[ReddSN]

Long story short, I'm suffering from depression which I have been told brings out my borderline traits (that I guess otherwise I can hide or deal with? Idk.)

Today my last friend told me she had enough of me and left. I can look at the relationship and see she was not the best friend (always jilted me for her girlfriend, didn't matter if she made plans with me, if her girlfriend wanted to do something she'd cancel with me and couldn't understand why that bothered me) she said I always over reacted to that, and maybe I did? Maybe it was all from the BPD, and really it is normal to be treated like that? I don't know.

It was not a healthy relationship. I know this. But it hurts so bad to lose it, I can't even think straight. I'm already suffering from depression, this is just fueling it. More people hate me. I'm more worthless. I can't have anything good. My life is a horrible mess. I'm a horrible mess.

I don't even know what I'm asking here. I'm just feeling lost and hurt and scared of how I feel and I don't know how to deal with it and I just want it to stop. how do I get it to stop? Please make it stop.

No it is not normal to be treated that way at all. Forgive yourself, for feeling down about being "dumped" by a friend and being blamed for her leaving. TBH it was her choice and from what you've said she did her share in making the relationship unhealthy. She put you in second place by changing plans with you so often for her other friend. Anyone is going to feel the sting of that whether they have bpd or not. Her saying you overreacted, well I can't say for sure but I do know part of that is her pride, hiding the fact she did not want to face up to the fact she wronged you at all so she deflected onto you and redirected the focus on your reaction rather than what you were upset ABOUT.

Nothing in what has happened has pointed to you being worthless, horrible, a bad friend or any of the plethora of things you can think of to defeat yourself. I'm sure you did some part in the whole relationship problem but there is no way it is because of your worth. Trust me on that.

We BPD people take too much of the blame and we don't question it. We need to. We need to look at the fact that we have only part of the responsibility for making a relationship work. The friend, lover or family member has theirs too and the tendency is to pass it all off on the bpd, because we're easy targets.

Don't let yourself be. She sounds like she was a sh*ty friend.

*another note* also it's normal to feel bad when you feel abandoned, even without the bpd, you're gonna be depressed, that's perfectly normal. I'd question your heart ifyou felt nothing.

[angustios101]

OMG I can totally relate to what you are going through right now. I had two friends who I thought were my best friends dump me, one because I was too "needy" and the other because she couldn't "handle" me anymore. It hurts, a a lot, I know and you get filled with so much anger at yourself for why you drove someone away again. And then you wonder how someone else could do that to their friend, just cut them off like that? It totally blindsided me both times it happened but I guess, at least with one friend, I was better off without her.

But really, over the long term, it does even out even though right now it feels awful like it won't end. Do something nice for yourself. If you like animals, go volunteer with animals. Take a break from people. Go to the movies and watch three straight in the theater...IDK just do something not to ruminate on this because that's what really drove me downhill was replaying in my mind over and over again what I could have done differently. I feel for you, hugs.

[angustios101]

oh yeah and one thing that helped me was dunking my face in ice water and holding my breath for as long as I could. That makes the thoughts and depression stop for a bit or at least gives your brain a chance to think about something totally different.

[ReddSN]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

No it is not normal to be treated that way at all. Forgive yourself, for feeling down about being "dumped" by a friend and being blamed for her leaving. TBH it was her choice and from what you've said she did her share in making the relationship unhealthy. She put you in second place by changing plans with you so often for her other friend. Anyone is going to feel the sting of that whether they have bpd or not. Her saying you overreacted, well I can't say for sure but I do know part of that is her pride, hiding the fact she did not want to face up to the fact she wronged you at all so she deflected onto you and redirected the focus on your reaction rather than what you were upset ABOUT.

Nothing in what has happened has pointed to you being worthless, horrible, a bad friend or any of the plethora of things you can think of to defeat yourself. I'm sure you did some part in the whole relationship problem but there is no way it is because of your worth. Trust me on that.

We BPD people take too much of the blame and we don't question it. We need to. We need to look at the fact that we have only part of the responsibility for making a relationship work. The friend, lover or family member has theirs too and the tendency is to pass it all off on the bpd, because we're easy targets.

Don't let yourself be. She sounds like she was a sh*ty friend.

Thank you. I really needed to hear some of that. Especially the part about deflecting the blame. I thought that, but then discounted it, that it must be me. Maybe I was thinking rationally if someone else thought that too.

Originally Posted by angustios101

OMG I can totally relate to what you are going through right now. I had two friends who I thought were my best friends dump me, one because I was too "needy" and the other because she couldn't "handle" me anymore. It hurts, a a lot, I know and you get filled with so much anger at yourself for why you drove someone away again. And then you wonder how someone else could do that to their friend, just cut them off like that? It totally blindsided me both times it happened but I guess, at least with one friend, I was better off without her.

But really, over the long term, it does even out even though right now it feels awful like it won't end. Do something nice for yourself. If you like animals, go volunteer with animals. Take a break from people. Go to the movies and watch three straight in the theater...IDK just do something not to ruminate on this because that's what really drove me downhill was replaying in my mind over and over again what I could have done differently. I feel for you, hugs.

Yes, that first paragraph is my situation and feelings exactly. As for the other, well, I'd love to go out and do things to get my mind off it like the theatre, but I also have major job issues in my life right now. No funds for fun stuff like movies, I'm pretty much stuck at home with my thoughts all the time. As for people - people help me. I am very social. I need people. So when I lose them...its a double whammy.