which is something very common for BPD people. I have thought of suicide since I was really Young, almost committed at age 14, and these days I felt suicidal again, but it has nothing to do with BPD, but with the fact that I have mental issues since that age.
I don't have the uncontrolled life many people with BPD. A psychiatrist of mine told me once I couldn't be BPD because BPD people are often delincuents and people in jail with problems with the law and I was not. Well, not until that year. I have done things that are delictive, but i think that psychiatrist was a douchebag and she mistreated me much, didn't care as much for my well-being as she cared for keeping me in control and shut up about anything.
And sometimes, when I'm this another person, i can't feel my emotions or explain them any well, that's why my diagnosis is so hard to do and i feel i have been misdiagnosed most of my life. it's, simply, not being me. goodbye.

[itsmeleyreagain]

Sorry, I didn't mean that.

[Altinak]

I have begun to wonder this myself. I think there is some sort of connection between DID and BPD, but in borderline it's more so a case of alter ego's rather than full blown personality changes, and the affects that come along with DID.

I know myself, that I can completely change vibration in my being, and become total childlike or psychotic. It's very indepth and hard to describe but it is protection. I think because we have no core sense of self, it makes all these personality sub-types we've subconciously created, become a lot more easy to access.

I hope this helped a little but, I didnt want to overload you.

Being Borderline means not really understanding yourself. In my experience, it reminds me of being a kid. Like, when I met someone who I thought was cool (I still kinda do this) I start acting like them. You know, emulating them. It's perfectly normal, and extremely common. You're not alone in that at all. In fact Borderlines ARE NOT THE ONLY ones who do not understand their identities. Plenty of people with unrelated issues struggle with it too. I am one of those people.