[atomicc]

It's been some time since I've been here. Heh..funny I thought I was strong enough to be on my own. To live life with zero support from people who understand my illness. I amaze myself sometimes with how naive I can be. When you fall, you fall hard.
I've graduated college, I've failed so far to get a real full time job. I applied to Grad school and now all I can do is wait. My boyfriend went back to school...he's doing something with his life. I feel like a failure just sitting at home every day. I dig deeper and deeper into myself, emotionally and physically. I can't find a single thing I enjoy doing. It's becoming more and more alarmingly obvious that I have no sense of self. I can tell that there's nothing inside me. I'm just skin and organs, alive because that's what I'm designed to be.
I'm falling off the deep end. I'm wanting to do more and more reckless hurtful things just so I can feel anything at all.

[technigal]

I've missed you. Glad to see you are back but sorry that you are having a rough time.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by technigal

I've missed you. Glad to see you are back but sorry that you are having a rough time.

I missed you too How have you been?

[technigal]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I missed you too How have you been?

Last few days have been rough. I had a massive panic attack yesterday that left me drained. Tomorrow we have a pdoc appointment for Robbie, I am a little worried about it and it is 2 hours long so that stresses me out as well. At least my husband will be at the appointment.

I meant to congratulate you on your degree. That is exciting, finishing my degree was such a victory for me.

[atomicc]

Originally Posted by technigal

Last few days have been rough. I had a massive panic attack yesterday that left me drained. Tomorrow we have a pdoc appointment for Robbie, I am a little worried about it and it is 2 hours long so that stresses me out as well. At least my husband will be at the appointment.

I meant to congratulate you on your degree. That is exciting, finishing my degree was such a victory for me.

I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack, I've been having quite a few of them myself. I hope the appointment goes well! Is it just a check up or about a specific behavior?

Thank you, it was a great feeling at first...but now I'm feeling weird being out of school. I don't know what to do with myself. It sucks that grad schools only start in the fall.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack, I've been having quite a few of them myself. I hope the appointment goes well! Is it just a check up or about a specific behavior?

Thank you, it was a great feeling at first...but now I'm feeling weird being out of school. I don't know what to do with myself. It sucks that grad schools only start in the fall.

I had been doing pretty well with panic attacks and then yesterday at church there were too many people and I could feel the walls closing in on me. I had to leave early.

Robbie's appointment is partly due to his medication not working anymore. When he gets upset or thinks he needs to be punished he punches himself in the head. It is very scary. He suffers from anxiety plus the Aspergers and he needs help. He starts with a T next week. I really hope we get the help he needs. He was supposed to start group therapy but it was cancelled as he was the only kid available at that time so we have been frustrated by the process.

I considered grad school but my degree is in math and I didn't want to do research so there was no point.

[Fuzzybear]

[lynn808]

Hi atomic,
Missed you and glad to see you are back with us.. Sorry things have been tough.. Congrats on your degree.. I'm sure it is hard to adjust with all your free time now...and the waiting is hard for you too.... I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you...just know that I do understand and am here for you to chat with at anytime hun...hugs for you to keep fighting girl!!!!! Take care of yourself now....

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Hey, I've been gone for a long while too and I am better for it. This place, as a general rule makes me crazy. I buy into all the "wah,wah, wah" not people really wanting some help. That said, I don't think you fit into that category. Try not to be too hard on yourself. The economy is a wreck right now and jobs are hard to come by for everyone. NOt to be Debbie Downer, but it took my nephew 18 months to find a job after graduation. And I'm sure it does feel weird being out of school. It's what you've done now for many years. But, you are in NYC. Surely there is something there that interests you or that you can do while you are waiting to hear on grad school. What about volunteering somewhere. It will get you outside yourself and might give you a leg up on a job. Just some thoughts.