[joeyalias]

All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.

They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.

It turns

They turn

This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!

Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.

They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.

Sometimes they still hold out.

Its not enough for me.

Then they realise that I'm not quite right.

They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.

Then they disconnect forever.

But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...

[Maranara]

There is nothing I can say to ease your pain, but I do understand. You're not alone.

[joeyalias]

Its ok was just venting, publicly(ish)

[allme]

Yeah I understand too. I have lost many friends along the way but now luckily I have a couple that stick by me no matter what!

Sorry for your pain

[Aventurine]

Originally Posted by joeyalias

All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.

They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.

It turns

They turn

This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!

Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.

They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.

Sometimes they still hold out.

Its not enough for me.

Then they realise that I'm not quite right.

They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.

Then they disconnect forever.

But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...

They do! They love me and my strangeness, my quirkiness...they say I am the most passionate person they know, they say I am intriguing...then they get close... Then I break down their illusions with my unsteadiness, I come crashing down and they get angry with me..."Wait! Where is the girl I fell in love with? How dare you change my illusion of you" they say.

Thank you Joe for sharing

[Truth in Ruin]

Originally Posted by joeyalias

All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.

They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.

It turns

They turn

This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!

Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.

They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.

Sometimes they still hold out.

Its not enough for me.

Then they realise that I'm not quite right.

They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.

Then they disconnect forever.

But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...

I don't know if there is anything I can say that will make you, or anyone else feel better, but I will say this: the fact that you can recognize a pattern, means you have the power to break it.

Believe me, you are not alone in this. Friendships and relationships alike I have lost due to similar behavior.
What has worked for me somewhat is warning people from the get go that I'm not quite right, so they have an idea of what they're getting themselves into.
I notice there's no real gray area when it comes to people liking or disliking me. People either love the hell out of me, or hate my guts with a firy pashon.
and there a few people that will always be in my heart, even though they're gone forever. For me at this time it's a friend or two, but it's been ex's in the past.
*Hugs*

[BuckNut1]

Originally Posted by joeyalias

All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.

They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.

It turns

They turn

This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!

Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.

They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.

Sometimes they still hold out.

Its not enough for me.

Then they realise that I'm not quite right.

They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.

Then they disconnect forever.

But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...

Why can you not let them go?

When they are gone, I erase them.

What keeps you holding on?

[Elektra_]

all i can say is nicely written... perfect. tc

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by joeyalias

All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.

They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.

It turns

They turn

This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!

Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.

They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.

Sometimes they still hold out.

Its not enough for me.

Then they realise that I'm not quite right.

They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.

Then they disconnect forever.

But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...

This is one of the cycles with BPD that I hate the most. I call it the push-pull effect. I pull someone in close, then push them away just to see them come back; and next time I push further and see if they'll come back again- it's the only way that I know that they really love me. Then I push too far and they leave. Then I feel like I was right and all along, no one really loves me.

The push-pull is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only way to stop re-living this pain is to stop pushing just so you can see them run back. Easier said than done, but finding a partner who knows this and is patient and kind can make this possible.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

The push-pull is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only way to stop re-living this pain is to stop pushing just so you can see them run back. Easier said than done, but finding a partner who knows this and is patient and kind can make this possible.

This is very true. I push DH all the time. Now that he understands why I do it he does not let me get away with it, he will alert me to what I am doing.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by technigal

This is very true. I push DH all the time. Now that he understands why I do it he does not let me get away with it, he will alert me to what I am doing.

That's what my boyfriend does. I got angry at him and starting building my wall pushing him away and he snuggled me up and told me to quit pushing. It helped.