[Ultra Darkness]

Lately I haven't been around much. I wasn't sure why until recently though. When I was on here I kept agreeing with everything and everyone until the I was buried by the We. In other words, I took on the identity of BPD and lost my own. I've got a better grip on Me now, so I'm going to try integrating again without losing myself again. I still won't likely post much, but anyone who wants to talk can just PM me. I will reply, I promise.

[atomicc]

Welcome back ! It's hard , especially for us with bpd, to understand and separate our identities. I hope you stick around

[HD7970GHZ]

Hey Ultra Darkness,

It's good to hear that you've taken time to heal and gain some perspective for yourself. You are right, it's easy to lose yourself. I know from personal experience that spending enough time doing - any, one, thing - can steal my identity away. Maybe we with Borderline have an identity addiction.

I have to say that I relate to what you said about loosing oneself to the, "BPD identity."

I intend to speak only for myself, so please don't take this as a generalization, but: After awhile, I believe we can fully convince ourselves that we are textbook Borderline - and then we can actually make changes in our lives, subconsciously and indirectly - without even noticing - in order to better fulfill that Borderline identity that you mentioned. I suppose you could call it a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

To explain: At first, Borderline Personality Disorder is a burden. But after awhile we discover that, (just like all things) we can learn to live and accept the idiosyncrasies that we're all gifted with, and begin to move forward, using our burdens as gifts in whatever way we can. Thus, having Borderline - becomes a positive thing; being that it makes us the unique, lovable, perfect individuals that we all are.

The problem with this mode of thinking, is that we can confuse OUR identity, with the identity associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, and thus, we can stop ourselves from seeking change - because we ultimately become comfortable being, (for lack of better words): "Borderline."

I suppose what I'm trying to say - is that I can learn to accept myself as being a Borderline sufferer, (which is a good thing) - but I can also, sometimes - step a little too far and gain a sense of pride in the fact that I am a Borderline sufferer. Then I can rationalize with myself, and say: "Why would I seek change when I'm completely comfortable being Borderline?" Well, to begin: because that is one of the central issues with Borderline Personality Disorder: The lack of a solid foundation and a solid sense of identity.

In saying this, there's no wonder how we can learn to love the identity of Borderline Personality Disorder - given that we don't have to change much in order to fulfill it. Do we?

Maybe this may seem completely ridiculous to most if not everyone on this forum, but I know many Borderline sufferer's who have dealt with this and felt similarly about it. I suppose any like-minded people and groups come together because they form a sense of community and comfort in knowing that it is okay being a certain way. There's nothing wrong with that. But I know that for myself, if I constantly fill my head with Borderline Personality Disorder, I won't end up changing - because deep down I will create a subconscious desire to be more Borderline than I already am...

And of course - Personality Disorders aren't permanent, people can be diagnosed as fulfilling the criteria at one stage in their life, then not so much at another stage.

Did any of this make sense or am I completely lost in translation?

And like Atomicc said, we hope you stick around.

thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Maranara]

Hi. I'm not here much at all. Too many issues, but I still consider you a friend. You can always write if you want.....

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hey Ultra Darkness,

It's good to hear that you've taken time to heal and gain some perspective for yourself. You are right, it's easy to lose yourself. I know from personal experience that spending enough time doing - any, one, thing - can steal my identity away. Maybe we with Borderline have an identity addiction.

I have to say that I relate to what you said about loosing oneself to the, "BPD identity."

I intend to speak only for myself, so please don't take this as a generalization, but: After awhile, I believe we can fully convince ourselves that we are textbook Borderline - and then we can actually make changes in our lives, subconsciously and indirectly - without even noticing - in order to better fulfill that Borderline identity that you mentioned. I suppose you could call it a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

To explain: At first, Borderline Personality Disorder is a burden. But after awhile we discover that, (just like all things) we can learn to live and accept the idiosyncrasies that we're all gifted with, and begin to move forward, using our burdens as gifts in whatever way we can. Thus, having Borderline - becomes a positive thing; being that it makes us the unique, lovable, perfect individuals that we all are.

The problem with this mode of thinking, is that we can confuse OUR identity, with the identity associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, and thus, we can stop ourselves from seeking change - because we ultimately become comfortable being, (for lack of better words): "Borderline."

I suppose what I'm trying to say - is that I can learn to accept myself as being a Borderline sufferer, (which is a good thing) - but I can also, sometimes - step a little too far and gain a sense of pride in the fact that I am a Borderline sufferer. Then I can rationalize with myself, and say: "Why would I seek change when I'm completely comfortable being Borderline?" Well, to begin: because that is one of the central issues with Borderline Personality Disorder: The lack of a solid foundation and a solid sense of identity.

