Ok everyone that's on here regularly that follows my story of late, knows of my battle with doubt and uncertainty with a certain online gaming girl. I've thought about this a lot and a lot of things have happened since my last post that have given more than enough reason to feel confident in the direction of this relationship but yet, I still question and wonder and doubt.

So I've thought about this and wondered, why is it that I, or anyone in the same boat, can have every reason to believe something but still not feel certain? How is it that against all odds, that are in my favor, I can actually feel all the feelings that tell me it will end, be over or never even was real in the first place, and even better how do I change that?

So I've thought about how this blobby grey thing bouncing around in my skull works, what directs it's thinking and how does it do that? How do I end up from one place where I am all giddy and hopeful about what i have with this girl and then next moment I'm wondering wtf is going on at all?

I've come to one conclusion and this may seem rather simplistic but at it's core I believe it is pretty accurate. In every thought process, the brain is like a computer and it is constantly making analyses. At the base of an analysis, what is ther? questions and answers. Questions as simple as, for example, when you're hungry, "what does this feeling in the pit of my stomach mean?" Answer, "I'm hungry" Well that happens in everything that we do but all of this happens at the speed faster than our computers that we use everyday so usually we miss the question/answer firing back and forth and all the processing and go right to the summary. We just never notice it.

So what about faulty thinking like I have? I have more examples than I can even begin to write about so I'll keep this as concise as possible without making it confusing. First example: I know that in spite of anything she's said to confirm that she is "into" me, when she is absent, I have doubts, I wonder, fear and worry. So I have to ask myself, what is it that I'm asking myself to cause this? Open ended questions without answers. Things like "wonder how many other guys she's talking to" Yeah seriously. What does that do to me? first it assumes that she's talking to numerous other guys, and that's a first step to stressing me out, needless to say. Second, it frames it in a way in my mind that makes it as though these "imaginary" guys she's talking to, she talks to the same as she does me. Another stressor because that would make our conversations meaningless. So is there any productive value to this thinking? no. It serves no purpose but to send my thoughts spiralling out of control. Another thing is this. I over analyze. I think too much on tiny miniscule details that may or may not mean something. sometimes she takes a while to respond to my chat messages. Yes, you can guess, my questions shoot right to "who else is she talking to?" "is he.." (note the assumption of another guy) "more important than me?" You can see where these answers lead me to. Even more faulty thinking and stress, and spiralling out of control.

I need to stop this but what to do?

Change. Change my thinking.. But how? Consciously find a way to make the choice to change my questions based on better assumptions and/or god forbid, reality! When she is gone, instead of wondering how many guys she's talking to, or whether she's thinking of me, change the question to "how do I know that she likely does think of me throughout her day?" The answer being, well every day for more than a couple of months we've met up, talked, played games and literally spent hours together. That's not someone that doesn't think of me too often right? She chooses to talk and play games with me often and consistently and pretty much to the exclusion of others when we do. I can probably guess she is thinking of me at least some of the time. Wow. Yeah. feel better already just typing that out. Next I ask, what does she do or say, that tells me I am on her mind often? I can't count how many times I'd orignally asked her "did ya miss me?" kind of partially joking, but she always said "yes" and furthermore lately or at least very recently she's come out and said so more than once. How can you miss someone if you're not thinking of them?

Anyway this is the line of thinking I'm on right now. Many other questions will arise that need to be tweaked and updated in my overly-bugged software.

Idk if this helps but it helped me by getting it out.

thanks for listening,
~S4

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Ok everyone that's on here regularly that follows my story of late, knows of my battle with doubt and uncertainty with a certain online gaming girl. I've thought about this a lot and a lot of things have happened since my last post that have given more than enough reason to feel confident in the direction of this relationship but yet, I still question and wonder and doubt.

So I've thought about this and wondered, why is it that I, or anyone in the same boat, can have every reason to believe something but still not feel certain? How is it that against all odds, that are in my favor, I can actually feel all the feelings that tell me it will end, be over or never even was real in the first place, and even better how do I change that?

So I've thought about how this blobby grey thing bouncing around in my skull works, what directs it's thinking and how does it do that? How do I end up from one place where I am all giddy and hopeful about what i have with this girl and then next moment I'm wondering wtf is going on at all?

I've come to one conclusion and this may seem rather simplistic but at it's core I believe it is pretty accurate. In every thought process, the brain is like a computer and it is constantly making analyses. At the base of an analysis, what is ther? questions and answers. Questions as simple as, for example, when you're hungry, "what does this feeling in the pit of my stomach mean?" Answer, "I'm hungry" Well that happens in everything that we do but all of this happens at the speed faster than our computers that we use everyday so usually we miss the question/answer firing back and forth and all the processing and go right to the summary. We just never notice it.

So what about faulty thinking like I have? I have more examples than I can even begin to write about so I'll keep this as concise as possible without making it confusing. First example: I know that in spite of anything she's said to confirm that she is "into" me, when she is absent, I have doubts, I wonder, fear and worry. So I have to ask myself, what is it that I'm asking myself to cause this? Open ended questions without answers. Things like "wonder how many other guys she's talking to" Yeah seriously. What does that do to me? first it assumes that she's talking to numerous other guys, and that's a first step to stressing me out, needless to say. Second, it frames it in a way in my mind that makes it as though these "imaginary" guys she's talking to, she talks to the same as she does me. Another stressor because that would make our conversations meaningless. So is there any productive value to this thinking? no. It serves no purpose but to send my thoughts spiralling out of control. Another thing is this. I over analyze. I think too much on tiny miniscule details that may or may not mean something. sometimes she takes a while to respond to my chat messages. Yes, you can guess, my questions shoot right to "who else is she talking to?" "is he.." (note the assumption of another guy) "more important than me?" You can see where these answers lead me to. Even more faulty thinking and stress, and spiralling out of control.

