dont like people much but know that i need them

anyone else feel this too....? I prefer staying at home and ordering whatever I need "online" just to avoid being out in the public..i have borderline personality disorder which was diagnosed about a month ago..but I don't have the reckless issues associated with the illness..like driving crazy or having sex with everyone..in fact I prefer staying at home alone away from people..being married is such a 'chore for me"..i feel forced to cook and clean for everyone and I have been married for 2 years now..i suppose the 'easy way out' would be to just leave but that is what I am used to doing..when things get hard I always like to go in the other direction..

I don't like ppl much either, actually I can find them quite disgusting...and yes I am a person too and yeah I find myself pretty much disgusting too. Although I prefer not to be around ppl, I don't want to be lonely or feel unloved or not cared about. It's all so very conflicting.