In saying this, there's no wonder how we can learn to love the identity of Borderline Personality Disorder - given that we don't have to change much in order to fulfill it. Do we?

Maybe this may seem completely ridiculous to most if not everyone on this forum, but I know many Borderline sufferer's who have dealt with this and felt similarly about it. I suppose any like-minded people and groups come together because they form a sense of community and comfort in knowing that it is okay being a certain way. There's nothing wrong with that. But I know that for myself, if I constantly fill my head with Borderline Personality Disorder, I won't end up changing - because deep down I will create a subconscious desire to be more Borderline than I already am...

And of course - Personality Disorders aren't permanent, people can be diagnosed as fulfilling the criteria at one stage in their life, then not so much at another stage.

Did any of this make sense or am I completely lost in translation?

And like Atomicc said, we hope you stick around.

thanks,
HD7970ghz

very good, nicely put, i like this!

[allme]

Hey I remember you Welcome back!

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Hey Ultra Darkness,

It's good to hear that you've taken time to heal and gain some perspective for yourself. You are right, it's easy to lose yourself. I know from personal experience that spending enough time doing - any, one, thing - can steal my identity away. Maybe we with Borderline have an identity addiction.

I have to say that I relate to what you said about loosing oneself to the, "BPD identity."

I intend to speak only for myself, so please don't take this as a generalization, but: After awhile, I believe we can fully convince ourselves that we are textbook Borderline - and then we can actually make changes in our lives, subconsciously and indirectly - without even noticing - in order to better fulfill that Borderline identity that you mentioned. I suppose you could call it a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

To explain: At first, Borderline Personality Disorder is a burden. But after awhile we discover that, (just like all things) we can learn to live and accept the idiosyncrasies that we're all gifted with, and begin to move forward, using our burdens as gifts in whatever way we can. Thus, having Borderline - becomes a positive thing; being that it makes us the unique, lovable, perfect individuals that we all are.

The problem with this mode of thinking, is that we can confuse OUR identity, with the identity associated with Borderline Personality Disorder, and thus, we can stop ourselves from seeking change - because we ultimately become comfortable being, (for lack of better words): "Borderline."

I suppose what I'm trying to say - is that I can learn to accept myself as being a Borderline sufferer, (which is a good thing) - but I can also, sometimes - step a little too far and gain a sense of pride in the fact that I am a Borderline sufferer. Then I can rationalize with myself, and say: "Why would I seek change when I'm completely comfortable being Borderline?" Well, to begin: because that is one of the central issues with Borderline Personality Disorder: The lack of a solid foundation and a solid sense of identity.

In saying this, there's no wonder how we can learn to love the identity of Borderline Personality Disorder - given that we don't have to change much in order to fulfill it. Do we?

Maybe this may seem completely ridiculous to most if not everyone on this forum, but I know many Borderline sufferer's who have dealt with this and felt similarly about it. I suppose any like-minded people and groups come together because they form a sense of community and comfort in knowing that it is okay being a certain way. There's nothing wrong with that. But I know that for myself, if I constantly fill my head with Borderline Personality Disorder, I won't end up changing - because deep down I will create a subconscious desire to be more Borderline than I already am...

And of course - Personality Disorders aren't permanent, people can be diagnosed as fulfilling the criteria at one stage in their life, then not so much at another stage.

Did any of this make sense or am I completely lost in translation?

And like Atomicc said, we hope you stick around.

thanks,
HD7970ghz

Don't worry, it makes plenty of sense. I'll probably be around more now, but I can't say how much more. *shrugs*

[HD7970GHZ]

I actually gasped a fresh breath of air hearing that you related to what I wrote. I was worried about that one.

I have been away from the forums for a good few months, and coming back already I feel as though I'm more inspired to change and grow. As easy as it is to get fully absorbed into one thing - there's something about an anonymous online forum filled with like-minded, beautiful people that keeps me coming back.

Being that you've mentioned getting distracted and absorbed into the, "Borderline identity," - it can be equally as easy to become distracted by the concept of, "fixing ourselves." And in saying that - sometimes - helping others can help ourselves more than anything else. It gives us a sense of purpose, direction, understanding, compassion, connected-ness and all kinds of other positive vibes - both for ourselves and for others.

In saying this...

Keeping in mind - (our own personal boundaries and limitations): We have nothing to lose by posting on this forum. I can't think of anything.

(Well, aside from maybe - trivial things like time and energy and internet data off the cell phone plan if we use a cell phone to post)

"We all have a story to tell. It's up to us to decide how to use it, abuse or accuse it."

Thanks,
Hd7970ghz