[Maranara]

This thread is probably self-indulgent, but I guess that happens sometimes. Tomorrow will be my 14th day of non-stop work. I've had problems, increasing everyday. My job rips away my short term memory and gives me much, much too much time to think, to dwell, to get upset, but I've survived the longest stretch I've had in a while.

About three days ago, in order to continue, I entered a phase of no emotion. Absolutely nothing. They've tried to come out a few times, but I'm in a form of survival mode in which emotions would only keep me from my work, so they've been tucked inside. That along with a gigantic amount of mindfulness/meditation and a friend or two has allowed me to survive.

Now I am scared. Tomorrow is it. I will finally be able to relax my frayed mind and exhausted body, and all of the emotions will come spilling out. I will be a total disaster for 24-48 hours, and I don't know a darn thing I can do about it. It's happened many times before.

I guess I'm asking for words of encouragement and support. Don't be surprised if I come forward with a depressing, crisis-filled thread over the weekend. Maybe I can somehow avoid reaching that point. I sure hope so...but I'm very, very scared.

I was actually supposed to work until Thanksgiving Day. I'm taking off a few days early. I have an idea for a small at-home business. After I recover, it's going to be my focus. Wish me luck. I have to get out of this job. I need to make this succeed.

[IGotThis]

I am praying for you!!!

Just know that if you feel yourself falling down that depressive hole, as it sounds like you have already accepted that you will, that you can hop on here, and we will all listen and we will all reply, and hopefully, we will all be able to slow your fall and push you back up... It is very tough having to force yourself to get through a job that isn't a good distraction, and then have to fight all of the emotions every second you get.. I got a new job and am putting in my two weeks for the job I currently have because of it.. I pray that you will be able to do the same...

In your time to let everything from the last few weeks go, would you be able to ask a friend to stay with you, and let them in on what is going on? That way perhaps they would be able to help you through it, and if they know what's happening, they can put on some tougher skin for whatever things your BPD will tell them while you are scared and hurting, so they will be able to hang on for the ride... I know its tough having to prepare for a BPD breakdown, instead of just a "normal" breakdown, but you can do it... Every time we have to fight our normal breakdowns, we have to also fight the BPD ones, and the BPD is worse by far... But you can do it, and we will be there for you while you do.

Please remember that we are here for you, and if you need to post, try not to be scared to do so. Also, if you need to PM me, go ahead.. I get them on my phone, so I can check in every so often if you need it, and I can have an open ear to listen if you want it...

We care about you and love you, and want you to get through this in the least amount of pain you can... You've got this!!!