[Depression Beard]

Hi,

I have a mixed bag of diagnoses; ADD, BPD, Anxiety, MDD. I wont go on.

One thing I have done for many years but seems to be accelerating as of late, is that I sometimes (a few times a day) insult myself out loud. Usually stuff like , "you asshole", "dickhead" etc. Sometimes its triggered by distant, fleeting memories of an inconsequential conversation with somebody also of no consequence - like a colleague from 3yrs ago or it can just be blurted out randomly.

Whats that all about? Is this some slow descent into psychosis or schizophrenia or is it simply part of having an "unstable self image/sense of self" that goes with all my existing baggage?

Anyone else do this?

[allme]

Originally Posted by Depression Beard

Hi,

I have a mixed bag of diagnoses; ADD, BPD, Anxiety, MDD. I wont go on.

One thing I have done for many years but seems to be accelerating as of late, is that I sometimes (a few times a day) insult myself out loud. Usually stuff like , "you asshole", "dickhead" etc. Sometimes its triggered by distant, fleeting memories of an inconsequential conversation with somebody also of no consequence - like a colleague from 3yrs ago or it can just be blurted out randomly.

Whats that all about? Is this some slow descent into psychosis or schizophrenia or is it simply part of having an "unstable self image/sense of self" that goes with all my existing baggage?

Anyone else do this?

Hello and welcome! Sometimes I will mutter an insult to myself but more often they are in my head. Very soul destroying Don't realise I am doing it half the time!

Yeah, I usually do it in my head. And it's so automatic that it happens before I can even stop myself, like I have a Greek chorus just hanging out in there ready to comment when I make a mistake. Or, hey, even when I don't make a mistake because you know how BPD is, we beat ourselves up for nothing sometimes...

[Depression Beard]

Thanks for the replies.

It concerns me because I insult myself out loud as well as in my head. I think of it like Dexters "dark passenger". A Greek Chorus is probably more accurate though, always bang on cue to comment on and judge my actions and my very core.

I considered that whenever I insult myself I should also give myself a compliment but then Id be arguing with myself which seems a little odd...

Guess its nothing really. Just BPD.

Thanks again.

[Evil Schnoodle]

This often happens to me when something happens that is a setback. I can be content in the moment, then something happens which I interpret as "i've failed". This leads to "I'm a failure", and then to the saga of life is worthless, I'm a bad person, etc. I wish I could stop the whole process by just saying "oops" and just going forward.

I quite often end up walking around swearing at myself when I've been stupid. Think my favourite insult to myself is 'you're such a f**king idiot!' I'm pretty sure people must think I'm a bit crazy for it!