Is Jealousy an issue with you as a result of BPD?

so much pain here............. makes me just wanna hug everyone of you.

Hello,

So you did have a child? But yet it still hurts? Why? Did you want more children?

I agree big hug to everyone. It seams that this jealousy thing is a huge issue.

Thats me...all of it.

This is one of the reasons why I do not like going to parties or out with other people because I get so envious of everything. There hair, clothes, how well adjusted they are, ambitious, talents. It kills me. I have such bad thoughts too....like I hope their house burns down or they get into a car accident on the way home. I am so evil.

I was incredibly jealous of my best friend when I was 14/15. She was everything I wanted to be, and in the end I just hated her for being so damn perfect. In the end we fell out. It'snot healthy to be so jealous of someone. I don't think it's because of BPD but yeah, I do get jealous.

Hey all,

Interesting post! I have to admit that I did not read all the posts in the thread - but I think I got a good idea of what people said in response. I apologize in advance if I am repeating what has already been said!

I cannot say that I am, solely: jealous with any gender, specifically - but I do know that I have problems with certain people. And I don't just mean in terms of jealousy - I also include the whole wide gamut of words used to describe dislike of some sort.

For me - I find that I begin to dislike someone if I feel they are a threat. To be more specific of what I mean by a threat - I will say - anyone who threatens my chances of getting my needs met.

Given that we, as humans (particularly those of us with BPD ) are constantly looking for reassurance and acceptance from others - I would say that anyone who comes in the way of our needs (of reassurance and acceptance) - CAN in turn be considered: undesirable. Therefore, jealousy, bitterness, distaste - whatever word works best to describe a dislike for someone - will typically ensue.

Interestingly enough - looking back - I have had more problems with people who are similar to myself. It's as if - I see myself in others and feel they are a threat - and in turn: learn to dislike them. There is a reason why in the workplace - people have difficulty working with one another if they have a, "personality clash."

To simplify: In light of what I have said, I feel that I struggle the most in interpersonal relationships - with people that mirror myself and with people that threaten my (often times) unrealistic needs from being met.

This pattern of interpersonal strife doesn't happen in any one place in particular. For me it has happened everywhere, wherever I go. In the family, in the home, in the workplace, in school, in sports, wherever... It doesn't matter. I think there's a reason why people gravitate towards one another - the whole idea that opposites attract vs detract... The whole idea that we become who we surround ourselves with. I'm not saying I believe 100% in these notions, just trying to shed light on possibilities.

Thanks,
HD7970Ghz

Yes, Allie, that is SO me.

Uhh...YEAH. Huge Problemo for me. Always has been. I too didnt relate it to BPD until you said something. Geez! Is everything I am because of BPD? Freakin frustrating.

well my mind would tell myself if my partner wasnt jealous of someone hitting on me he didnt love me or care go figure...................thats how I used to see

Hello, you are not evil. I completely understand and you are not alone on this.

Jealousy has created a lot of chaos and turbulence in my romantic life through the years. When my husband would talk to other women I would go crazy, I would also interpret his actions and behaviors sometimes as "flirty" and my mind would go so far as to imagine that he was doing things he probably wasn't, or that he was going to leave me for them and then react to my thoughts with rage at him. Jealousy has been a beast for me.. I also feel jealousy when friends or family invite others to do something but not me. It makes me feel left out and unloved or that there is something wrong with me or that the other person they spend time with is somehow better or more interesting..

I am getting the sense that jealousy is a huge trigger for us. I understand that everyone gets jealous but thats no different then having a bad day or getting depressed for anyone. However, jealousy seems to be a huge factor as a result of BPD. Perhaps they should add this to the DSM?

Hi Dare; I am new here and have already found some comfort with the familiarity of symptoms of others, though I do not wish THIS on anyone. Your post struck me greatly as I too experience extreme jealousy and it is most debilitating and destructive at times. I hope eventually the jealousy will cease as everything else comes together at some point. Thank you for sharing.

Thanks hawaii04 and welcome to this site, I have been on for almost a month now. Jealousy is definitely a bad thought by all but I think BPD go well beyond that when we get jealous. This is probably the first emotion I want to work on but don't know how and I am on a waiting list for DBT.

Same here. I don't want to be me, I want to be them... they are so much better, more together, smoother, have more money, etc. Hope the get hit by a bus.. j/k ... sort of...

Hello Dare; I am sooo glad you asked as I have wondered the same thing because I have a very difficult time with jealousy mostly within the last two years. It has been very debilitating and destructive at times. I, however find myself jealous of many things and of both sexes. I look at it as a reflection of my own self-esteem that seems to be smeared all over the floor at this point in my life. I experience strong, irrational, jealous rages which in essence knocks me down even more. I try very hard to think positive thoughts of myself and of others and at times that does help. I don't know if it is a symptom of BPD but I am sure that the way in which we see things and find difficulty in coping at times surely contributes.

I don't usually get jealous of friends no. There are times I feel insecure and dissatisfied with where I am in life and I will feel quite envious of peers... like what did I do wrong? Why don't I measure up? But I quickly squash those comparisons running through my head and the envy and heartache subside....

My problem with jealousy and bpd is this though:

When I have an abandonment trigger I go nuts, totally delusional and jealous over people who don't actually exist

My bf has been out of town and he didn't text me "on time"... gosh there's only an "on time" factor when I'm fragile and I wish I knew when that is so I don't get caught off guard.

Anyway I went completely psycho, once I told him I knew he was leaving me for a woman he was going to meet while crossing the street and ask me to be his best man!

Second time more recently while he's working away I told him I knew he wasn't staying with his sister he was with a Sandton City b1tch and that I hoped she died slowly while he watched helplessly...

Last week I went off at him because he told me to try and eat no matter how bad I feel as I'm quite skinny as it is...

So I went off on him about how he's basically admitted he hates how skinny I am and that he's chubby chasing in Sandton!

Gosh this is heavy embarrassing to admit... I don't usually even experience jealousy, maybe if I did in small doses I wouldn't go all psycho, but yeah, mine goes, insecurity - jealousy - delusions... they usually last about a week and then I'm like wtf? Where did that come from? Wtf was it even based on?

But while its running through my mind it makes perfect sense...

And no, bf has never given me any reason to react the way I do, he's always found innocent of my brain's fkd up way of calculating...

Idk if I even still have a bf after last week.

Gawd I suck wet rabid dog a.s.s

I know I'm strange but what are you?
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I get jealous of my friends friends or boyfriends friends, most of the time it's like an automatic subconscious reaction to just dislike them and/or dislike being around them and sometimes I mad/jealous when my friends hang out with their other friends. I think I see them as a threat, like I'm afraid their going to take my friend away from me. I almost never act out on jealousy though, I just keep it to myself.

I totally relate to this! I feel like this a lottt! esp when people post pictures of their husbands/boyfriends/kids or when they talk about their job or are successful.

You are not strange Trippin they are strange. I do the exact same things that you do. All of it. You are not alone.

If you ever need to act out contact me. You can take it out on me. I am here for you.

Wowww, thank you, I really thought I was alone with this. I'm sorry you get swept away on the same crazy-making waves too

Ps. I am kinda strange and its mostly ok with me

I know I'm strange but what are you?
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I am weird!!!