I need to stop this but what to do?

Change. Change my thinking.. But how? Consciously find a way to make the choice to change my questions based on better assumptions and/or god forbid, reality! When she is gone, instead of wondering how many guys she's talking to, or whether she's thinking of me, change the question to "how do I know that she likely does think of me throughout her day?" The answer being, well every day for more than a couple of months we've met up, talked, played games and literally spent hours together. That's not someone that doesn't think of me too often right? She chooses to talk and play games with me often and consistently and pretty much to the exclusion of others when we do. I can probably guess she is thinking of me at least some of the time. Wow. Yeah. feel better already just typing that out. Next I ask, what does she do or say, that tells me I am on her mind often? I can't count how many times I'd orignally asked her "did ya miss me?" kind of partially joking, but she always said "yes" and furthermore lately or at least very recently she's come out and said so more than once. How can you miss someone if you're not thinking of them?

Anyway this is the line of thinking I'm on right now. Many other questions will arise that need to be tweaked and updated in my overly-bugged software.

Idk if this helps but it helped me by getting it out.

thanks for listening,
~S4

This is awesome. It empowers me to try and do so as well. Thank you. Any sort of change takes a brave person. You are.

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

This is awesome. It empowers me to try and do so as well. Thank you. Any sort of change takes a brave person. You are.

Thanks. I really appreciate that.

[technigal]

My T is constantly telling me I need to separate fact from emotions.
Fact: This girl likes you.
Fact: You like her.
Fact: She has given you no reason to think she is running around with other guys.
etc.

[Truth in Ruin]

Forget baby steps, this is ground breaking. It reminds me of something like this: (in a news broadcasters voice) Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.

It also reminds me of the movie "A Beautiful Mind"

This is truly ground breaking, not kidding. The fact that you did this on your own... means you can do it again, with other things in life as well. You used "Grey" thinking to be able to do this.

From a NON's perspective, does she think about when you guys are offline? Absolutely. If you are around someone as much as you 2 are. Without a doubt you think about them throughout the day. I think about my lady all the time when we are not together. When I'm driving, working, when I'm at home, when I go to the bathroom, when I'm mowing lawns.. I think you get the idea lol.

Originally Posted by Truth in Ruin

Forget baby steps, this is ground breaking. It reminds me of something like this: (in a news broadcasters voice) Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.

It also reminds me of the movie "A Beautiful Mind"

This is truly ground breaking, not kidding. The fact that you did this on your own... means you can do it again, with other things in life as well. You used "Grey" thinking to be able to do this.

From a NON's perspective, does she think about when you guys are offline? Absolutely. If you are around someone as much as you 2 are. Without a doubt you think about them throughout the day. I think about my lady all the time when we are not together. When I'm driving, working, when I'm at home, when I go to the bathroom, when I'm mowing lawns.. I think you get the idea lol.

Well there is nothing under the sun that has not been done, thought of or created before. I have done nothing new here but gathered my knowledge and learning over time and reached a realization for how these things can be applied to my life.

I know that I recall some information way back when I studied a lot of self help tools and it talked about NLP (neuro linquistic programming) and some of it touched on this subject. So yeah not really mine, but thank you for saying it is "ground breaking"

Originally Posted by technigal

My T is constantly telling me I need to separate fact from emotions.
Fact: This girl likes you.
Fact: You like her.
Fact: She has given you no reason to think she is running around with other guys.
etc.

Exactly I know. I mean.. I know those things but I'm trying to say I'm working on the automatic negative thinking to replace it with things that I know, not automatically sabotage.

[Onward2wards]

In every thought process, the brain is like a computer and it is constantly making analyses ... that happens in everything that we do but all of this happens at the speed faster than our computers that we use everyday so usually we miss the question/answer firing back and forth and all the processing and go right to the summary. We just never notice it.

YES! Deep in that processing lie our own biggest hopes and fears and all of our previous experiences . Sometimes they trick us into perceiving and being afraid of things that aren't necessarily true, and then the chaos begins.

Put another way - "Objects in the mirror may NOT be closer than they appear". The objects are our worst fears, the mirror is life up until now. Our brains have an obsession with that mirror, while we keep on missing the exit sign.

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

YES! Deep in that processing lie our own biggest hopes and fears and all of our previous experiences . Sometimes they trick us into perceiving and being afraid of things that aren't necessarily true, and then the chaos begins.

Put another way - "Objects in the mirror may NOT be closer than they appear". The objects are our worst fears, the mirror is life up until now. Our brains have an obsession with that mirror, while we keep on missing the exit sign.

Exactly and changing the thinking, the automatic processing that we have, that is faulty is key here. The tough part is breaking the machine that is set on "automatic". Finding the moment when the thoughts of doubt or negativity start and breaking free from it.

I see automatic negative thinking as a bad habit. It's something we do habitually so approaching it this way, you break the habit (pattern of thinking) and then replace it with something good. But you must replace it with something good or you'll end up with the same habit or a worse one. A good analogy is this, and although it comes from the bible, I know not all here believe in it, the principle still applies well, let me explain:

Luke 11:24-26
24 "When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and finding none it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.'
25 And when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order.
26 Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there. And the last state of that person is worse than the first."

Yes it is speaking of spirits or demons but think of it this way, when your mind is "cleaned up" of the old habit, it is left with a void. If you don't find something in the positive to replace it with, you'll end up with worse thinking patterns or the same old bad ones.

So in essence this is what I'm trying to do. I don't want to just NOT THINK of these things, it won't work. My brain needs something to do. And it will do soemthing if I just leave it blank. Most likely if left to the subconscious it will be negative. So I've got to go out of my way to consciously think better thoughts after cleaning up.

Ok I've rambled enough.