[Angel of Bedlam]

I feel like I should be in a padded room, straight jacket on, throwing myself against the walls. It's just too much. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have felt emotionally off the whole day. Everything is wounding. Every inconvenience a catastrophe. I haven't felt this way in MONTHS. Does this happen to anyone else? Kind of a relapse? Don't know if that's the right word, but it's the best way I can explain it.

[technigal]

I have had days like that. Hard to get through them.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by technigal

I have had days like that. Hard to get through them.

I just want to bleed out the evil inside.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I just want to bleed out the evil inside.

Don't do that and you aren't evil inside.

[lynn808]

I can relate to the self loathing and hope you can get through this and do better every day. I try to smile to make it along...Hugs for yourself too

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I just want to bleed out the evil inside.

I think I found my twin.... (not identical tho )

[Aventurine]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I just want to bleed out the evil inside.

I used to hate myself so much for EVERYTHING that I thought or did... about 8 years ago I told my boss, my therapist, my doctor.. "I cant stop thinking about what it would feel like if I......" But no one heard me..

Now I know I can only be kind to myself.. I remind myself of that everyday... Be kind to yourself....

Angel, you are alright with me.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I don't know where I'd even start being kind to myself. I don't remember a time when I even have been. Even when I do something nice for me- buy myself new clothes, get a pedicure, etc., I feel SO guilty about having done something for myself. It's almost like I don't deserve it, so why waste money on myself?

I know it seems like an evil inside of you but it's not. The real you is the person that is helpful, a good listener, supportive and caring of others. That is you. The "evil" as you call it inside of you, don't personalize it. It is part of your behavioral challenges but is not YOU. It is something you can, in time, hopefully learn to control better but please don't associate yourself with this evil.

Just learn to cope and control the behaviors so the real YOU can come out more everyday

Hope this helps ~S4

[nycgal448]

I, too am having an off day. I seen my psych doc today, she said she hasn't quite
figured out what my type of Bi polar is yet. I also have yet come to terms whether it's
my actual ex I really miss, or wuz it the happiness in general?

[Angel of Bedlam]

[quote=nycgal448;3450614]I, too am having an off day. I seen my psych doc today, she said she hasn't quite
figured out what my type of Bi polar is yet. I also have yet come to terms whether it's
my actual ex I really miss, or wuz it the happiness in general?

I know how you feel. These are my feelings today:

My heart is aching, my soul is numb
But I'm aching for you, at the top of my lungs
I could grab the wheel, swerve to the left
Let's see how long I can cheat death

[vans1974]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I feel like I should be in a padded room, straight jacket on, throwing myself against the walls. It's just too much. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have felt emotionally off the whole day. Everything is wounding. Every inconvenience a catastrophe. I haven't felt this way in MONTHS. Does this happen to anyone else? Kind of a relapse? Don't know if that's the right word, but it's the best way I can explain it.

Sorry to hear Angel!! That sounds like me in a mixed state, pure hell!! For me, taking a benzo, helps a bit, or taking a quick cap nap! Then I find, changing my environment and serving others helps! Best of luck and hope you feel better!

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by vans1974

Sorry to hear Angel!! That sounds like me in a mixed state, pure hell!! For me, taking a benzo, helps a bit, or taking a quick cap nap! Then I find, changing my environment and serving others helps! Best of luck and hope you feel better!

I took my first dose of neurotin (I take 300mg of it 3x a day) and the feelings I'm stewing in aren't better. My mom let's me take her klonopin when I need them, maybe I will today. I'm scared to a bit because I get so tired from them sometimes and I am exhausted (bawled like a baby till 3am).