How to find your identity

I have borderline personality disorder, ocd that seems to go away for some time then come back, and I think add. But my main question is about bpd and how to find my identity..does anyone have any tips, experiences, advice to share..books to read or anything..all people change, but where to draw that line between what is normal and what is part of bpd..I have dbt skills workbook written by Matthew Mckay and I am trying to help myself to recover on my own. I hope that it is possible..

I wonder the same thing. I have BPD and Cyclothymia, so I fear that since I am all over the place, I'll never know what I want.

I have that same book!

I do find it hard to figure out what is me or what is the disorder? Is the disorder me? It gets very confusing!

I am hoping the more I can learn not to get overwhelmed by emotion especially fear the more I will be able to start building a 'self' based on more rationality.

I remember a smart aleck female supervisor back when I was just out of school and working at Sears Roebuck, when I explained that I wasn't trying to "find" a husband, whoever he was wasn't lost, she came back with, "Well, if he isn't lost he must be running like hell!"

I don't think one finds one's identity, like it's lost or hiding. I think we have to become friends with ourselves and knowledgeable about ourselves, what we do well (in case you don't agree, I have an excellent sense of humor :-) as well as things we wish we would get on with changing (I'm lazy and often don't do the best I can with a task if it bores me -- my stepmother use to sting me with telling me I did things "quick and dirty" and as much as I found that hurtful, it is nonetheless true too often and one of my good traits is that I value and am honest and one of my personal mottoes is "If it is True, it is true whether I like it or not". But anyway, get to like yourself as if you were your friend (you're actually in the best position to be your friend, you know the most about you already) and come to your own aid and encourage yourself when times are rough. Think about it, when you are "trying" you are doing the best you can under the circumstances and that's all you can do; when you are doing that, it does not make sense to criticize yourself or let others criticize you. You will get better with practice, at anything you put your mind to learn/do. No, you might not get to perfection anytime soon (or ever :-) but you will get proficient. But people standing around criticizing (including yourself) aren't in there trying whatever it is so they have no "right" to be standing around; when that happens, shake your head and mutter "Peanut gallery? Who asked for a peanut gallery!"

I feel exactly the same way. I'm trying to get an official BPD diagnosis, and without it I feel like my problems don't exist. But without my problems, I feel like I have no identity. I feel empty. If I'm not my emotions then what am I? I'm trying to use my DBT skills to work through this, because I truly believe they are the way to go. Radical acceptance, nonjudgmental...that's all what I need to apply to myself.

Thank you all for your answers!

@henrydavidtherobot
First, you are really cute. Second, yes me too. It is scary sometimes..

@Verity81
disorder is not you, or me, or anyone..I think, that is why we need to find ourselves, (I am not sure what better term to use for that) and rationality, I think it has helped me lil bit..especially because I tend to over think

@Perna
I think I really improved in that I become friend to myself..and not to criticize myself too much, but to be more understanding.. knowledgeable about ourselves, it is like discovering our true selves..but how to be sure that that it is truly you

@beloiseau
well maybe you are your virtues and other character traits..? and that is I guess what I am looking for, huh..