paranoid

I have a lot of disorders and I'm assuming this problem comes from bpd. I have the irrational thought that something is going to happen to my significant other. I feel that I need him to be home so he can be safe and I don't want anything to happen to him. I cry thinking about it and I get over emotional. I'm scared because he's the first person in over 20 years to not abuse me and love me regardless with all my disorders. I've been abused for 95% of my life by my parents and exs because of my disabilities. I try not to display these fears since I don't want to worry him, but I still cry when he leaves to go to places (not always though). Idk what's wrong with me and I feel foolish. I even will switch sides of the bed with him since I sometimes feel the need to protect him while sleeping. Generally I sleep on the side next to the wall since my hallucinations startle me and I feel safer next to the wall and my significant other being by my side. My significant isn't mad at me and accepts me for who I am so that's not the problem. My problem is that I don't want to be afraid for his life as much and worrying to the point I need prozac daily. Arg I'm so silly :/

I so understand your fears, I have an awful fear of my hubby passing away and it kills me. It drives me into an anxious frenzy and hate it when he goes out without me. I phone him every could of hours to make sure he is ok.

I can't really give any advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone

My mum would also panic when my dad was at work, she would hear an ambulance and get me and my kid brother to call his work place to make sure it wasn't him. Maybe she gave me this fear....who knows..

You're not silly It seems that a lot of us have this fear! Unfortunately I don't have advice for you either, but you're not alone

I am very sorry that you are so fearsome that something terrible will happen to your sig. other. As you can see, others here do share your intense fears.

It makes me sad that your fears are so intense. Are you working with a T? If so, what do they recommend you do to help yourself get through the angst? There must be some techniques to get you through the really hard times.....although I can't think of any. (But I'm not a T either.)

I suppose that they'd recommend using Self Care techniques. Listen to soft music that relaxes you; imagine your body getting massaged; imagine yourself some place relaxing ~ and use all of your senses; draw, paint, color, crossword puzzle, word search, phone a friend, etc; hold onto an ice cube if you're feeling suicidal; punch pillows; and so on. Sometimes, it takes multiple attempts several times in a day to gain some self control. But, it does work in moments of duress.

Gentle hugs sent your way.

Thank you for your empathy, it has helped a lot. I do have a therapist, but right now she's more concerned about my hallucinations and delusions. I feel that the bpd is more crippling than the likelihood of being on the schizophrenic spectrum. I'm hoping once I get the new diagnoses my therapist will focus more on the bpd and help me with techniques. Thank you for your advice shezbut and I will try them

I think this paranoia is based on our intense fear of abandonment, at root. One of my T's called it catastrophic thinking. She tried to teach me to stop these thoughts by literally telling myself to STOP. I never did get the hang of it. Maybe another way would be to learn statistics, like what are the real chances of x happening to SO? Like, I think the chances of him actually getting in a car crash are lower than ever. Whatever you fear, think about the actual chances of that happening, or maybe even try to look it up. The odds are very low.