Originally Posted by atomicc

Actually feeling pretty good after some retail therapy and much needed time with my BFF and boyfriend

That's awesome, hope it lasts!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by atomicc

Actually feeling pretty good after some retail therapy and much needed time with my BFF and boyfriend

that's awesome, glad to hear that

[trying2survive]

just got off the phone with my ex, started the day with a good phone call , we talked for about an hour and a half!

in a great mood to start the day!

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

Every time I hang out with this guy the next day he texts me saying how uncomfortable I seemed when I wasn't uncomfortable at all. I can't ever do anything right.

Don't be so hard on yourself your just prob a little nervous which is normal and he is just concerned. I bet he is worried that it's his fault you seem uncomfortable!

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[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Blue_velvet09

Depressed. I am just fet up with the way I look. There's nothing positive about my face. My nose is too big, in have indented acne scars, my face is crooked. I just want to be normal looking. I am filled with so much self hatred that I cannot stop crying and I feel an overwhelming sense of doom.
I know it's vain, but it's caused me a lot of pain through the years.. Lots of isolation and anger.
I also keep having random thoughts of the rape that happened in october. I'm pissed yet so unattached.


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So sorry to hear about the rape are you getting any counselling to help? I've been through it and counselling deff helped. (((Hugz)))

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[Verity81]

Bad day, lots of crying, anxiety and self hatred, just wanna be stronger and not such an emotional wreck

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[Blue_velvet09]

Originally Posted by Verity81

So sorry to hear about the rape are you getting any counselling to help? I've been through it and counselling deff helped. (((Hugz)))

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Thank you<3 and no, I have not been to counseling since it happened. I desperately want to go though


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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Bad day, lots of crying, anxiety and self hatred, just wanna be stronger and not such an emotional wreck

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sorry to hear that, sometimes we go through days like that, hope your day gets better

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Blue_velvet09

Thank you<3 and no, I have not been to counseling since it happened. I desperately want to go though


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Please get some if you can. You will recover so don't lose hope x

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[Verity81]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

sorry to hear that, sometimes we go through days like that, hope your day gets better

Thank you, I feel a little better this evening. Got DBT group tomorrow so gotta finish my homework!

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[Britneigh]

Exhausted. This week has been brutal. The tractor broke...I'm not sure what's wrong but I probably broke it then some of the horses have been sick with this sickness called strangles and one of them is like uber sick still (the others are well on the way to recovery minus this one). I don't know what to do for him...I've been up all night googling what could be going on or how else to help...not conducive to sleep and reducingy worrying. I just spent an hour talking to him and braiding his mane and talking to him. If he dies I'll lose it plus this winter was hard on the horses so a few are a little under weight and that's stressing me out. I just am so stressed.

I have been drinking at least a drink a night this week and have had rough thoughts. I am using all the wrong coping techniques but I'm just needing numb because this stress is killing me. I wish I could say that wasn't in a literall way.

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Exhausted. This week has been brutal. The tractor broke...I'm not sure what's wrong but I probably broke it then some of the horses have been sick with this sickness called strangles and one of them is like uber sick still (the others are well on the way to recovery minus this one). I don't know what to do for him...I've been up all night googling what could be going on or how else to help...not conducive to sleep and reducingy worrying. I just spent an hour talking to him and braiding his mane and talking to him. If he dies I'll lose it plus this winter was hard on the horses so a few are a little under weight and that's stressing me out. I just am so stressed.

I have been drinking at least a drink a night this week and have had rough thoughts. I am using all the wrong coping techniques but I'm just needing numb because this stress is killing me. I wish I could say that wasn't in a literall way.

Aww hope your horse gets better soon. Has a vet seen this one recently?

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[Verity81]

Have woke up in a better mood this morning. Got DBT group this afternoon which should hopefully be helpful. Still fretting about my mood swings this week, just wanna be able to cope better

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[Britneigh]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Aww hope your horse gets better soon. Has a vet seen this one recently?

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He was out last week because his face blew up like a balloon and he looked like a cow. Unfortunately with this there isn't much a vet can do, it's literally just waiting it out. The worst thing is, he isn't mine. It's my boss's horse so it's 20x more stressful to make sure he is okay.

And when say horses need weight I yope nobody assumes get are bone racks...they aren't. They just are slightly ribby. We don't have any scary skinny horses

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Exhausted. This week has been brutal. The tractor broke...I'm not sure what's wrong but I probably broke it then some of the horses have been sick with this sickness called strangles and one of them is like uber sick still (the others are well on the way to recovery minus this one). I don't know what to do for him...I've been up all night googling what could be going on or how else to help...not conducive to sleep and reducingy worrying. I just spent an hour talking to him and braiding his mane and talking to him. If he dies I'll lose it plus this winter was hard on the horses so a few are a little under weight and that's stressing me out. I just am so stressed.

I have been drinking at least a drink a night this week and have had rough thoughts. I am using all the wrong coping techniques but I'm just needing numb because this stress is killing me. I wish I could say that wasn't in a literall way.

try to hold it together as best you can, it always seems like things like to go wrong one right after the other & it's harder for us to deal with, just know that things will get better. hope your day is a good one today

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Verity81

Have woke up in a better mood this morning. Got DBT group this afternoon which should hopefully be helpful. Still fretting about my mood swings this week, just wanna be able to cope better

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that's awesome, glad to hear that!

[Verity81]

Thank you hugz back to ya

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[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

He was out last week because his face blew up like a balloon and he looked like a cow. Unfortunately with this there isn't much a vet can do, it's literally just waiting it out. The worst thing is, he isn't mine. It's my boss's horse so it's 20x more stressful to make sure he is okay.


And when say horses need weight I yope nobody assumes get are bone racks...they aren't. They just are slightly ribby. We don't have any scary skinny horses

Yes your doing your best and thats all you can do. It sounds like he is in good hands! I hope he recovers soon ((hugz))

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[Justagirl2602]

Was a pretty good day.
Quiet and peaceful morning, talk with therapist & parents, Group therapy and now at home

[Britneigh]

Just got in from morning chores. He's still got a few abscess to blow and now one of the other horses have swelling upper on their jaw. Everyone else was doing so good. I'm literally making myself sick with worry. I just threw up everything I ate this morning. I'm going to take a short nap then go soak faces in warm towels to help draw out the abscess. I just am so done with it all. My head hurts. My heart hurts. Everything hurts.

I might be getting a second horse and I'm not even excited for that. I love my job but sometimes it wears me down so much.

[Britneigh]

Oh and the starter went in to get fixed and its completely shot. It was flooded with oil and has to be 100% replaced.

[shezbut]

I am feeling wave after wave of depression, resentment, and self-hate. Little sparkles of hope pop up every now and then ~ but the former is much more intense and frequent.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I am feeling wave after wave of depression, resentment, and self-hate. Little sparkles of hope pop up every now and then ~ but the former is much more intense and frequent.

I feel you hang in there, darling!

[Verity81]

Originally Posted by Britneigh

Oh and the starter went in to get fixed and its completely shot. It was flooded with oil and has to be 100% replaced.

Aww you really need a hot bath and early night.

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[shezbut]

I feel as though I have been through 50 intense moods today... it's crazy! The intensity is what drives me mad, really. And how my mind is entirely stuck in that moment. UGH! It's a significant understatement ~ but you can get the gist, I am sure. My feeling at this moment is frustration with myself for being so doggone intense. Jeeeez!