Dealing with remorse

Hello everyone. I'm new. Was diagnosed as bpd last year, but haven't gotten much professional help. On occasion I will have great clarity into the nature of my problem and the people I have hurt. The pain is so great that I don't know how to deal with it other than shutting off, and when I shut off I have black and white thinking, don't acknowledge my wrongs, and do impulsive things and hurt the people I love. What is a healthy way to cope before I get into therapy? I have practically ruined my family life. I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore.

What helped for me was to change the image of myself.
BPD is not something I am it's something I have, like a disease.
You can try to fight the symptoms as much as you want but it won't make you better and the more you try to hide the symptoms, the harder they break out in the end. like in classical medicine, don't fight the symptoms, fight de disease.

Also maybe try to communicate what's happening to you to the ones that are close to you, so they might understand that it's not you who is trying to hurt them but it's the BPD that's running things inside you and a lot of it can be cured eventually with the right therapy.

I felt a bit better just accepting that I need help and I'm planning on getting it. And in the meanwhile just try to figure out which things trigger you and try to avoid them as much as possible. And once again: Communicate with your loved ones, they'll probably also feel better once they know what is going on and that it's going to get better, maybe not straight away but in the end.

You may not acknowledge your wrongs at the moment, but as soon as you realize yourself that you were wrong, go tell them, even though it's days or weeks later.
Don't feel guilty for having BPD, you didn't choose to be like this and you suffer from it as much (and probably more) as they do.

The best thing would be to get into counseling as soon as possible. I'm not sure that you can do alot of about the way you are reacting until you have some help on how cope with this. I would suggest meditation but not sure you are in a place that you can really devote yourself to it.

I hope some of the others on the board have some better ideas for you. Wishing you the best.