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How are you doing today, Elektra?

Remember, our brains lie to us at every turn, every chance it gets, our defective brains tell us things to destroy us AND THEY ARE NOT TRUE... we are conditioned to believe them, we are used to it, and it works for us. I have to remind myself many many times a day that what I am feeling is potentially, and more than likely, a lie from my brain. The hardest ones are the self-lies, the lies I hear and believe about my personally, I am fat, I am ugly, I try too hard, ppl don't actually like me, people lie to me... these are the daily struggles I have. I have to tackle each one individually and reassure myself that it is a lie, and affirm the truth. Some days I cannot find the truth and I am hoping that my new therapy will provide answers. This is what I can do for now and offer. Remember, we are not bad, we are good, we are sick and not bad, sick is not bad, if we can do something about it; we will not be this way forever if we want to change and can change, all is not lost, there is a solution (many, in fact) we are loved, we ARE important, useful, needed, counted on and good.

I find it helpful to remind myself that it is not my therapist's job to actually care about me, but rather help guide me into a healthier direction in my life...it is still ultimately up to me to make the said changes and her advice is in my best interest (as in what's safest for me). BPD can make us have love/hate feelings towards people, especially those closest to us. We over read into their reactions and take it personally, when no personal attack was intended. Sometimes I feel myself being mad at my therapist for not returning my calls fast enough or not seeming interested enough when I talk, but remind myself that this is simply her job and I must blindly trust that her advice is the best I can get...especially considering that following my own advice has not been the best for me many times. I know she doesn't care about me, I'm one in a million patients, but it is her job to keep me safe and to help steer me towards a path of happiness. I force myself to have faith in her at my worst of times because of those small glimpses where I see the potential...the bad part of my brain doesn't want me to see.

IDK if this helps you or not but I find it helpful to disect my relationships with people so that I can develop healthier boundaries.

Maybe at your next appt. with your therapist you should bring up your feelings towards them and what it is exactly that they do to make you feel as if they don't care about you. Your therapist may be surprisingly helpful in helping you cope with this feeling of abandonment.

Remember, our brains lie to us at every turn, every chance it gets, our defective brains tell us things to destroy us AND THEY ARE NOT TRUE... we are conditioned to believe them, we are used to it, and it works for us. I have to remind myself many many times a day that what I am feeling is potentially, and more than likely, a lie from my brain. The hardest ones are the self-lies, the lies I hear and believe about my personally, I am fat, I am ugly, I try too hard, ppl don't actually like me, people lie to me... these are the daily struggles I have. I have to tackle each one individually and reassure myself that it is a lie, and affirm the truth. Some days I cannot find the truth and I am hoping that my new therapy will provide answers. This is what I can do for now and offer. Remember, we are not bad, we are good, we are sick and not bad, sick is not bad, if we can do something about it; we will not be this way forever if we want to change and can change, all is not lost, there is a solution (many, in fact) we are loved, we ARE important, useful, needed, counted on and good.